Let It Go

Today was all about change.

Started out as a declutter session.  Get the chaos out & get organized.

One room in one day.  Then it snowballed.

Thankfully I wasn’t solo in the endevor or it never would have happened.

The couch was kicked to the curb!

don’t let it fool you, that was a fresh recover

No more wondering what to recover it with now.  No more UGLY furniture with old memories.  That couch has had its day.  Plus there is a new one on the way…. sooner or later thanks to my sister thinking of me.  She knows someone who moved & seeing the great condition of the couch & the FREEness, she snagged it.  So hopefully in August we can coordinate schedules & get it here.

Rumor is a table & chairs may actually be coming too.  What am I an adult now!?!  No more coffee table dining? whaaaa?  (yes please)

Still once the “trash everything” ball got rolling, we really got carried away!  Maybe it is all the get rid of the extra in your life, clutter is holding you back, etc talk I have heard lately, or maybe it was just time.

I tossed the ottoman with the wobbly leg that never stayed fixed.  The ugly side table that went with the couch and didn’t match the two other black Lack tables in the room.  Then it hit me when we were going through all the drawers & doors of the entertainment center – why not toss this massive beast too?  With the wood stuff gone, it matched NOTHING.  Plus it was MASSIVE!  Seemed like a huge change & isn’t that what all this is about?  Less space to stash the stuff, less stuff.  So we did.

Right to the curb it went.

My yard looks like someone could live out there.

Who knows what the neighbors think.  Who cares?  Feels much different in here.  In a great way.  The TV did need a spot to sit, so cheap fix it was.

Wishing IKEA was closer to dream in, but these work for now.

I feel very inspired.  The assistance of the man is a huge boost  – who can move a couch solo? Plus a book I just started reading, Throw Out 50 Things by Gail Blanke, is fueling fire.

Her method to declutter & organize is to toss 50 things, but unlike the previous challenge you can’t count each thing and you don’t have to rush.  Donate 4 books, only counts as one thing – books.  Toss 3 pairs of old worn out shoes, 1 thing to the list – shoes.  So you really are focusing on the stuff not the number.  Proud to say I am up to 36 things.  Yes I love a good challenge.

Now to decide what room to attack next…

Dreading my closet the most.  Maybe its time to climb that mountain again.

How the heck do we collect so much stuff?!

That blog cracks me up so much.  Nope I may never be an adult, but for now…. its ON!

Admittedly at first I had to wonder what on earth I was thinking.  I’m unemployed.  I’m in school.  I do not have the cash flow to be replacing furniture or anything really right now.  What if I need it again?  What if?  I will survive.  I do NOT need all those exercise VHS tapes that were collecting dust in the back of the entertainment center.  No one does.  Dog toys that Baxter never even looks at? Trash.  Incense cones that were free… never going to use them.  All this crap I don’t need…but what if it were to come in handy?  Who cares.

Letting it go.  If it doesn’t do me good right now, I don’t need it around right now.  Feels liberating, but yes a little scary.  Change always does.

Never get to where I want to be by living where I was.  Relocating doesn’t seem to be in the cards, but reinvention just takes imagination & motivation.

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Hope Glows Like a Chandelier

Remember how I dreamed of redoing my bedroom & then put all that on hold after changing & then leaving my job?

study session

I wanted so badly to just change it all from top to bottom.  I really did mean start at the top!

Even tried to make a faux capiz chandelier that basically would fit over the existing unit & replace the cover!  That stupid thing is STILL waiting around for me to finish.  It may end up chunked in the trash very soon. I tried to make lemonade out of the lemon of a bedroom light I had, but without the sugar it just ended up sour & unfinished.

 This weekend I got offered some free handy services from the Crab.  He had noticed a few things that to me would mean expensive outside professional help, but having previously built a few houses himself, he had the knowledge & ability to fix.  Some seemed simple,  but annoying – like the bathroom door that seems to enjoy trapping people inside with its required random number of turns to open.  Some seemed monumental to me – like the dripping faucet IN THE BATH TUB! No clue how to even begin to tackle that one.  I seriously had visions of needing to rip thru a wall to get to the pipes.  Deal was I bought the supplies and he would give free labor, I tossed in dinner for good measure & we were off to the home improvement big box.  Several trips & hours later, I was beaming at all that had been accomplished.

thankfully it wasn’t THAT drastic!

Then he mentioned the fact that the two bulbs in the ceiling light in my bedroom were driving him crazy being two different wattages or shades or whatever it was.  Honestly I didn’t think it mattered as much as I hated that light.  Course I agreed that installing new matching bulbs would be a good thing & off we were…. almost.  Then I brought up the chandelier & how I had dreamed of popping it up one day.   I’m sure he probably regreted the next statement, but there it was “I can put that up if you want. Its not hard.”  HA!  Not hard my ass.  It is when you have no clue what’s what.

