I know typically on blogs Wednesday is designated at the “Wordless” day where just a picture is posted, but today at least in my life is more of a WTF Wednesday!
Started the day a tad later than I expected, but sleep is sleep & I will take it when I can get it. Lately I have skipped the ambien doses and proven to myself that I can get sleep, not early & not nonstop, but I can sleep. My problem seems to still be night terrors but I think they are calmer physically at least. If not the guy has been polite enough not to call me out on them. Sometimes you just have to dream and deal. Yes the dreams of recent nights are of the odd WTF variety. A few though have my Mom in them even among the other not as pleasant aspects. Strange how just the memory can be comforting. Even if it is of her in a hospital bed. Missing her a lot lately.
The rest of the morning, afternoon, evening was spent trying to understand legal homework. Or rather the process I am supposed to be learning for doing the legal research. In a day where it seems every answer you could imagine is just a few keystrokes away, going through volumes of minuscule dusty text seems bizarre. Basically the archaic process is to look at the situation given. Then brainstorm key words in cases that might apply. Search through one set of books that use the key words to direct you to another set of books (each about 3 inches thick) that will possibly direct you to another set of books may contain the cases that may or may not be what you are looking for. Seems like a lot of extra steps to me. ONE topic took over an hour last night. Issue is that after you read the case that you are directed to, it may or may not fit. Then you start the process all over. Perhaps back in the day it was the way to do things, but I am too used to being able to find things in seconds with a click of a button. Thankfully there are now databases that assist in finding the cases with lightening fast speed. Some reading and decision making is still needed, but it seems a lot quicker for me. BUT the assignment is to learn how to research without the online tools.
My weakness appears to be attitude. I lose interest and get hung up on the insanity of all the extra. I find myself asking WTF am I doing? Then I get distracted thinking about other things. Not smart Ali not smart.
So instead of enjoying the beach on the first day in a LONG time where the weather made the thought of lounging on the sand possible and inviting, I wasted the day trying to force myself to learn the process and find a more logical and streamlined way of doing the work without all the extra steps. (Didn’t happen. Databases are still best bet!)
On the verge of tears at the end of the day I found myself wondering why I thought this was going to be the career for me? Law is certainly not quite what I expected it to be. In a lot of ways that is a great thing. In others, not so much.
Processes that I know for a fact are less effective and efficient are simply not something that I strive to do. Unless I am able to do my best and not feel like I am just going thru steps, it isn’t for me. Hoping this class is just the speed bump and sort of like the theoretics that all must learn to appreciate the way we do things now in the modern age. Time will tell.
Mr Man decided that we should enjoy the warmer temperatures even if our schedules didn’t let us make it to the beach. So tonight we grilled and sipped chilled drinks while talking outside watching the stars come out for their nightly appearance. The stress of the day melted away reminded me that life is pretty amazing if you stop to just savor the moments.
Tomorrow I will be back to the grind with more assignments and hopefully finishing up the beast of this research, but tonight, I say WTF I am enjoying this moment.