Hope Glows Like a Chandelier

Remember how I dreamed of redoing my bedroom & then put all that on hold after changing & then leaving my job?

study session

I wanted so badly to just change it all from top to bottom.  I really did mean start at the top!

Even tried to make a faux capiz chandelier that basically would fit over the existing unit & replace the cover!  That stupid thing is STILL waiting around for me to finish.  It may end up chunked in the trash very soon. I tried to make lemonade out of the lemon of a bedroom light I had, but without the sugar it just ended up sour & unfinished.

 This weekend I got offered some free handy services from the Crab.  He had noticed a few things that to me would mean expensive outside professional help, but having previously built a few houses himself, he had the knowledge & ability to fix.  Some seemed simple,  but annoying – like the bathroom door that seems to enjoy trapping people inside with its required random number of turns to open.  Some seemed monumental to me – like the dripping faucet IN THE BATH TUB! No clue how to even begin to tackle that one.  I seriously had visions of needing to rip thru a wall to get to the pipes.  Deal was I bought the supplies and he would give free labor, I tossed in dinner for good measure & we were off to the home improvement big box.  Several trips & hours later, I was beaming at all that had been accomplished.

thankfully it wasn’t THAT drastic!

Then he mentioned the fact that the two bulbs in the ceiling light in my bedroom were driving him crazy being two different wattages or shades or whatever it was.  Honestly I didn’t think it mattered as much as I hated that light.  Course I agreed that installing new matching bulbs would be a good thing & off we were…. almost.  Then I brought up the chandelier & how I had dreamed of popping it up one day.   I’m sure he probably regreted the next statement, but there it was “I can put that up if you want. Its not hard.”  HA!  Not hard my ass.  It is when you have no clue what’s what.

Out came my crystal laden beauty!  After some adjusting for height, there it was – up and on!  The dream was one little step closer to being reality.  We talked of moving stuff around & replacing this or that.  But mostly all I could do was stare in wonder at the light, finally where it should be lighting up my room.  It already felt/feels cozier & more me.

Maybe the dreams aren’t totally dead just yet.  Sometimes I guess it takes a few steps back & letting go to move forward.  Then again a great side kick certainly helps too.

Tomorrow I attempt to tackle the summer clothes purge – 100 things gone (yes I have more than enough clothes to wear! Sadly I may be a clothes hoarder).  We dropped off one bag at the Goodwill today with 26 things no longer needed.  Tomorrow going for at least another 75!  We shall see.

Also looking forward to registering for classes in the morning & figuring out what the next few months are going to look like.  Hopefully I can get into the classes I need & maybe even have some time left over to get a part time job & bring in money to assist in taking a few more steps to home improvement.  We shall see.  But tonight I am going to be snoozing under my very own chandelier – feeling pretty proud, pretty loved & just plain pretty.

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Stepping Out

Feels like the moments in life lately just keep zooming by.

“I kept looking for happiness, and then I realized, this is it. It’s a moment, and it comes, and it goes, and it’ll come back again.” – Nicole Kidman

Had a few ideas over the weekend that give me hope and although life may not be what I expected, why not make it what I can? But those will have to wait for now.

Surprisingly I got in some IKEA time this weekend!  Even with the parents in tow.  Mom got a new wheelchair, which means she can do more without worrying about wearing herself out & not being able to get around as much.  Just what I needed – time dreaming in IKEA without the guilt of not spending time with them!

oh to come home to relax here

Feel in love with a few looks, but only one came home with me.

YES the night stand.  Which of course being IKEA needs to be put together.  Perhaps tomorrow.  Baby step towards the room I want but steps.  Ideas are blooming & hopefully one day I will walk in the garden I dream of.  Until then I have hope.

My One Night Stand

Dream mode again.

Another long day at work followed by wishing.  Spent a little while browsing houses online & wondering why on earth some people are allowed to use wall paper.  Some of its is just so wrong.

Still I have white walls.  No room to toss the stones here.  At least they attempted to make the statement with more than just a few things nailed to the walls.

Feeling stuck again.  Now that I am more secure job wise (can’t believe its been a year since I left my old job!) I feel like I should be working toward making more of a dream.  Still do I move? or do I redo?  Investing in one or the other.  Not both.  Focus.

Haven’t found the dream house (at a price that is reasonably in my limits) & haven’t found a dream bedroom (IKEA discontinued a couple of pieces in the other one I had in mind).  So for now dream.  Spread the wings & entertain all ideas.

this had a lavendar inside! too cute! love Home Goods.

Nightstand?

loving this look still.

can you imagine how much I would need to clean this?

maybe?

much better... or at least practical glam

or maybe I should just keep imagining & see where my dreams will lead.

keep the purchases small & easy to move if need be.

loving these! May need to go back & snag at least one.

Who knows what life has in store.

