I’m not OK, I’m going 5K

Actually I am better than ok.  Wonderful weekend with a chance to see more of my favorite people than I ever could have if we planned it.  Love those moments that just happen.  Never realize how much you miss people til you are around them again & remember how incredible they are.

Thankfully I got in some time in the sand & was lucky enough to spot a few shooting stars to wish on.

Perfect weekend to end the summer.  As of Friday, it is back to classes.  Which meant getting the notebooks, files & textbooks.  Bring life back into focus.

So why not toss in another event?

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Need something to work towards.

Another chance to push my limits, physically and psychologically.  I expect this event will draw a huge crowd which means I get to face the fears.

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Every year I watch as one of my favorite Carolina Panthers enthusiastically encourages a group to participate in the Charlotte Susan G. Komen walk.  The event hits home since his own mother has battled breast cancer.  From her ability to overcome & his unending support, I find inspiration.  Wish my mom was around to help me  so much lately & there are so many times I wished her cancer was one as well known as breast cancer.  Maybe then doctors would know more or have had more of a chance.  Still so many women (& men) lose their fights that I in no way mean to insinuate that it is an easier war to wage – cancer is a bitch, no matter where it hits.

This year, I joined the team.

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Officially part of the Williams’ Warriors!

Will be doing the 5k this year instead of just being in awe & supporting from afar. So excited!  Looking forward to joining others for the Race for a Cure event October 5th, 2013 in uptown/downtown/center city whatever you want to call it Charlotte, NC!

Promise I won’t constantly bug people requesting money, but I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE any & all support.  For everyone who raises $100 via their site, they get this year’s tee shirt from the event & you KNOW I want it.  So chip in if you can.  Even a couple of quarters would make me smile…promise.  It all adds up.  Just like I keep reminding myself that each step gets me further along.

You can help me here.

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Outside of a dog a book is man’s best.

Since adding the 10 on 10 aspect to this blog, I have really started to look forward to the 10th of each month.  Its a chance to just give without a reason or giving myself grief about “can I afford to do this?”, “is there a better way to spend this cash”… nope.  Budgeted & its not my money – its to be shared.  More than that its a chance to support in efforts I care about or are inspired by.

This month I am certainly inspired.

Having just finished a book within a couple of days, I am officially bitten by the reading bug.  Started book number 3 of 2012 – still another non-fiction one that is slowly being read, but another fiction work has sucked me in.  I know reading on the treadmill isn’t going to win any races, but it certainly made that 30 minutes fly faster than ever!

I am so grateful for being able to read.

Its a gift that my parents gave to me early in life.  Teachers who knew that by learning to read, you give keys to life.  So many lessons and secrets that would never be discovered otherwise are found within the pages bound in each cover.  Knowledge, guidance, confirmation and reminders.  Even a space to get away from life..  all discovered in books.  The library was a place where we were very familiar, even before the days where my Dad retired from teaching to work there.  New books were always coming into our house.  So many nights spent together reading “just one more story” before we were tucked in & lights out.

evidently my sister was really excited to hear about the Baskin Robbins adventures

Historically, (WAY back when) I know it was something taught to boys, not girls – since it was more for business and government which was not for the fairer sex.  Now I am lucky enough to live in an era where barely anything is off limits for me as a girl.  I can explore the world equally.

“Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.”  ~Sir Richard Steele

Part of me still struggles with reading electronically, but it works.  It is easy & I guess eco-friendly.  But there is a magic beauty to be found in turning a page to find written words there for you to see.

So this month, I want to share the gift.

I want to help others to read.

There is nothing that will ever give me a glimpse into what the world is like for someone who is illiterate, but I know from work that there are adults locally who simply do not have the skill.  It breaks my heart & I have to wonder what life they have had to endure to reach adulthood without anyone being there who was able to connect in a way that they learned.

“Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life.” ~Mortimer J. Adler

So my gift this month is to the Cape Fear Literacy Council.

This group works hard to enable local residents to learn to read.  They work with those who are just learning to read and people who are learning to understand English.  They offer a place for everyone to grow in their learning.

What better gift to give right now?

Even when reality seems hard to face, a vacation from the day can be found in a book.

So thank you Mom & Dad.  You have enabled me to go further than you can imagine by taking the time to share with me this love of reading.  I know it probably wasn’t a quick or easy task, but I truly am grateful.

Sword Of Damocles & 29 Gifts again

Saturday…. I needed a saturday so badly this week.  One with no real agenda this morning.  No driving out of town or rushing off to do whatever.  Just some me time.

Ok I’m on call for work so can’t exactly be too tied up this morning but so far so good.  Just one wrong number and everyone showing up where they should when they should. 🙂  Life is good when things work out.

