the 10 Day YOU Challenge: 7 & the DietBet results

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 WANTS:

( will skip the obvious stuff like true love, world peace, cure for cancer, perfect health for all & stick to the materialistic stuff. Also great job & dream home on the beach are pretty much assumed right along side ability to swim like a mermaid & communicate with all species! Rest assured when I dream, I dream bigger than a list of 7 so I will limit it to items that can actually be purchased.)

7. This jeep. Love the color and quite frankly I am dying to get something with 4 wheel drive to get out to the North End areas of the beach to go camping & just relax in general. Sure I go to all the other beaches, but I want to be able to drive there too.

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ok pink or purple also would be awesome… black is good too.  Maybe I need to think more on this. But of the fun!

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6. Panthers jersey…. & of course a primo seat with season tickets.

5. Aviary greenhouse combo. Something where beautiful tropical plants can grow & a place where the parrots can get out & enjoy being “outside” but safely.  My own lil paradise.

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4. My own dance studio. Some space to just move around and work out. Barre, mirrored wall to check form when needed, pole & of course a great sound system & a weight bench over in a corner. Would be bliss. I miss the stretching involved in ballet dancing, the release of getting into the music & the strength that came from learning various pole moves.

3. New dish set that magically clean themselves after use. Too much to ask for? They don’t already make those? Why not?

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Ok so I guess just a fun new set of salad plates to have fun with would work too.

2. A boat.  No not just any boat, I want one I can enjoy & travel a bit on. Some space below to sleep.

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Like a ticket to the world. Plus imagine the adventures & the views!

1. All my memories.  Well organized. I wish we had organized all the photos we have taken over the years & made more notes along the way. Noted who was who & what date they were taken, where… all the details we forget. Hoping to start something better than just the old tote full of envelopes or the old peel and stick photo albums, although they are certainly a start. Wild how much work it can be all at once but if we just had done it along the way. No time like the present.

I could dream all day & actually have been thinking about this post several days. So much to desire in life, but also hit me how much I already have. I’m grateful for everything and that at times I have more than enough and am able to share. But oh what fun to dream!

Everything starts with a dream & thankfully I have happy news to report: I won my DietBet!

Baxter was happy too!

Baxter was happy too!

Not sure what the amount won will be, but I lost 14 lbs instead of the 8 lbs that was required. That in itself makes me a winner.  Will find out more after everyone’s outcomes have been verified & they determine how many people won. I have been verified so I am in! There were 1,10 people last I checked so that is a lot of people to verify!  & yes that means a pot of $25,250 to split up.

Hopefully the big payoff will be with improved medical tests when I return to the doctor. Either way I am celebrating with feeling great (& maybe buying myself something non-food). Need to dream more.

On the search for a new bet to place. Certainly can reinvest in myself, because I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

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Betting On It

I have a confession.

I may have a gambling problem.

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Will know more in 4 weeks.  Just teasing, this time I placed a bet on myself that I WILL win.

A friend recently posted on Facebook that he was losing weight & had made a bet on it. He won that bet.

My recent physical opened my eyes to a couple of potential issues I may be facing and one of the things that may help is to lose a few pounds. Genetics can be a real bitch. Also there are some eating issues that stress brings out in me. Noticing patterns has me aware, but awareness is only part of the solution. Actions are what matters. In this case, I need some accountability to make sure that I don’t get myself in trouble. Namely I need to eat regularly and I need to eat healthy.

No more skipping meals by accident and no more junk food. Ok once in a while, not forbidding anything. I know that game. The minute you say no more X, then X is all you crave. Self control is going to be easier than absolute restrictions.

The good news is there is some explanation for the “off” feeling I have had most of this year. It isn’t me losing my mind or just being lazy. The crappy news is now things have to change to try to gain back energy and be as healthy as possible.

First step is to start tracking everything I eat and eliminate a few things. Thanks to a couple of aps, the food tracking has been more simple than I expected it to be.  Started that today & admit it feels very familiar. This time I am using my power for good. Working with my doctor and psychiatrist to ensure this is going to be a step in the healing direction. Healthy is the goal.

In addition to the professionals, I wanted daily motivation and social support. A cheering squad to keep me on track.

So I placed my own bet. A simple $25 statement that says I believe in myself & my ability to do this. Well I believe that I can lose 4% of my body weight at least.

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Enter DietBet!

The rules are easy to understand. You join a group and the money is pooled together. At the end of the designated time, if you reach your goal, you get paid. I have 4 weeks to lose the 4% and then I will get my $25 back as well as my share of the pot (split between winners). At the moment the pot is over$16,575!

