101 Days til Bliss

Life is just bizarre at times. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions as a family member passed away. At 97 no one can say they didn’t see it coming but the drama of it all still takes it’s toll.

In a lot of ways, the whole process was healing to me. Being able to be there as he let go was something a few years ago would have terrified me. Now I just realized that the process had started & accepted it for what it was. The death rattle didn’t scare me, just made me wish there was something I could do to prevent the pain & confusion. Thankfully although all I could do is talk with him & hold his hand, hospice was there to assist with the pain & anxiety. Not sure how people pass without them & their gifts but again I am grateful for all they do & amazed that people do this daily yet stay so positive and caring.

The good-bye itself carried a lot of emotion. I believe that you never turn your back on family & that blood binds, but at times that is tested for sure. He & I didn’t agree on a lot of things, but he cared for my father when he was young & tried to be there for us all. Listening to so many rave about him at his funeral almost made me forget the bad times. I am thankful that there are so many who do remember him fondly & that I could hear the good things he did in his life. His time on earth truly has impacted many people in a lot of ways which is an achievement for sure. He fought hard to make it to 100, but in the end it was time for him to go on.

Now it is time for us to move on. Getting hugs at the end of the days from my nephew and seeing his smile reminded me that there is hope for a better tomorrow. Just have to make it so.

Which got me thinking- why abandon this blog? Because it reminds me of the tough times? Nah. Those are the times that made me strong enough to be who I am today. Scars and all.

So time to revamp & renew. Change this into something that once again makes me feel at peace with life. Happy to be me. Thus the new look.

Hopefully the changes will be good ones. Time will tell.  All we can do is the best we can & find something to always look forward to. See the glimmer of hope.

For me today that spark is knowing that in 101 days I will be in Disney World with the cutest kid I know as one of the happiest aunts alive.

That and that there is always a snuggle waiting patiently by my side.

Pugs lives are just hard sometimes.

Pugs lives are just hard sometimes.

 

 

 

The one we KNEW was coming.

SHAME

SHAME
SHAME

It happened.

24 days straight, then BLEW IT.

I did not work out yesterday.  At all.  Not going through the motions.  Not slow and steady.  NOTHING.

Still dealing with the crud that has ravaged my body the past little while with this sinus infection.  Feeling exhausted & not getting much real sleep.  Work is intense & yesterday I went basically straight from work to meet up with a few people to discuss an upcoming event.  About 3 hours later I found myself at home and too pooped to deal with anything other than just shower, take care of the crew and crash.  I remember the thought crossing my mind several times during the day or I need to figure out when to work out.  But in the end, nope.

So no kindle?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE

& damn skippy I am not actually saying fudge.

Still the end result is to develop a habit.  So pick up the lazy ass & get back in gear.  Preferably also kicking my heels up high enough to impact with my rear end forcefully.  Yes ass kick is deserved.

BUT I also know the value of giving your body a break when it needs it.  Frankly if I wasn’t getting over being sick, I wouldn’t have any excuse.  Should have worked out, but I didn’t.  I also probably should have rested a lot more before I got as sick as I got.  But I didn’t.

I’m making myself a deal.  Since I am still struggling to breath like a normal human being & sleeping isn’t anything I am a champ at, its time to bend a rule.  Life isn’t fair, so why not give perks for good intentions?

So worked out tonight.  Full 30 minutes.  Maybe not full throttle, but I did it.

 Tomorrow I will work out again.  The next day, the following day & every day after that.  The habit (& Kindle Fire) will be mine as long as I keep focused.  One slip shouldn’t stop me from climbing the mountain.  As long as I keep up the 30 minutes per day for the remaining days AND I make up yesterday’s work out – I’m going to count myself as still on track.  The caveat is that since I missed a day, I have to work out for an extra hour to make it up.  So one day is going to be that day’s 30 minutes PLUS the make up hour.

Otherwise its off.  No Kindle Fire for me.

Does this make me weak?  maybe.  But giving up and not being gentle with myself is going to be a lot worse.

Still after this no more free passes!  As a friend says “time to work that ass!” Bring on the habit.  Then who knows where I may challenge myself to go?

General goalsfor the coming year & next few months…

  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day – hanging head VERY low.
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th – gave to the Cape Fear Literacy Council
  • Read more! – Five books down.  As much as I want to reach my goal of 24 in record time, some books you just don’t want to end. Loving the lunch time escapes!
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it – good news, I have found a great way to track what I am spending & have a better grasps of everything.  Bad news – tracking it doesn’t make me want to spend less. Just more guilt. Feels over budget today, but just because I paid for a full tank of gas, to have my oil changed during lunch & groceries. Ouch!

As for the more traditional resolutions:

  • Try one new thing each week – Attended a new group for crafters tonight along with a friend I hadn’t seen in way too long.  So many ideas brewing.
  • Cook something each week – Potluck at work tomorrow. How silly is it that it takes that to get me to do anything productive in my kitchen?
  • Take one photo I love each week –Exciting! I love being able to snap pictures of life. More to come… I promise.
  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing today TWO! One great Pixar card with a snowman & a jack hammer & another with a beautiful staircase from Poland. So much fun.
  • Floss daily – for all these years people have had teeth & a string is the best we can do for this? where is the innovation? still better than a twig I guess.
  • Meditate more – at least weekly – ok ok soon.  really. I know.
  • Daily food picture –  366 dishes – my eating habits are crap lately.
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week – Thankfully this isn’t an issue this week. Connecting with so many friends! Yesterday, today, tomorrow! Even have more plans in place for Saturday and a Tweet up tomorrow.