On Hold

I planned to spend the weekend with friends doing fun things and getting more done in the house.  I planned on being able to crave working out each day for 30 minutes by now since its been over two weeks since I started.  I planned on being at work this morning at 8:30 ready to face the day & do what I do.

All that got put on hold.  My body had other plans.

Woke up feeling worse.  Or maybe the same, but knowing I couldn’t feel like this made it feel even worse.  I got up, dragged myself to the bathroom to start the morning routine & with tears in my eyes realize it was not happening.  I wasn’t crying.  More like the eyes watering thing you get when you just feel awful physically.  My body still aches, my head is pounding, felt dizzy, stomach is twisted and I can breath thru my mouth still even if my nose seems to be on vacation, but at least mentally the sleep did me well.  So I am using the first paid day off of 2012 – as an actual sick day.  Bummer.

So back to bed.  Popped a couple of pills & chugged down more water.  Hoping that resting and sleep will kick this to the curb.  So Baxter at least seems happy with my choice.

So why I am blogging instead of snoozing?  That would be the parrots.  For whatever reason my staying home has them excited & in no mood to stay quiet.  Again I am wishing for a bigger house & a dedicated bird room or space.  Some way to get away & rest quietly.  I love ’em but sometimes….  so instead I will lay here & rest.  Dreaming of quieter places.  Maybe wish that I hadn’t put my bedroom makeover or moving to another place on hold.

blue boudior

study session

Life Check Time

Time to update & maybe set a few additional goals.   Its been a while.

Health

At the moment, my health is good – still struggling to accept things that are.  Still trying to get into more of a scheduled exercise regimen or set some goals to keep me going.  Just too easy to forget sometimes.

Might be time to do something more structured.  A diet challenge or exercise challenge.  Wondering how fast I can walk the distance from here to Walt Disney World?  Time to dust off the pedometer & see!

Money

Is anyone in this country where they want to be financially?

With the holidays coming up this is a tough one.

Still adapting to making less in a job that fits me better.  Sadly I admit that I am using credit cards more that I would like.  Still haven’t touched the 401k, but I’m not adding to it & frankly its looking puny with the stocks.  Very tempting to slip it out and into an account where I can use it if needed – which I’m sure I would find something that I needed!  So its staying where it is.

Thankfully my parents set up my first account in a credit union and that is where I have stayed (& continue to).  I have not had to deal with corporate banks ever other than HSAs & 401ks set up by employers.  May look into moving the 401k to the credit union soon.  Then I wouldn’t have anything to do with them other than the credit cards, which sooner or later I would like to do away with all together.  Guess this needs more thinking & focus.

Relationships

Meh? well what can I say…. I keep trying.

I continue to go on dates & be open, but honestly I’m not really enamored by anyone at this point.  I have met a lot of great guys and yes a few that I was very grateful to be done with at the end of the date.  Trying new things & staying open to others that I would normally pass by.  Bonus is that occasionally I do let them pay when they offer & things are going good, which is great for the finances.  Still doing the dutch thing mostly for self respect and so I’m not giving anyone the wrong impression.

Not spending as much time with the family as I would like, but have enjoyed the time together more.  Not as much strife or tension.  Some great memories are being made as houses are transformed, trips taken & of course that amazing day going to the Panthers game & getting to sit so close to the field.

I’m still making new friends & sticking to the goal of spending at least an hour with someone non-family related.  There are so many incredible people in my life that its never enough time to catch up with everyone.

Said good-bye to Bongo, which still hurts more than I could have expected.  Welcoming Barris to the flock has been great & he seems to bring a few characteristics that Bongo had – like spending so much time on a certain swing & hanging upside down.  Still building on the relationship & trust, but I already love the lil guy.  Thankful that Bijou grows closer, Grouch still is a riot with the love he gives, Binx is biting a lot less & behaving better and of course Baxter is my world & the best snuggle buddy a gal could ask for on a chilly night.

I’m truly blessed.

Spirituality

Feeling pulled more and more to stay true to what I feel and explore in depth more.  I’m more open with who I am which has made for quite a few interesting conversations on dates.  To one as soon as I answered that I don’t attend church, when asked what church I went to, was the end all be all of that date.  To another learning that I was psychic turned into a constant game of “what do you see for me?”, “how do we turn out?”, etc. which while I appreciate his enthusiasm, I wasn’t there for a reading.  Besides I still believe that every choice we make can change the path we are on.  Although something might come up, it doesn’t mean its set in stone.  Hoping to find the balance soon.

Agreed to do a few new things that will have me relying on believing in my abilities & looking forward to seeing how it all turns out.

So less private & more acceptance that what I believe is just as valid as anyone else’s religion.  The divine can’t be pigeon holed into just one path, in my opinion.  Why shouldn’t there be various paths to walk.  Everyone is called to be who they are inside and trust that they are who they need to be or free themselves from the binding holding them back.