Admittedly the before pictures were a challenge in themselves. Emotionally and logistically. You get a code word to write on a piece of paper & hold that in 2 pictures – one full body, with face, showing you standing on the scale & another of the code word beside the scale as you are standing on it, showing your weight.

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This ensures that you are starting at a real weight instead of jacking your weight up above what it actually is.  Lots of trial & error since Baxter has yet to figure out how to take pictures. Lazy pug!

So now the game begins. There is a lot more than $25 on the line. As they say, Tomorrow is the first day…. of the rest of my life.

 

 

Busy is the new Happy

Know how when you try not to think of something, that ends up being the only thing you can think about?

That’s pretty much how my weekend ended up.

I keep thinking about everything that happened & didn’t happen. I miss him & still love him. Even have thought I have seen him a few times only to take a second look and it ends up being someone slightly similar. I know it is over but it still hurts.

I decided to get out of the house and do something rather than just wallowing in missing Mr Man. Distraction action!

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Spent some time at the beach. Starting my list of things I want to do… although not sure what the time frame is, this summer/before I start trying to find the next relationship? Also discovered that most of the time, if there is something I want to do, I just do it. No need to wait for a list. Which is pretty awesome. In fact some of the things I thought of and added to the list Friday, already happened this weekend! Checking off already! List to come soon.

Tossed the cheap pedometer that wasn’t counting steps any better than if I was trying to mentally count them. You get what you pay for sometimes. Turned out the FitBit Ones were on sale so back to a real deal I can trust. Goal is each day get more steps than the day before. This weekend though, I just focused on getting thru the days.

Attended group therapy (always interesting) & am looking forward to getting up with a friend there & possibly helping her with a resume. (old HR skills come in handy) Also learned of a yoga group that meets for the new moon that sounds incredible that I may join her for.

Accepted an invitation to a Kentucky Derby party & actually placed a bet on a horse.  Samraat didn’t win, but he/she came pretty close. Still proud. Ended up figuring out that the floppy hats got tossed during the purge, so had to make due with my trusty mouse ears.

Met up with a few friends after that downtown for the Port City Comedy Fest Top Comic Finals. We all could use a few laughs. Pleasantly surprised by some of the talent there. Definitely going to have to check out the local stand up scene more often. Still as I sat there, I just kept thinking how much I want to crawl in my bed and be held. I laughed, but sadness was still there. So when the contest was over & it was time to go dancing, I bid everyone a good night & headed home. Just didn’t feel like dancing & certainly didn’t feel like dampening their mood.

Woke up & hit the beach again. Sadness and missing Mr Man more and more. What do I stumble on while trying to park? TWO BRIDES. Dagger to the heart. Ended up tossing the towel a long distance away from the weddings and enjoyed soaking up some sun & listening to the waves.

Next up was to finally check out the crystal shop that I have been thinking about going to for a while now. They had a TON of stones that were just beautiful. Some that I really wanted to come home with me, but were beyond my meager means. Discovered some crystals I hadn’t even heard of. Before I went I thought about getting something to help with meditation & something to alleve this miserable muggy fog about me lately. Maybe a rose quartz or new amethyst to charge. Maybe something grounding to help ease the emotional wreck I have been lately. I was surprised by the selection & had two stones that I just couldn’t leave behind.

This stunning auralite 23 and blue fluorite!

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Smitten kitten. I basically just want to hold them forever. As soon as I got them home & sat feeling their energy, I felt peace. The tears stopped and I felt calm.

Both are healing stones and help with insights and growth.

Funny enough as I was leaving, the expert who was selling the stones mentioned that the blue fluorite was also called the student’s stone because it was excellent in helping to focus the mind. PERFECT. After the troubles this semester, I certainly needed this boost. Sometimes it seems the stones pick you.

As I held the auralite, I could almost feel a pulse emanating from it. Just a really beautiful, powerful crystal! It’s energy is inspiring & comforting. Yes I am in love.

Alas I had to separate from my new rock star friends for a few because I had agreed to another event & I was making myself go. Now is not the time to slip back into the staying home and avoiding crowds tendencies and this one promised to be a crowd.