Might have woke up at 6 am anyway, but I can take waking up scratching mosquito bites on my feet that remind me of a great night over a crisis call anytime!  Besides I got to sleep another 4 hours afterwards.

That full moon lit mosquito invasion night actually got me thinking (…I know I do that often…)  but thinking of history & the goals we set in our lives.  I love a good philosophical discussion over a couple bottle of wine. Incredible how we sometimes find more about who we are in a discussion with a friend than we can find in hours of looking into a mirror.

At times I think a mind is a billion times sexier than the best of bodies.  Doesn’t hurt when it comes in the same package, but that’s a side thought.

Looking back at my love life history, it does show a pattern.  I date guys I am attracted to.  Some work out for a while but nothing serious.  No real zing.  The ones that were the “great” relationships with meaning – no matter the ending – have something in common.  The mental ability to challenge.

Dorm room duo

The first we grew a lot in college together and fought the world side by side learning how to get by.  Only when we started in different directions that the issues became insurmountable.  Still wish him nothing but the best & although we are two entirely different people now, I am grateful for the shared experience and all that I learned.

Opposites Attract then Repel

The second biggie also challenged my thoughts.  Looking back I wonder how we ever even opened up enough to be a couple.  We were in so many ways polar opposites living parallel lives.  Still I liked the insight.   We consistently challenged and brought in new ideas.  When it came down to it, it didn’t end well but it was what it was.  I gained a bigger sense of self.  I now know when it comes to it, I am willing to stand up for my own beliefs rather than surrender them.

So onward.    …& why haven’t I seen the connections before?

And better question: How to I look for that mental Zing that won’t fade away.  I want to be challenged yet how long can we possibly expect that to last?  The common outlook seems to bore me yet is that what is sustainable?  Or will there be one who will be able to share the passion of learning and thinking yet able to find common ground on those most important decisions in life?

I’m looking for Vin Diesel body & voice when I should be searching for a modern day Plato.

Or who knows.  Maybe I am destined to live my life on my own two feet in a constant state of inquiry.  Finding new ways to challenge my own thoughts while sharing a few moments with the creatures Dr Frankenfurter brings to life…

Oh Rocky!

“Judge no one happy until his life is over”

Here is hoping that I still have much more time before that Sword of Damocles dangles over my own head.

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ALSO:  Decided it was high time that I did the 29 Gifts Challenge again!

Day one down yesterday.  Share something with a friend.  While I’m going to be doing the 29 Gifts challenge again & going to be accountable by checking in, I’m not sure that I will list each gift.

I want to inspire positive action and giving not promote my own.

…although I still say even Budda valued himself enough to see the worth in his own story.  We should all be proud enough of who we are to honor it & find joy in our paths to bliss.

Join me?

Back in Forgotten Shoes

So first day done!

They say the first day is the hardest, but who knows.  Today was not bad at all.  So far its great!  Met the owners and several co-workers.  Personally its a lot to learn, but being able to say “I’m new, let me get someone who can answer that” helps.  Team work is everything.  So far its a great team.

Hardest part is I woke up WAAAY too early! My alarm got set for 7 am when I mistakenly thought I needed to be there at 8 am.  I woke up at 6:30 am for who knows what reason.  I didn’t have to go into work til 8:30!  Its Friday that I go into my old job at 8! I realized it before I got to the new job, so I wasn’t the eager beaver ready to roll extra early, but now I’m exhausted.

LOVE LOVE LOVE being back in the human resources side of life.  Its so interesting to me how people present themselves.  I looked at a lot of resumes today & the diversity is to each end of the spectrum.

One piece of advice to anyone searching for a job: Let a trusted friend or someone else other than yourself look over your resume BEFORE you send it to anyone!  Mistakes are all over.  Misspelled words, grammar errors, even missing contact information can mean someone else gets that job you want.  Get the second set of honest eyes.

I’m finding myself wanting to coach people.  Email them & give suggestions… I’m not.  I’m sure the more I see the less I will care, but right now being fresh from the job hunt, I want to help everyone.

So I’m back to being a working gal!  In some cute, comfy shoes.  Like some skills, I found some I forgot I had.  THIS MORNING, I was getting ready & looked in the back of the closet for who knows what & discovered a pair of shoes that I bought, maybe wore once & they were never seen again, until now!  Love these.

Once Upon A Time….

….there was a little girl who read stories of perfect worlds, with perfect people and perfect lives.  She listened to tales of true love and happily ever afters.  She watched movies where the characters would do anything to bring about the happy endings.  She grew up.