While it still is painful to think about the past and things that have been said, I recognize that those people for the most part are not in my life any longer (other than a few family members who I value enough to forgive).  I should be thankful for the test that they presented allowing myself to grow stronger in the end and just be who I am – without fear that everyone I meet will be as judgmental as they were.

Also have decided that I want to get my astrological chart done, but that I’m sure will be another post in the future.

Giving

While the Breast Cancer walk might have been a bit of a let down since I wasn’t aware of how it would actually work, I’m proud to say that I was able to raise money that without the walk, I wouldn’t have been able to give them.  Sure I may have gotten flak for helping such a highly publicized organization instead of one that could have benefited from the money more or that helped the cancer that my mom is battling.  Truth is that if we have to focus on one in particular to find a way to prevent, cure or treat effectively, I’m all for it.  Solutions for one problem sometimes can help to solve others.  I’m glad I was able to help some & thankful that I’m not fighting that battle myself.

Loving the 10 on 10 challenge.  Looking forward to helping a few more causes or people every month.  The $10 might not be a huge donation, but being able to remember and give each month is great!

Hobbies

I have the urge to sew again, but just haven’t taken the steps to restart.

Loving the shots of life I have captured and looking forward to catching a few more.  Still working on completing the scavenger hunt.

Home

I still hate this house.  I have given up on it.

This morning I checked on my dream stuff in hopes of inspiration, only to find that the dresser with the mirror on top is no longer available at IKEA, so it seems life has given up on the dream bedroom change too.  Whatever.

Its just a box.  A cage.  A place to do what I have to in the inbetween work shifts and meeting with people.  There is no love in these walls.  Still I am thankful to have what I have.  Its not a tent or box on a street or moving back in with the parents so for my own space I am grateful.

Could be worse, but it could be SOOOO much better.

Work

Daily I am reminded how tough the work search is & I am so thankful that my own change in employment never led me to unemployment assistance or some of the other drastic things I hear others have had to do.

I wish I could help everyone connect with there own dreams.  Glad I am able to assist a few along the way.  Sure I see some of the horror stories and take the brunt of angst for those who are frustrated with their process.  Hoping that every day I can do something to help someone – be it the employees to find someone new to work with or the people seeking a new way to get by.

Also recognizing that it takes so much to get by living alone.

Hoping to add something new to the income stream, but working out the details and dreams.  Still enjoying working as a recruiter and catering server when I get the chance.  Fulfilling work indeed! Making dreams come true should be something everyone gets the chance to do.

I truly am lucky.

What a piece of Capiz.

So in scanning the DIY projects in other blogs, there was one recently that made me think – I can do that & I want to do that!

Capiz shell chandeliers are LURVELY & a bit out of my budget – especially at the moment.

 

this one runs $1,375 at Cielo Home

Could be very pretty for the bedroom until I can get my real one up & hooked up.

But a faux one seemed easy to make & exactly in my budget!  I got the circle cutter discounted ($12).  Two boxes of waxed paper (a buck each – $2), substituted a hanging planter for the lampshade frame ($1 – thanks Dollar Store) & the string, beads & glue I had around the house.  So a total of $15 for a new bedroom lamp? I am willing to try!

Course it was after I spent around 2 hours making the fake capiz shells that I discovered I can purchase around 100 REAL ones for about $12.  Oh well live & learn.  I’m adding more personality to it by making them, right?

Being me I couldn’t just leave well enough alone.  I decided to add a bit more flair to it.  So at the end of the bottom row of shells dangling, I am adding a couple of tiny purple beads, a mirrored bead & a couple of pieces of amethyst!

Amethyst is thought to help people bring the divine into even the mundane parts of their life.  Helps to ground & reduce stress, even help with insomnia!

I have several pieces around the house – was told once that as long as you have amethyst in the room you will feel comfortable there.  Having some hanging in the lamp felt right.

We shall see how it all looks & comes together!  Fingers crossed – even if they are a tad sore from the hot glue.

Back to work…. but first a few images that inspire.

Another Bedroom Upstairs

My Office 1

Cute right? Plus a bonus for using the faux “shells” is that you don’t get the tinkling & clinking noises that you do with real shells.  Great for outside or in a spa, but could be annoying at night in the dark when the AC comes on!

Ready? Aim. Update!

A while back I set a few targets to aim at.

In the spirit of the Spring Equinox, time to check back in.

Health

According to my psychiatrist, I am doing great mentally!

Physically, well I just keep putting off getting in shape.  How very American of me.  Call it my way of showing patriotism.

I did get health insurance, I think since they deducted the amount in my account to cover the payment, so I will be planning a check up and my annual girly visit soon.  Also am hoping will be giving the treadmill a workout more often this spring.