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There was a rally downtown to support keeping the local film industry here. State politicians are threatening to end the incentives given to lure productions to the state and without them, the jobs will be lost to the 44 other states that DO offer incentives. Wilmington is a HUGE productions town, in fact a movie was being filmed in a restaurant just a few blocks up from the rally. Many people here benefit from the various TV shows, commercials, music videos & films being produced here. From the families that directly work in production to the people who serve them when they take a break, it all helps the local economy. To lose it would greatly impact the character and life of this city. Simply put FILM = JOBS & we need them here.

Attending the rally was inspiring but also exhausting. Sensory overload and a lot of people.  Still no panic attack & no need for a klonapin to get me through, which is a major plus. In fact I didn’t have to deal with any panic attacks or feel the need to pop klonapin to avoid them all weekend. I’m dealing and even if I haven’t a clue what is next or how to make life better at the moment, I’m healing.

Just got to get over this aching and back to better days.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day I wake and everything feels better.

Mellowing Me

Dealing

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A lot of crying.  Lot of anger. Lot of dreaming. Lot of hoping.
Few revisions of life.

Lucky to have family,  past and present who show me about survival.  And what real love looks like.  If my Dad can survive losing my mom and  If my grams can survive losing my grampa, after all those years of devotion and being together everyday, I can deal with losing someone who never cared for me an inch compared to their miles.

Relationships come and go, but when it is real, it stays and grows.

I still love him. But that will mellow.  I’m still angry that he could leave.  But that too will mellow in time. I cry for the memories of when we were together and I cry for the plans we had that will never happen.  I miss him during the night.  I miss him sharing meals (which I realized tonight may be part of why I have been forgetting to eat lately). I miss so much.

But there is so much changing in my life anyway that hopefully the distractions will keep me sane. If not there is still a closet and junk draw to clear out. Feeling another purge session. There is a freedom in letting go of the clutter in our lives.

My schedule is changing since the semester is over & summer session will be day classes.  Changing habits that I let slip trying to wait to get time to do them together. Pedometer goes back on today! I have a 5k coming up (in September, but surely there will be another before that). My lack of recent meditation sessions certainly can’t be blamed on him, but time to bring them back. Getting together with friends & accepting invites that before I would have wanted to check to see if “we” had plans or wanted to go. Photography has slipped away unless you can count phone shots, which while fun just isn’t the same. I’m journaling again & reading more. Helps the time pass.

Sooner or later it will feel better. Always does.

Also as much as I dread touching anything dosage wise after the last fiasco, we’re changing my meds again. See if it helps. Also going for a physical to see if there is anything else going on that may have changed things. Not sure I want a positive confirmation but with diagnosis you are more likely to better know how to treat.  Hope so. Scary but also I know something isn’t right. Figuring out how to make it better has to be better than just waiting for another meltdown.

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Discovered another Ali who went through a breakup & changed it into a positive recently. Her blog, The Break Up List, chronicles her life changing from the pain of having a 9 year relationship end to the pleasures of creating a life lived to its fullest. She even continues the list beyond the original 100 things and keeps going years later. By living life by her list she kept herself and (spoiler alert, but come on anyone sees this coming) she finds a new relationship that respects and encourages who she is.

So who knows. Maybe I will take time to create my own list. Certainly wasn’t as earth shattering a split, but I do miss my friend. It is time for a reinvention. Refocus on getting back to me.

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Earth Day – Grab that butt

Today I start a new adventure.

A challenge.

One I really hope that others join me on.

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In honor of Earth Day, I pledge to pick up one piece of litter everyday for the next year.

Could be a plastic bag, cigarette butt, straw or whatever is found to be laying around. Of course picking up more than one piece would be even better, but can you imagine if each and every person on this planet picked up one single piece a day? Together we would literally change the world and save lives.

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So will you join me? Maybe bring along a few friends to join the challenge. Together we CAN make a difference.

But wait, is it really that big a deal? I mean I walk outside & I see plenty of trash cans & plenty of grass. Is litter really a big deal?

YES.

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Face it, people are lazy or they just simply don’t even realize they dropped something or the wind blows it out of reach… life happens. The problem lies in the “it isn’t my job or my stuff littering, so I don’t need to worry about it” attitude. You are right in that it may not be anything you caused or created, but we are all living together. So be kind and help out by tossing those left behind items where they belong.

The blame game doesn’t get us anywhere, but action will.

This is a simple act that absolutely anyone who shares life on this planet can easily do. Just takes a few seconds and doesn’t cost a single cent. All it takes is motivation and dedication to make where you live a bit better. Increase the property value of Earth and feel great while doing it.

So can you join me? In honor of our beautiful planet.

Day One - piece number one, right in my yard. yuck!

