Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, “I just don’t care.”?

THE LIST for 2015 is FINALLY complete & I’m excited to start checking off all the fun things on it before 2015 is over. Last year I managed to check of 45 of the 99 things listed. This year will be even more.

Thankfully last night, I was able to make a dream come true & strike off one thing from the list as done!

I finally sprang for a class in Aerial Silks!

(cue the Glitter in the Air song)

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I will be honest, when I walked into the class my plan was to get some pictures & write a blog post about my introduction to aerial silks. Had a friend who signed up too & thought how easy to just snap a couple of action shots? Would have been had I not entranced from the moment one of the students hung up the contraption to the huge hook in the ceiling. The braided fabric beautifully falling the height of the room and puddling its excess on the floor.  I may have internally squealed as the teacher tested the stretch & give of the sash.
We warmed up and she went over a few basic stretching & things to know like terminology and facts like how much weight the humongous single piece of fabric could hold (note: no fears here. All 7 of us could have climbed on & it still wouldn’t have been strained from the weight!).

It was scary for sure, trusting that the fabric wrapped in a particular way would hold us from falling on the wooden floors. Not being the first to go was a practice in patience and helped to make it a bit easier to feel confident in the wrap. Once I did get my chance, it felt amazing! Although we might have looked graceful and at ease in the poses, they were challenging to get into. The tension in my muscles battled with the desire to stay swinging. The stress seemed to fall from my body as I inverted and let go of the fear of falling.

The names of the poses also thrilled me.  Mermaid.  Angel.  Star. Flamingo.  Peter pan. All great things in my eyes.  I left imagining signing up for as many classes as possible to fit in.

Today it all definitely crashed back down to ground. Seems there was some mix up from when I signed up. The studio offered a discount rate of $5 off when you signed up early. So in December I made the decision to go on and treat myself while I had the cash. Logged in to their website, found the class, entered my information & excitedly told friends about it in hopes they would sign up as well. Which worked.

I thought anyway. Tonight I get a voice mail with a snippy message saying that while they hoped I enjoyed the class, they wondered why I was there last night since they didn’t have me enrolled. Huh? It went on to elaborate how people had to enroll to go to any of the classes… blah blah blah. The point was very clear.

I called back as requested. Thankfully I had saved the email showing when & how I had paid. Unfortunately I also noticed I had been charged the full rate. The person on the phone went into some tirade about how I shouldn’t have been there taking up space last night since I wasn’t enrolled. Only after I mentioned the emailed receipt did she seem to realize I didn’t just show up & get a free class.  She could see their records showing that I had paid in December.  Are they used to people just randomly paying you without any expectations? Turns out their system will take the payment yet you still need to enroll separately.  She tried to explain how I had messed up.

No apologies. No refunds. No going back.

Certainly I had messed up.  In spending the cash to try something new and expecting their system to work.

Mercury is in retrograde and it feels like it for sure. Communication breakdowns left and right. I’m hanging on & trying to see the positives but at times I just want to scream. Tonight I am trusting that the wraps will hold tight and that tomorrow will be easier. At least I got to enjoy dangling for a little while.

As for getting back into the air? Thankfully the teacher runs her own company and holds classes in several locations around town.  Now I just have to make sure that next time, no one considers me as the tag-a-log extra freeloading. I may not have much cash at the moment, but I draw the line at stealing. Oh life. Why do you test us all so much?

Thankfully day 5 is in the books. Only 95 more days of working out & writing left to go. Then the real magic – Disney! For now, I will just strive to catch a few dreams in my sleep & hope that the morning light brings a new outlook. Until then…

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Know what else…

screw it.

that 100 days challenge is done.

Got sick.  Missed a day.

Even when I have been working out, it was barely working out.  Normally I wouldn’t have even remotely considered walking that slowly exercise, but I gave myself passes for being sick.   Whatever.  The reality is it didn’t happen.  Maybe another time.  Slack days didn’t need to count like that.

Plenty of other days I don’t feel like it.

Today is one of those.

Screw it.

The one we KNEW was coming.

SHAME

SHAME
SHAME

It happened.

24 days straight, then BLEW IT.

I did not work out yesterday.  At all.  Not going through the motions.  Not slow and steady.  NOTHING.