Along the way she realized a few things.  The princes had flaws.  The princesses underestimated themselves and down played their powers and talents to attract those princes and make them feel needed.  What guy can resist the damsel in distress?  The women in the stories who did end up speaking up for what they wanted were often shunned & rejected.  Those who lived up to their truest potentials and didn’t rely on anyone else even were sometimes called a witch.  Even if all they really were casting were shadows.

She found a tale that resonated with her.  One of a girl, who defied the standards of princesses.  the girl even dared to wear pants instead of dresses.  The girl made friends along the way as she fought to get to the castle to rescue her brother.  Yes she fought.  Yes she was the rescuer not the rescuee.  She passed on the offers & temptations of the perfect life in the perfectly floating bubble with the magical prince.  The girl made friends unlike herself along the way. She stayed true to herself & knew that power lied within.  No one had power over her without her permission.  She couldn’t control others’ actions, but she did control her reactions.

Empowered with a sense of a new breed of princess, she lived life on her own terms.  She went through life making choices based on her own heart & her own goals instead of trying to fit into the molds laid out before her of what “should be”.  She held on to her dreams.

But alas some days it felt that she was trapped in her own castle.  Sometimes she even wished to be rescued by some handsome prince.  She played with her animal friends & reminder herself how lucky she was to not be tied down to the standards. Lived in the moments & followed her bliss.

Still part of her longed to meet her match.  The one person in the world who would see her for her true self & love her for it.  The one being that would accept her and not try to change her.  The one man who would stand beside her in a fight rather than try to hide her away & suppress her abilities.  One who by connecting with, would be lifted up as much as she in their meeting.

After many encounters with princes (& paupers who acting in no way princely), she began to wonder what it all was really worth?

But deep down, the little princess that still lived alive & well within reminded her that without hope, nothing was possible & that only by keeping dreams alive would they ever come true.

So will there be a happily ever after?

ABSOLUTELY.

the real question is will there be a prince? that is still to be determined.

One thing was for sure.  The princess came from a long line of lucky ladies who managed to find the one true loves that were determined to be by their sides til the end come what may.  This thought alone gave her the most hope in the darkest days. That & she was empowered with a beautiful gift.  She had been taught along the way by these couples that no matter what happens she was worth waiting for.  She was blessed beyond settling for anything less than perfect (& that she would be the one to see it as perfect, complete with all its flaws).  Self love would get her everywhere.

…..& for that she was eternally grateful & knew she would eternally be loved.

Starting new

After a LOT of sleep, I woke to my first day no longer working at that job feeling pretty good.  It was almost as the air was lighter around me.  I got up & had a load of laundry going, dishes washing, all animals fed & was checking emails with a cup of coffee in my hand by nine am!

Baxter however decided to stay longer in bed & sleep a lot later than I did

Since yesterday’s tarot episode was so dead on I decided to try to see…. My question was “What will today bring?” or something along those lines as I shuffled the cards.  When it felt right, I pulled one card.

The Hanged Man!  Which seems perfect.  I am surrendering all & I am in transition.  A very in between day.  A time to just rest, relax & realize things are going to change so its best to just enjoy this time for what it is.  (more on that card below)

finally get to eat a REAL lunch on a weekday! At a favorite spot - Chris' Cosmic Kitchen

Treated myself to a lunch out & felt like I was skipping work!  I’m sure soon it will feel like I am needing something to do, but today just feels like I am on vacation.

Then it was off to the home repair store to right a few things that have been on my nerves.  Few holes patched (one biggie) and got the stuff I need to repair a leaky toilet.  Seemed like a great symbolism for the day.  Patching the tiny holes & stopping the drain.

The other thing I brought home was a spur of the moment purchase.  I know I should have stuck to the needed items like the dry dex, light bulbs, air filters, toilet flapper & such, but I saw the plants & I had to.

I got my cute rosemary.

thinking some sage my come to keep her company soon

While I was recovering from my 2nd surgery, my sister was sweet enough to take care of not only me but some house work.  She tackled some weeds that were thriving out back.  Along the way she also mistook my beloved rosemary bush that had been around for quite a while.  I was crushed, but her intentions were good & she honestly thought it was a weed I didn’t want.

To me rosemary can be used to protect against negativity & to draw love.  The perfect plant for a home.  Maybe she did a good thing in removing the old plant & allowing a chance to bring in a new plant.

So with the breeze and the sun, I got out & planted my rosemary back where the other one was.

Baxter decided to be the supervisor over seeing the project from a safe distance!

I think Baxter is still confused & the parrots certainly are enjoying getting extra out of cage time with me being home today!