Out came my crystal laden beauty!  After some adjusting for height, there it was – up and on!  The dream was one little step closer to being reality.  We talked of moving stuff around & replacing this or that.  But mostly all I could do was stare in wonder at the light, finally where it should be lighting up my room.  It already felt/feels cozier & more me.

Maybe the dreams aren’t totally dead just yet.  Sometimes I guess it takes a few steps back & letting go to move forward.  Then again a great side kick certainly helps too.

Tomorrow I attempt to tackle the summer clothes purge – 100 things gone (yes I have more than enough clothes to wear! Sadly I may be a clothes hoarder).  We dropped off one bag at the Goodwill today with 26 things no longer needed.  Tomorrow going for at least another 75!  We shall see.

Also looking forward to registering for classes in the morning & figuring out what the next few months are going to look like.  Hopefully I can get into the classes I need & maybe even have some time left over to get a part time job & bring in money to assist in taking a few more steps to home improvement.  We shall see.  But tonight I am going to be snoozing under my very own chandelier – feeling pretty proud, pretty loved & just plain pretty.

Stepping Out

Feels like the moments in life lately just keep zooming by.

“I kept looking for happiness, and then I realized, this is it. It’s a moment, and it comes, and it goes, and it’ll come back again.” – Nicole Kidman

Had a few ideas over the weekend that give me hope and although life may not be what I expected, why not make it what I can? But those will have to wait for now.

Surprisingly I got in some IKEA time this weekend!  Even with the parents in tow.  Mom got a new wheelchair, which means she can do more without worrying about wearing herself out & not being able to get around as much.  Just what I needed – time dreaming in IKEA without the guilt of not spending time with them!

oh to come home to relax here

Feel in love with a few looks, but only one came home with me.

YES the night stand.  Which of course being IKEA needs to be put together.  Perhaps tomorrow.  Baby step towards the room I want but steps.  Ideas are blooming & hopefully one day I will walk in the garden I dream of.  Until then I have hope.

My One Night Stand

Dream mode again.

Another long day at work followed by wishing.  Spent a little while browsing houses online & wondering why on earth some people are allowed to use wall paper.  Some of its is just so wrong.

Still I have white walls.  No room to toss the stones here.  At least they attempted to make the statement with more than just a few things nailed to the walls.

Feeling stuck again.  Now that I am more secure job wise (can’t believe its been a year since I left my old job!) I feel like I should be working toward making more of a dream.  Still do I move? or do I redo?  Investing in one or the other.  Not both.  Focus.

Haven’t found the dream house (at a price that is reasonably in my limits) & haven’t found a dream bedroom (IKEA discontinued a couple of pieces in the other one I had in mind).  So for now dream.  Spread the wings & entertain all ideas.

this had a lavendar inside! too cute! love Home Goods.

Nightstand?

loving this look still.

can you imagine how much I would need to clean this?

maybe?

much better... or at least practical glam

or maybe I should just keep imagining & see where my dreams will lead.

keep the purchases small & easy to move if need be.

loving these! May need to go back & snag at least one.

Who knows what life has in store.

My date with Alice

Last night I found myself in a beautiful historic 1858 building in downtown Wilmington – Thalian Hall.  Its always a pleasure to venture within those walls.  I’ve sat on the ground floor, the second floor but til last night I hadn’t even heard of the galley.  I was thinking the 2nd floor was where I got my ticket, but when I got there the usher directed me to the elevator to go up another floor.  ANOTHER floor? I guess it had been a while since I had gone since I didn’t even know there was another floor!  So up I went.

The elevator opened up to a lobby filled with displays and props… storage.

Yup. Saving a few dollars got me a see in the rafters!

BUT I was assured by the usher that “dear Alice would rise” for the occasion. Huh?

Meet Alice

I was completely enchanted by Alice, the chandelier! So pretty.  The details are lost in these cellphone pictures, but I had to get a few shots.  Plus how have I never noticed her before?

Simply divine.  I can only imagine what shows Alice has seen through the years.  If those crystals could talk! Well then it would be a nightmare unless they all waiting their turn to speak, there were a million of them dangling.

room to stretch out

For a while I thought it was just going to be Alice & I in those cheap seats…. but a few others rolled in at the last few moments before the show started.

While the experience was great, I think next time if I really care about focusing on the stage & not the theater and all its details, I may need to pay for a lower seat.  Although it was interesting to feel like I was floating above it all.  Hovering in air above, with Alice.

...who rose as promised

Spending the evening with Alice, makes me long for my own chandelier evenings.  Wishing I had more going in the way of redecorating around here & getting up my own chandelier, without a name, who waits patiently in her box for her time to shine.

 

Ready? Aim. Update!