Still dealing with the crud that has ravaged my body the past little while with this sinus infection.  Feeling exhausted & not getting much real sleep.  Work is intense & yesterday I went basically straight from work to meet up with a few people to discuss an upcoming event.  About 3 hours later I found myself at home and too pooped to deal with anything other than just shower, take care of the crew and crash.  I remember the thought crossing my mind several times during the day or I need to figure out when to work out.  But in the end, nope.

So no kindle?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE

& damn skippy I am not actually saying fudge.

Still the end result is to develop a habit.  So pick up the lazy ass & get back in gear.  Preferably also kicking my heels up high enough to impact with my rear end forcefully.  Yes ass kick is deserved.

BUT I also know the value of giving your body a break when it needs it.  Frankly if I wasn’t getting over being sick, I wouldn’t have any excuse.  Should have worked out, but I didn’t.  I also probably should have rested a lot more before I got as sick as I got.  But I didn’t.

I’m making myself a deal.  Since I am still struggling to breath like a normal human being & sleeping isn’t anything I am a champ at, its time to bend a rule.  Life isn’t fair, so why not give perks for good intentions?

So worked out tonight.  Full 30 minutes.  Maybe not full throttle, but I did it.

 Tomorrow I will work out again.  The next day, the following day & every day after that.  The habit (& Kindle Fire) will be mine as long as I keep focused.  One slip shouldn’t stop me from climbing the mountain.  As long as I keep up the 30 minutes per day for the remaining days AND I make up yesterday’s work out – I’m going to count myself as still on track.  The caveat is that since I missed a day, I have to work out for an extra hour to make it up.  So one day is going to be that day’s 30 minutes PLUS the make up hour.

Otherwise its off.  No Kindle Fire for me.

Does this make me weak?  maybe.  But giving up and not being gentle with myself is going to be a lot worse.

Still after this no more free passes!  As a friend says “time to work that ass!” Bring on the habit.  Then who knows where I may challenge myself to go?

General goalsfor the coming year & next few months…

  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day – hanging head VERY low.
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th – gave to the Cape Fear Literacy Council
  • Read more! – Five books down.  As much as I want to reach my goal of 24 in record time, some books you just don’t want to end. Loving the lunch time escapes!
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it – good news, I have found a great way to track what I am spending & have a better grasps of everything.  Bad news – tracking it doesn’t make me want to spend less. Just more guilt. Feels over budget today, but just because I paid for a full tank of gas, to have my oil changed during lunch & groceries. Ouch!

As for the more traditional resolutions:

  • Try one new thing each week – Attended a new group for crafters tonight along with a friend I hadn’t seen in way too long.  So many ideas brewing.
  • Cook something each week – Potluck at work tomorrow. How silly is it that it takes that to get me to do anything productive in my kitchen?
  • Take one photo I love each week –Exciting! I love being able to snap pictures of life. More to come… I promise.
  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing today TWO! One great Pixar card with a snowman & a jack hammer & another with a beautiful staircase from Poland. So much fun.
  • Floss daily – for all these years people have had teeth & a string is the best we can do for this? where is the innovation? still better than a twig I guess.
  • Meditate more – at least weekly – ok ok soon.  really. I know.
  • Daily food picture –  366 dishes – my eating habits are crap lately.
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week – Thankfully this isn’t an issue this week. Connecting with so many friends! Yesterday, today, tomorrow! Even have more plans in place for Saturday and a Tweet up tomorrow.

Day 12. Resolve or Dissolve

Wondering how long the average resolutions are kept.

Some are broken in hours.  Others days, weeks… but there have to be some that actually become new habits.  Change from resolutions to just everyday life.  There are things left behind without ever realizing we did.  Others come into our lives and stick.  No one says this will be the final page I color, but there is that final piece.  Would we stay a bit more in the lines if we knew? or go all out in reckless abandon filling the sheet on our own terms?  Subconsciously or with thought, we change.

Whether we want to or not.

Week Two check in…

General goalsfor the coming year & next few months…

  • Purge 100 things from my world within the first 2 days of 2012
  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day – more on that in a second….
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th – gave to the Cape Fear Literacy Council
  • Read more! – Finished the first book of the year! 48% into the next one and I am loving it.
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it – so this is where all the cash goes…. crap. I need to make more cash or do better at this.