Baxter still keeps walking over to his “work bed” & looking at it with an odd look.  Almost like he is thinking “Why is this thing here?”.  The confusion he had riding home in it yesterday was one of the hardest parts for me.

Baxter on the ride home yesterday - in his work bed

Still this is a good change.  We are going to grow from this & life is going to put us where we should be.  For now, its just to take a breath, catch up on a few loose ends & maybe take a walk in the sunshine!

 

The Hanged Man, is a card about suspension, not life or death. This is a time of trial or meditation, selflessness, sacrifice, prophecy. The Querent stops resisting; instead he makes himself vulnerable, sacrifices his position or opposition, and in doing so, gains illumination. Answers that eluded him become clear, solutions to problems are found. He sees the world differently, has almost mystical insights. This card can also imply a time when everything just stands still, a time of rest and reflection before moving on. Things will continue on in a moment, but for now, they float, timeless.

This card signifies a time of insight so deep that, for a moment, nothing but that insight exists. All Tarot readers have such moments when we see, with absolute clarity, the whole picture, the entire message offered by a spread. The Hanged Man symbolizes such moments of suspension between physical and mystical worlds. Such moments don’t last, and they usually require some kind of sacrifice. Sacrifice of a belief or perspective, a wish, dream, hope, money, time or even selfhood. In order to gain, you must give. Sometimes you need to sacrifice cherished positions, open yourself to other truths, other perspectives in order to find solutions, in order to bring about change. One thing is certain, whether the insight is great or small, spiritual or mundane, once you have been the Hanged Man you never see things quite the same.

Stormy Winds of Change

Whatever the reason today has been a whirl wind.

Complete with a storm rolling in that has wind gust wild enough to make one imagine there is a chance of seeing munchkins and a few golden bricks by the end of it all.

I HAD to go enjoy a few moments of feeling the power of it all.  Just seemed a fitting way to wind down from today.  Nature is incredibly enchanting in times like these.  Pure invisible force pushing all around you, whipping things not normally taken to flight!  Its not every day you can just stand still and let the gust tangle your hair & sway you around.  A bit like its all taking you over and swirling off the old to sprinkle in the new.

Emotions blew all over the place today.  Work went from a tad sentimental, to thrilled to be over and done with one attitude, to protective of the friends I’ve made, to scared the choice I made was too rash, to knowing what I have to do is follow my heart.  Moments I never wanted to leave the place that allows me to have Baxter there by my side everyday & with people who trust me even in my final days there.  Course then there was the being accused of not doing my job when clearly it was the set up by not giving me the paperwork I had asked for repeatedly.  I even felt a bit sad in the realization that in those “lil snafus” that person finds validity in his position.  It happens more when the boss is favorable.  Like he wants to make sure the boss is all his.  Oh well.  I am grateful not to have to continue to face those challenges and that the only insecurities will be my own for a little while.

Learning more & more about someone I am getting closer and closer too & still scared to death to open up too much of my life.

So it was time for one of my favorite activities….

RETAIL THERAPY!

Even if I didn’t have the cash.  (which for the record I only spent $11.08 today!)

Pottery Barn was the highlight of the excursion.  So much potential there of what could be.  Also loved overhearing a couple of employees talking about interior design theories.  I really wanted to jump in & say “so tell me how long do I have to see Lucite chairs before they go back out of style?” but I just silently listened & dreamed over the mirrors and rugs and all the other stuff tempting me to just move right into the store.   Thankfully my dream bed wasn’t there, otherwise I doubt I would have left!

might be called the Amelie, but I think it should be the ALI

Oh to be crawling into a queen size version that with my jersey sheets & purple down comforter…

I lurved this mirror too.

It has lil stars nestled into the center spots where the lines meet.  Cute huh?

& giggled when I saw these.  Thought they were for some dollhouse somewhere, but they are actually salt & pepper servers!

See…

adorable!  Not quite my style but the tiny size just added such a element of whimsy I couldn’t resist taking a moment to dream about them!

Now I’m home, relaxing listening to all the wind, rain & thunder.  Feeling pretty lucky to live here & get to listen to storms like this.  Nothing like knowing tomorrow all the dirt & crud will be washes away & life will be like new.  Fresh starts all over.

Bonus, I saw this online…

adoring this light! WAY too large for my space, but reminds me of the full moon.  Can you imagine dining in a room with the full moon hanging to light the way? Bliss.

I do have to wonder about that big chair? Was it needed for an extra guest? or is there someone with a massive ego that MUST have a special comfy chair for his? Seems odd to me.  So many stories could be played out in this scene, but for me the light steals the whole thing.

So on to snuggle with a certain lil pug & wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Whatever it may be, its going to be what’s best.  I have faith in things are all happening as they should be.