A while back I set a few targets to aim at.

In the spirit of the Spring Equinox, time to check back in.

Health

According to my psychiatrist, I am doing great mentally!

Physically, well I just keep putting off getting in shape.  How very American of me.  Call it my way of showing patriotism.

I did get health insurance, I think since they deducted the amount in my account to cover the payment, so I will be planning a check up and my annual girly visit soon.  Also am hoping will be giving the treadmill a workout more often this spring.

Money

Certainly not where I was.

Can’t say this is improved, but I am hopeful.

My uncle’s car has sold.  I continue to be able to pay my bills, but the extra money is tight to non-existent at the moment.  Still I don’t feel like I am to the point of selling off body parts to maintain my hobby of eating regularly.

Relationships

Cupid you seriously can be so stupid.

For whatever reason one person continues to stay on the outskirts of my life.  Still unsure why we keep each other at that distance.  Is it we know we would never work out or the deep fear that we would? Who knows.

Still I continue to date.  Met a few guys over the past couple of months, but no one that has gotten past a quick kiss goodnight or friendship status.

Still gaining in closeness with my family & REALLY grateful that we are all able to spend more time together.

Spirituality

The low hum has revved up to a loud chant at a full moon fire side ceremony!

So much more actively growing in this aspect.

Ask & the doors open.

I have connected with so many people that continue to enrich my studies, remind me of what is possible, available & beautiful in life.

Giving

The challenge at the moment is learning to give – without thinking in terms of money.  I am decluttering (365 Days, at least one item per day) but its hard to think of giving outside monetary gifts.

I almost started working at the Red Cross as a volunteer, but at the last moment it didn’t work out with my schedule.  I may still find a way to give some time there or just figure out a way to donate somewhere else.

This needs to be a better focus.

Hobbies

Still struggling to get back into cooking for fun & sewing/quilting, but other than a few moments I just don’t seem to hear the muse when the space & time are there to work.  Same can be said for the pendants. Thankfully I got one to my sister, but haven’t finished many more.  Harder to come up with the design inside the pendant & what to do with the completed ones.

Photography I have decided will always be a hobby & never a career.  I devoted time to the local camera group & adore a few friends I have made through there, but unfortunately I don’t enjoy the events anymore.  Being “in charge” of organizing has taken the fun.  Other participants expect more than just showing up & having fun like we used to.  As the club grows in size, new members seem to want a host for the event & find some strange joy in complaining about various things that happen to go wrong.  I’m over listening to people unload their stresses.   Giving it a bit of time and hoping I can renew my enthusiasm soon.  Til then I am LOVING capturing the sights of life & have my own photo challenge to keep me busy.

Home

So much of this renovation project has been put on hold.  Can’t really see the logic behind spending money on it while not working, yet when I do work, I don’t have time to work on the house.  Still working on clearing out the unneeded, but when it comes to projects…..

Also at a standstill.  Thought it would be great to get some flooring down in the bedroom.  Just a start.  Maybe even get the paint on the walls.  Wouldn’t be too expensive & I could do it while I had time.

My ideas would have been get the IKEA Tundra flooring in white.  I visited IKEA with my family & while I loved the look of it & ease of application, they argued that it looked cheap & wouldn’t last.  …well I am hoping to sell the house within the next decade & move, let the next people decide what floor they love & put it in.  This stuff is a floating floor so it wouldn’t be damaging the concrete flooring underneath.  Seems win win to me.

NOPE.  Just to me.

Everyone else is in love with the look of wood.  I am over it.  Its everywhere.  I want white.  NOT white washed, white.  Not birch or bamboo look, WHITE.  I’m out numbered, even though its my own house! Also they thing we should do the WHOLE HOUSE at one time! Suddenly my bedroom project is becoming a move everything out of the house & find another place to live for a while & let professionals do it for me project.  (Why?)

So tile instead of wood?  I like tile. Have wanted it for my living room for a while – slate in the various colors.  Still outnumbered.  They are open to tile possibly but not the tiles I wanted. Plus I don’t want the dark tiles in the bedroom! Its great for a larger room, but the smaller room needs a lighter look I think.  The suggestion of beige tiles through out was brought up.  Bleh-aysh… I really like beige about as much as having the underwire of my bra poke me all day.  I tolerate it, but would I want to sign up purposely for it? NO!  Tile can be beautiful but can I have something that doesn’t remind me of doctors exam rooms or school cafeterias?

My grandfather made a living laying tile.  If only I had learned the art from him.  I would give the world to have him right now.  He would know exactly what tile would work & probably help me have the two different looks in the two different rooms that are used for two very different reasons.

So… no go on the floors for now.  ….unless I just sneak & do it myself.  Which I may have to in order to avoid the blah of beige or the splinter in my eye of the wood look in a room I do not have any desire to have it in.