As for the more traditional resolutions:

  • Try one new thing each week – didn’t think this would be so hard to think of new things! Must think up something quick.
  • Cook something each week – I baked. It came from a mix, but I baked.  Thankfully they were not all for me but I did enjoy a couple – quality control of course.
  • Take one photo I love each week – last week, well nothing.  I took pictures. But do I love them? eh. Maybe a couple.  This week… a phone pic from this morning melts me!

oh Baxter! So sleepy, yet I dragged him out early to go get his nails trimmed.

  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing nothing to report on this yet for the week.  Maybe I will mail out another tomorrow.
  • Floss daily – in all honesty. yesterday, I didn’t floss. today, I did.
  • Meditate more – at least weekly – nope. not so far. When did this go from often to never anyway? Why did I stop meditating?
  • Daily food picture –  366 dishes – I seriously need to eat better & this is proof for sure.
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week – there are a couple of events this weekend I am looking forward to.  I just feel drained after work & a day listening to people complain does not exactly make me feel like being around people.  Thankfully the parrots don’t talk too much.

So back to that 100 Day Challenge.  Did I work out?  Well, my lazy butt is feeling especially tired tonight.  Thought, well I could do an hour tomorrow since its already so late tonight.  Then…

that came on TV.  I’m not even kidding.  That very commercial.  Divine message?  Perhaps.  Perhaps not.  Either way, it was certainly motivation that I needed.  Had to laugh out loud, shake my head & smile.

So up & onto the treadmill.  Thankfully Thursdays are good nights for TV to distract & the parrots each got to take a turn hanging out while I worked out.  Just 30 minutes.  Nothing spectacular or intense, but its done.  One step closer to that Kindle Fire at the end.

No.  I will not quit on day 12.

Just So Very Versatile

I love feedback!  Especially when its not some spam bot.  When it happens to be positive, I love it even more.  Imagine how much it made my day when I got the notice that I had someone post this!

Thank you so much, Madi!  I sincerely appreciate you sharing this.  (Check her out on her blog – My Story Uncensored)

The rules are as follows:

  1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
  2. Share 7 things about yourself
  3. Pass this award along to a few recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading
  4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award

So here goes! Seven things about myself:

  1. Sometimes I don’t eat the healthiest of meals.  Admittedly sometimes the kid inside wins & says why not have chocolate and wine for dinner? ok I had some beef jerky along side the dark M&Ms… don’t hate me. Tomorrow I will eat a real meal at some point. I promise.
  2. Thinking I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be in love.  The relationship type of caring for someone who cares for you back.  Slightly scared that if the opportunity ever came around again, I wouldn’t even recognize it.  Self protection is a blessing and a curse.
  3. I have an obsession with fortune cookies. Adore them completely & even tried to bake my own when I was a kid – didn’t work out so well.  I always seem to get bizarre ones or ones that are dead on.
  4. Already deep into another ebook and loving it! Crazy how wrapped up in a story I can get. Chasing Rainbows by Kathleen Long is killing me.  Shh.. keep it a secret, but I cried within the first chapter & have been torn between bawling & laughing uncontrollably ever since.  Still a bit pissed that its not recognized by Get Glue since I am loving the story & would love to recommend it.  But I guess I just did.
  5. I am not a fan of several “great” romances.  Romeo & Juliet – teens who die & never end up getting together.  Titanic – seriously was not impressed by anything but the boat.  Sinking into the abyss of the frigid ocean is not a happy ending.  The Notebook – hated it.  Its a nightmare.  Love that she never remembers & he has to tell her daily just to have her forget again.  Maybe I am missing something here, but I prefer a love that last.  Tell me a tale where they end up HAPPILY together ever after.
  6. Although I am only 11 days into the 100 Days challenge, I already feel like its going to take forever!  Really glad I vowed to get the Kindle Fire when I complete the 100 days of 30 minutes of exercise straight or I so wouldn’t be doing this.  I know that 11 days is NOT long & 30 minutes isn’t much, but I have gotten really lazy!  Change is coming soon (I hope).  I enjoy it when I do it, but getting moving is like pulling taffy with tweezers sometimes.
  7. Today is my mom’s birthday & although I saw her this weekend, I am missing her like crazy tonight.  Wish I was there to bake her a cake – perhaps give that chocolate pound cake another go?  Just have to hope that this year treats her well & we get to celebrate again next year with her.  Thankfully the doctor’s appointment went well this week & she is getting some time with her siblings right now.  Also I’m stunned at the rate her hair has grown back since chemo!  She has more body in those curls than I expected & no one can believe how soft it is.  Like a lamb.  So.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!  Make great wishes & know you are loved.