Day One – piece number one, right in my yard. yuck!

Let’s clean it up.

As they say, this is the only home we have.

Happy Earth Day!

What should have been

It is one sad weekend around this house.

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Football season in my eyes ended this afternoon when referees saw to it that the 49ers got handed the lead over my beloved Panthers.  Still stand 100% behind the crew & I refuse to cheer on anyone else at this point.  To me NFL season is over today.

For once I was grateful not to be at the stadium.  Too say I didn’t keep my cool would be a nice way to put it.  Like I have said before, you mess with those I love & treat them unfairly & woe be you.  Time and chilling at home has calmed me down some but I still feel like we have been robbed of a great opportunity and I don’t understand why.  What I do know is there is nothing I can do about it other than start counting down the days until the draft party that starts the next Panthers preseason.

Acceptance of disappointments that I can not change is a theme this weekend.

Yesterday would have been Mom’s birthday & looking back I should have planned on it effecting me.  I thought I would have been better by now, but grief isn’t like that.  It truly is like waves that come and go.  I miss her & a lot lately I just want to call her up to vent or ask a question or relay a message in that way she had to other family members.  The gaps are still there and the pain still stings.

If I was still living solo I probably would have spent the day in bed not talking to a soul other than when my sister called to check in.  Dad was off camping with his cannon buddies, so I feel like he was taken care of.  My sister had friends coming in to visit, so she was good.  I didn’t think that maybe I would need the support too.  Luckily I had it by my side.  Thankfully he is a heavy sleeper & I did most of my “ugly cry” sobbing while he was still asleep.  Baxter however made sure to snuggle especially close.  Dogs just know.

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Reading also is helping me.  At one point before dawn I got up & made some tea & started a new book, Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman.  Sometimes the right thing gets to you at just the right time.  This is one of those times for sure.  Just at the start but already relating very closely and I recommend this for woman who is struggling with the loss of their mother.  A lot of the information is about those who have lost their mothers at a young age, but in a lot of ways it doesn’t matter the age.  Support systems play a big role in healing and I found myself realizing that not having one certainly has made the impact of her passing feel bigger.

Thankfully I am working on that and having Mr Man here to hold me & comfort me was luxury.  Still not feeling entirely like we aren’t just having a long sleep over as best friends, but I guess that is how good relationships should feel.  I just have to get used to it & remember it is ok to enjoy it without worrying about when it will end.  Scary as it is I am grateful that while mourning the loss of one loved one I am able to feel loved and valued.

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Even if she wasn’t here to celebrate I made sure to have cake.  He last birthday cake was angel food, so I picked one up.  Got it just to feel the comfort and connection to that day a year ago when we celebrated by her bedside watching her determinedly feeding herself spoonfuls of cake, strawberries & whipped cream.  Thinking about it afterwards I have to laugh at the obvious pun of having ANGEL food cake.  Then again it very easily could be a simple new tradition of remembrance.

& yes of course I made a wish.

Pretty sure she would have & would have wanted me too.  Moms are just like that sometimes.

Why Hello Nov

How on earth is it possibly November already?

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The time is going much faster than I realized.  Just doesn’t feel like it should be here yet.  Enjoyed my Halloween night, probably more than I should have, but still I forget it means the end of the year is so close.

Decided that whatever happens this month, happens.  I am going to try best not to expect too much.  Tradition will come back in time.  This year we just need to be together and support each other.

That & I am going to focus on non-holiday goals as distractions.

Which speaking of goals… I achieved one MUCH quicker than I thought I ever would!  At the start of the year I joined the GoodReads.com challenge to set a goal number of books to read in 2013 & by the end of October… I have done it!

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Thought with my history of not finishing them last few years, that 2 a month would be a stretch!  Here I am at 25 instead of 24 with two whole months left to go.  So I will keep going & who knows.

Now will I be able to write a novel in a month? We shall see.  Again it is NaNoWriMo and I’m jumping in.  Why not?  50,000 words in 30 days, who says I can’t? Others have.  Shall see.

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Definitely feeling inspired today!  Starting something new with a new idea.  Who knows where it will lead.  Something to publish? Something just for me?  Or something for the recycle bin!  Either way it is all in the experience.

Still debating on which 5k to do this month.  Thought for sure I would be registered for one by now, but nope.  Dragging my feet.  Why I just don’t even know.  Part is the decision.  This one or that one.  Course I guess there is nothing that says you can’t do two a month!

Oh yeah & toss in all the normal daily stuff.  Should be an interesting month!