101 Days til Bliss

Life is just bizarre at times. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions as a family member passed away. At 97 no one can say they didn’t see it coming but the drama of it all still takes it’s toll.

In a lot of ways, the whole process was healing to me. Being able to be there as he let go was something a few years ago would have terrified me. Now I just realized that the process had started & accepted it for what it was. The death rattle didn’t scare me, just made me wish there was something I could do to prevent the pain & confusion. Thankfully although all I could do is talk with him & hold his hand, hospice was there to assist with the pain & anxiety. Not sure how people pass without them & their gifts but again I am grateful for all they do & amazed that people do this daily yet stay so positive and caring.

The good-bye itself carried a lot of emotion. I believe that you never turn your back on family & that blood binds, but at times that is tested for sure. He & I didn’t agree on a lot of things, but he cared for my father when he was young & tried to be there for us all. Listening to so many rave about him at his funeral almost made me forget the bad times. I am thankful that there are so many who do remember him fondly & that I could hear the good things he did in his life. His time on earth truly has impacted many people in a lot of ways which is an achievement for sure. He fought hard to make it to 100, but in the end it was time for him to go on.

Now it is time for us to move on. Getting hugs at the end of the days from my nephew and seeing his smile reminded me that there is hope for a better tomorrow. Just have to make it so.

Which got me thinking- why abandon this blog? Because it reminds me of the tough times? Nah. Those are the times that made me strong enough to be who I am today. Scars and all.

So time to revamp & renew. Change this into something that once again makes me feel at peace with life. Happy to be me. Thus the new look.

Hopefully the changes will be good ones. Time will tell.  All we can do is the best we can & find something to always look forward to. See the glimmer of hope.

For me today that spark is knowing that in 101 days I will be in Disney World with the cutest kid I know as one of the happiest aunts alive.

That and that there is always a snuggle waiting patiently by my side.

Pugs lives are just hard sometimes.

Pugs lives are just hard sometimes.

 

 

 

Goodbye to the Womb

Somehow along the way, my water bed got the nickname as my “womb with a view”.  Not sure who came up with that but it just felt right.  Much like my water bed.  It was soft, warm & I just seemed to float.  I always said it was queen sized for the queen… well to be honest I only said that when I wasn’t in a relationship living with a guy.  It was lonely at times, but it just felt comforting even solo.  My safe place.  It got me through some difficult nights & even now I’m not so sure I want a “real” bed.  Bonus who ever heard of dust mites or bed bugs in a waterbed? nope not mine!

But alas, all good things must come to an end & last night was the last night in the womb.

Thanks to a stupid slow leak & my active dream life (I will put it positively … but yeah night time can be less than fun sometimes & the stress of late hasn’t helped), I discovered the water was no longer staying IN THE BED.

Freak out? yes.

Formulate a plan of action & deal with it like I am wearing the big girl panties? YOU KNOW IT.

So after work I came home & got to work.

The first set back came when the “trick” I had read about to get the bed to drain out the garden hose out the window didn’t work.  I hate to say it but I considered actually trying to start the siphon on the garden hose that had been outside for over 2 years.  As down on my luck as I might be feeling, I was NOT that desperate.  GROSS!  So off to Lowe’s for a brand new cheap hose.  After I got it wiped down with a bleach wipe as best I could I surprised myself by starting the siphon easier than I thought I could!  So the process of draining the bed has begun….

Course I didn’t take into account that the temperatures were dropping faster than the sun! But this too shall pass.  I can do this.  So far the birds aren’t acting cold so we will deal as long as we can or it takes to empty the bed.

BONUS is I am getting to work muscles I haven’t used in a while.  lol

Also I realized that instead of spending money on a new mattress (real, air or water), I can use the spare twin for a little while.  Not my favorite idea, but I do like the price!

How did I forget about it in the panic?

Course while I was uncovering it from the chaos of the attempted reorganization I discovered a secret about this guest bed.  Its supposed to be a bed, but it feels like a box spring! Mattress or the thing that you put the mattress on top of?  Ouch.  This princess is certainly feeling that pea!

the neglected bed...but I do love the quilt my mom & I made over one Thanksgiving visit!

(I love that I just realized I still have a phone on that wall… yet don’t have land line service! oops… yup I’m moving into my storage unit!)

Adapt.  I have spare blankets that I can put down to lay on.  I will MAKE IT WORK.  (yup I miss project runway a tad!)

Another thing that hit me today was a memory about a time where I was stressed out before.  Emotionally.  Back then I had a downstairs office below a salon which I shared with 2 other fantastic ladies.  Well long story short, someone left the water on & over flowed the salon… which dripped & CRASHED down on my desk area!  Thankfully another dear friend heard one of the first drips & acted fast to move the important stuff, like the computer, pictures, etc.  Still it was bizarre.

Some say water represents emotions.  Maybe this is the case.  Maybe the draining of the bed can symbolize the draining of all the history that I had in that bed.  The relationships let go, the nightmares & worries flowing out the window & the trauma of the waking up after the attack can just gush down that hose away from me.

New things.  Maybe not what I was wanting… yet.  But things are changing.