On a better note, I may have a bed by June.  A friend is moving & needs to get rid of a queen set so she doesn’t have to haul it from the Atlantic coast to the Pacific!  It will be used, but it will be bigger than this twin Baxter & I cram into nightly now.

Work

Still searching for the holy grail.

A paycheck doing something that I love doing.

Left the job.  No more steady paycheck.  Still open to what life is going to put in front of me to learn from now.

Wish me luck!

Unemployed Week Two & Three Check In

yah… that challenge I set for myself…. kinda hard to keep up with lately.

With visiting friends & family the last week & half has been a blur.

I really haven’t spent that much, or worked out that much.
I have had several interviews but nothing really wonderful.

So the plan.

1. Work out at least 4 times a week 30 minutes – nope.  this is getting old. I have the time.  I have a treadmill, shoes & everything I need.  I have GOT to get motivated & just start the habit back.
2. Keep waking up by 8:30 for at least 5 days – the alarm hasn’t even been near me much.
3. Apply for a minimum of 4 jobs every day – nope. being away from my computer has not encouraged getting this done! But I have had pretty good response from a few submissions of the resume & quite a few scams that have contacted me.  Getting better at spotting them at least.
4. Work on improving the house a minimum of 7 hours each week – does dreaming & planning count?
5. Each week either attend a educational course, complete a training online or do some sort of research in the library – I made it to a time management class last week & although I would love to count the IKEA excursion as a research trek, I won’t.  I do have something planned for this week that should pan out, so I’m giving this a green light.
6. List at least seven new things to sell each week (Etsy or other) – Week Two was a no go, but this week I have completed this & am thinking of having a yard sale or maybe look into ebay selling a few things.  May even make up for last week & the week before!
7. Read a minimum of 4 hours each week – this is getting easier & easier each week.  I still haven’t found myself getting lost for a whole day or night in a book, but I am loving it when I get started!  Going to need a new book soon.  Been reading the Carrie Diaries & also rereading what might be my favorite book ever – Who Ordered this Truckload of Dung by Ahajn Brahm.
8. Meditate daily – still not daily, but getting back into the swing of it.  Easier to do at my house.  I had a vision of me going off into the woods at my parents place & meditating amongst the trees.  Complete nature submersion.  Unfortunately the 2nd night I was there I heard a pack of coyotes going nuts just outside the fence…. that sound was enough to make me think twice.  They say I would be fine, but not to take Baxter.  ….I’m not convinced.
9. Live on $100 a week – who knows where I am with this one!! I haven’t been good about tracking expenses, but staying with my parents helped out big time.  They wouldn’t let me pay for anything other than a pack of cinnamon rolls at IKEA! Even bought me a tank of gas. So sweet.  Next week I will track this better.

I have a few ideas in store to fix some of the reds…. but all in all I am feeling great!

Had an appointment with my psychiatrist today.  Last night when I realized how much has happened since the last time I saw him, I got scared.  Would he think I was nuts? We talked before about how I felt trapped in life with so many things I was struggling to deal with that I couldn’t change.  Can’t change the past or some things in life. I mentioned that I was trying to figure out how to do a bedroom renovation.  He said it was a good distraction, but he would be worried if I was doing some major renovations right now.  What would he think of me quitting my job, chopping off my hair, etc.

Amazingly he mentioned how happy and alive I looked.  He thought it was great that I took control of an aspect that I could change & said the goals I had set were good ones.  I was doing everything he would suggest during this time.  I was being realistic & he was happy I was enjoying the time instead of stressing.  Even suggested that when I do get a job I put off the start date as long as I could to savor every moment I could.   HUH??? COOL!!! IS that a prescription??  ha ha  (Just teasing Mom & Dad, I am still very much looking for work!)

I mentioned that I was being restrictive and focusing instead of just letting loose & going on vacation, as much as I would love to just go travel.  His response…. “Why not?  Sounds like a perfect time to get away.”  Again, can you prescribe that & get insurance to cover it (when I get insurance!…applied to another company today.).

He did talk about there is a theory that so much of the mental problems we have are related to working so much & the work environment.  I know most of mine are from past experiences & how I deal with them (or don’t)… maybe even some chemical imbalance,  but I don’t think I can blame work completely.  I do feel much more free and able to be me.  Still its nice to have a car, lights, food, etc.  & since I’m not in the market to give up my independence to a sugar daddy, back to work I will go.  The real challenge is going to be hold out for something I will love (is there such a thing?) or find something to pay the bills that I can tolerate?

Time will tell.

Maybe tomorrow I will find the inspiration to start me in the right direction….

Muse for hire.  Anyone?  Great outlook on life, sarcastic attitude, reliable transportation & even a pug side kick thrown in at no extra charge….  anyone?  Bueller?