old picture, but this reminds me of how supportive you were Mom as I healed from the attack. Even when I adopted that pug at a time when I was barely able to care for myself. You let me be free & live life on my own terms. Thank you for giving me my wings & still keeping a warm perch for me to rest on.

Now to pick a couple of blogs to share this fun with! I am a blog addict.   The rules didn’t state how many, but I will go with seven.  A few that I never want to miss are (in no order in particular):

  • Ciao Bella – I swoon at the images & always seem to find something I would love or a place I would love to be or something I want to wear, or eat, or be… you get the idea!  Lots to pin on this one.
  • Gluten Hates Me – I’ve known Marlow for a while & saw how she was before she discovered that Gluten did indeed hate her.  Its such a beautiful thing to see her transition from struggling to accept the diagnosis to it just being a part of life.  She has embraced a piece of her that makes her unique & been kind enough to share & inspire others…. & of course she makes me want to cook more often!  Secret: the blog isn’t all about Gluten free life.  She is one cool chick & juggles married life, double puppy momdom, school & working all while blogging & staying in shape!
  • Positive and Inspirational Quotes – I love this spark of light that shines on in dark times to remind us that life is to be lived to the fullest & loved to the end.
  • Life, or something like it –  From the moment I met her I knew this chick has a way with a camera lens, but now following her blog I can see she has a great perspective on life too.  Even with the lens cap on & power off.  Plus she has these amazing curls I would adore having just for a day!
  • the Crystal Chick – a while back I discovered a podcast that warmed my soul.  Two women discussing topics that I didn’t think anyone else talked much about.  the Psychic Teachers became part of my weekly routine.  Each week the hour brought something new to think about & discover.  It flew by and I wanted to know even more.  Felt like they were people I could be friends with and be open about my real self.  Imagine my shock to hear them talking about the place they lived & mentioning places I knew! They live in the same town I do!  Even better is I have had the honor of sitting for a reading with them both (& a very gifted palm reader) and learned they are just as honest and beautiful in person as they sound like they would be on air.  Her blog is both an extension of the podcast and more.
  • Amuse-bouche – I know its a food reference, but I choose to read that A MUSE -bouche.  Not sure why she hasn’t blogged this year – yet, but I love that she takes a picture of herself every Tuesday & is brave enough to post it.  Also enjoyed hearing about her plan to learn to love working out & according to her Tweets, she truly has embraced the habit!
  • Short Jewish Girl – a friend shared this blog with me & although she is a coast away & lives life a bit differently than I, I adore reading her perspectives!  Seems like a woman I could spend a day laughing at life with.

So there you go.  A very versatile post where I seem to go all over the place!

So grateful for readers who care & for other blogs that inspire.  On a night where I got home & felt less than thrilled with the day, I am now smiling.  Now off to put in my 30 minutes of the day on the treadmill and then its going to be a big snuggle session with the pugster.

Oh what a world this is.

Off to a Good Start

Shopping trip was a partial success!

Nope no sports bar but I did finally find my planner for the year.  Not even close to what I thought I would get, but I think I love it! Even got a book – audio book, but its a book.

So progress…

General goals for the coming year & next few months…

  • Purge 100 things from my world within the first 2 days of 2012 DONE & DONE.  Maybe this is something I should do on the first couple days of every month.
  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day – two days down, 98 to go! Dusted off the Wii Fit for kicks tonight. That thing has quite the attitude! But it was fun to virtual run thru that weebles village.  No clue why but eh, why not.
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th
  • Read more! – Off to a good start & enjoying that I found another book by Paulo Coelho deeply discounted last night. Can’t wait to start listening to it. For now, just flipping pages in a few previously started reads. …& blogs.  Lots and lots of blogs.
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it – so far so good.  Actually shocked to realize that pay day is only a couple of days away! I can do this.