Money

Certainly not where I was.

Can’t say this is improved, but I am hopeful.

My uncle’s car has sold.  I continue to be able to pay my bills, but the extra money is tight to non-existent at the moment.  Still I don’t feel like I am to the point of selling off body parts to maintain my hobby of eating regularly.

Relationships

Cupid you seriously can be so stupid.

For whatever reason one person continues to stay on the outskirts of my life.  Still unsure why we keep each other at that distance.  Is it we know we would never work out or the deep fear that we would? Who knows.

Still I continue to date.  Met a few guys over the past couple of months, but no one that has gotten past a quick kiss goodnight or friendship status.

Still gaining in closeness with my family & REALLY grateful that we are all able to spend more time together.

Spirituality

The low hum has revved up to a loud chant at a full moon fire side ceremony!

So much more actively growing in this aspect.

Ask & the doors open.

I have connected with so many people that continue to enrich my studies, remind me of what is possible, available & beautiful in life.

Giving

The challenge at the moment is learning to give – without thinking in terms of money.  I am decluttering (365 Days, at least one item per day) but its hard to think of giving outside monetary gifts.

I almost started working at the Red Cross as a volunteer, but at the last moment it didn’t work out with my schedule.  I may still find a way to give some time there or just figure out a way to donate somewhere else.

This needs to be a better focus.

Hobbies

Still struggling to get back into cooking for fun & sewing/quilting, but other than a few moments I just don’t seem to hear the muse when the space & time are there to work.  Same can be said for the pendants. Thankfully I got one to my sister, but haven’t finished many more.  Harder to come up with the design inside the pendant & what to do with the completed ones.

Photography I have decided will always be a hobby & never a career.  I devoted time to the local camera group & adore a few friends I have made through there, but unfortunately I don’t enjoy the events anymore.  Being “in charge” of organizing has taken the fun.  Other participants expect more than just showing up & having fun like we used to.  As the club grows in size, new members seem to want a host for the event & find some strange joy in complaining about various things that happen to go wrong.  I’m over listening to people unload their stresses.   Giving it a bit of time and hoping I can renew my enthusiasm soon.  Til then I am LOVING capturing the sights of life & have my own photo challenge to keep me busy.

Home

So much of this renovation project has been put on hold.  Can’t really see the logic behind spending money on it while not working, yet when I do work, I don’t have time to work on the house.  Still working on clearing out the unneeded, but when it comes to projects…..

Also at a standstill.  Thought it would be great to get some flooring down in the bedroom.  Just a start.  Maybe even get the paint on the walls.  Wouldn’t be too expensive & I could do it while I had time.

My ideas would have been get the IKEA Tundra flooring in white.  I visited IKEA with my family & while I loved the look of it & ease of application, they argued that it looked cheap & wouldn’t last.  …well I am hoping to sell the house within the next decade & move, let the next people decide what floor they love & put it in.  This stuff is a floating floor so it wouldn’t be damaging the concrete flooring underneath.  Seems win win to me.

NOPE.  Just to me.

Everyone else is in love with the look of wood.  I am over it.  Its everywhere.  I want white.  NOT white washed, white.  Not birch or bamboo look, WHITE.  I’m out numbered, even though its my own house! Also they thing we should do the WHOLE HOUSE at one time! Suddenly my bedroom project is becoming a move everything out of the house & find another place to live for a while & let professionals do it for me project.  (Why?)

So tile instead of wood?  I like tile. Have wanted it for my living room for a while – slate in the various colors.  Still outnumbered.  They are open to tile possibly but not the tiles I wanted. Plus I don’t want the dark tiles in the bedroom! Its great for a larger room, but the smaller room needs a lighter look I think.  The suggestion of beige tiles through out was brought up.  Bleh-aysh… I really like beige about as much as having the underwire of my bra poke me all day.  I tolerate it, but would I want to sign up purposely for it? NO!  Tile can be beautiful but can I have something that doesn’t remind me of doctors exam rooms or school cafeterias?

My grandfather made a living laying tile.  If only I had learned the art from him.  I would give the world to have him right now.  He would know exactly what tile would work & probably help me have the two different looks in the two different rooms that are used for two very different reasons.

So… no go on the floors for now.  ….unless I just sneak & do it myself.  Which I may have to in order to avoid the blah of beige or the splinter in my eye of the wood look in a room I do not have any desire to have it in.

On a better note, I may have a bed by June.  A friend is moving & needs to get rid of a queen set so she doesn’t have to haul it from the Atlantic coast to the Pacific!  It will be used, but it will be bigger than this twin Baxter & I cram into nightly now.

Work

Still searching for the holy grail.

A paycheck doing something that I love doing.

Left the job.  No more steady paycheck.  Still open to what life is going to put in front of me to learn from now.

Wish me luck!