As for the more traditional resolutions:

  • Try one new thing each week
  • Cook something each week – Made Garlic Brown Sugar Chicken yesterday & hoping to make it again soon. Very delish! Might do a post on it.
  • Take one photo I love each week
  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing another 8 postcards sent out today & moved the ones I have received to a box.  Maybe next week the organization & mapping.
  • Floss daily – so far so good. 
  • Meditate more – at least weekly
  • Daily food picture –  366 dishes has some new images & I think this is going really help me look at what I am eating in a whole different light.
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week

Want to come up with a cool way to track these instead of posting every little detail, but that will come.

Oh & I totally forgot to post a picture of my New Years hat!

Perfect hat huh?  Glitter & PANTHERS colors!!!  Still a bit sad the season is over, but looking forward to next season being a much longer & more exciting one!  Plus I just love this cheap hat!  My parents got it for me last year & it made it through all of 2011 to shine again for 2012.  Still sparkling just as bright.  Maybe it will bring in 2013 & who knows make an appearance at a home game!

Tomorrow its back to work.  The last of the 4 day work weeks for a while.  Completely could get used to this, but with all the added pressure & chaos it really hasn’t felt like I have been working less.  I’m so grateful for this weekend & not trying to rush to Charlotte or cram a bunch of plans with friends into the mix.  Would have had a blast and I’m sure made some treasured memories, but I didn’t even realize how much I needed to just be in my own space for a while.  Nothing like no plans for a few days & no where to be.  Still time to kick this life back to reality.  Starting with a nice whole night’s sleep followed by that alarm bright and early.  Got the coffee cup ready to go guessing I will be needing it tomorrow morning.

Hoping the coffee will help fuel me to remember to push the trash out to the curb.  All that decluttering has that thing packed.  Hoping to make a drop off at goodwill tomorrow too.  Just one step closer to where I want to be.

Guess the holidays are finally over.  Here’s to another round survived!

New Day, New Life, New Me

Resolutions, schmesolutions… you can change for good anytime, not just on New Years! Still they are quite fun!

Yesterday I shared a few general goals for the coming year & next few months…

  • Purge 100 things from my world within the first 2 days of 2012 (54 things out of my life so far! Going to hustle today on those other 46.)
  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day (S0 far so good! That Kindle Fire is staring me down on Day 101!)
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th
  • Read more! (couple pages deeper into a book I started last year)
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it (Staying home yesterday & spending no cash helped with this!)

Today I share a few of what some may call resolutions.  For me that term seems to have this stigma of defeat.  So many are broken before the first calender page comes off.  For me its less about what I am giving up or changing & more about how I can live better.

  • Try one new thing each week
  • Cook something each week
  • Take one photo I love each week
  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing, but start mapping where all they came from – got the box to organize better, now need the map
  • Floss daily (was inspired by Gluten Hate’s Me’s post & have to say I love the Sticky Idea for the reminder daily!)
  • Meditate more – at least weekly
  • Daily food picture (follow along? 366 dishes – could be breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack,.. you just never know with me!)
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week

Today has been a late start thanks to another night dealing with the night terrors.  Realize that I have been slack with the meds, which isn’t a bad thing since some shouldn’t be taken with the alcohol – like no Ambien this weekend!  Still I as far as sometimes I think I come, there is always set backs to move past.  Strange how sometimes you wish you could stay in a dream forever yet some you can’t get away from fast enough.   Hoping those end soon as I get back on track.

Off to finally get a day planner for 2012 and hoping to find a decent sports bra on sale.  The couple I actually own are just pointless & with a certain semi-annual sale happening, maybe I will finally find one that does more for me than just turning the girls into a smushed up uniboob.

Best of luck to everyone who is setting resolutions and goals.

Lets all be realistic here & make the first thing on our lists to be ACCEPT OURSELVES.  We can enhance & improve & change the daily schedules, but ultimately we will be who we are, which isn’t always a bad thing – even if its not who are expected or influenced to be.

Be You

Hoping that we all make changes for the better this year & that 2013 finds us improved and more of who we truly are supposed to be.