Sandy Butts Everywhere

Busy day today wrapping up a few things in getting ready for my return to classes.  Still feels funny to say that & makes me slightly giddy!  I know I’m a bit of a geek & will be kicking myself for doing this later when I am struggling to study or complete homework, but for now I’m just happy!  The closer it gets to the first class the more I realize needs to be done.

  • classes paid for: check
  • parking pass: check
  • ID & libray card: check
  • books: check (& saved around $70 getting them online since the store is closed til Monday, even WITH shipping)
  • get new insurance: working on that one.  I HATE figuring out which medical insurance plan to go with.
  • all the other crap “needed” to attend school:  ……yeah…. working on getting all that stuff.  So much could be helpful, but thinking old school – pens, paper.. with a dash of new school – memory stick.  Who knows.

Already I am feeling like the nontraditional student.  The faces on campus today certainly looked younger than me.  Learned that you can now rent textbooks instead of buying them and they now make erasable highlighters!  Guess things have changed a little since I was carrying around the books.

Part of me just wants to start already but another side says cherish these free moments.  Soon I will be nose deep in books and working again on the side.  Make memories while I can and live each second.

Which is why I am spending as much time as possible with this view

is there anything better than can be done in life alone that makes you feel better than relaxing on the sand with the sound of waves rushing on to the shore?  Thankfully most of the time its still not crowded and the sound of the waves is all I hear other than the occasional engine of the lifeguard’s truck or today the sound of a couple of Ospreys passing by on route back to base.  (I think those guys intentionally take the coastal path to scope the beach & who could blame them!)

I honestly think without the ocean, I would be insane.  It has a therapeutic magic that is unlike anything else.  At least for me.

With today being the 10th I thought it fitting to give some love back to the beach.  To protect the piece of peace in my world.  Plus I’m inspired by someone who is locally doing great things!

Amazes me at how many cigarette butts are left behind.  Even when I did smoke, we never left the butts in the sand.  You picked it up & took it with you.  Obviously not everyone acts the same.

Thankfully there are people who are working hard to keep our beaches & ocean from being polluted with the trash left behind.  Read a tweet today that at Wrightsville Beach, It Starts With Me blogger picked up NINE butts in about a second!  Completely unacceptable.  Currently there is a push to ban smoking on our local beaches.  I understand that many would be upset by this, but when you aren’t respecting the beaches, I’m not sure you deserve to be smoking there.

Unfortunately this isn’t just a problem here.  People are trashing our beaches everywhere.  Check out a west coast view of the issue at The Daily Ocean blog.

Clearly if you see what they can do in just a few moments a day, you have to feel inspired to clean up after yourself when you visit!

There is only one type of butt that should be on our beach! – mine relaxing without seeing a piece of trash or smelling anything but salt water.

Hoping through the efforts she & her family are committed to, others gain a better understanding of the impact of such a seemingly small thing.   May her actions inspire others to join in the process.  I know it has me thinking more about what is in the sand.  Perhaps next time I go out, I will take my own bag to collect trash and those pesky cigarette butts.

Maybe even take it a step further and join the local chapter of Surfrider Foundation.  Certainly feeling like giving some love to the waters that make me feel so alive and ground me into feeling that in the middle of all that stresses me, I am there in that moment and I am as I should be.

Certain sounds just soothe.  My grandmothers giggles & yes she could get them often.  She would get tickled over the most random things and then everything would be silly.  It over took her and she would be helpless to the laughter.  Deep laughing to the point where the tears come to your eyes and you can barely speak.  Skip that days ab work out because you are going to be feeling them.  How anyone could possibly not join it was beyond me.  You wouldn’t have a clue what started it, but it felt right to join in.

The ocean is similar.  It mellows.  Takes me to a place inside that still believes in happy endings, love and connections stronger than death.  Comforts me in a way that feel esoteric.   Heavenly.  As if you have found the place where you venture into the outskirts of the after.  You feel peace and forget worries since only your soul will live on.  As long as you have a pure soul and can deal with your choices, you can find peace for a while.  As if laying on that warm sand, feeling the sun’s rays, the body just slips slightly out of line with the spirit.  Like the many kites flown on the beach, our spirits seem to feel safe enough to float & expand beyond our limits.  How many great ideas have been discovered on those sands?  How many troubles have been reevaluated only to see they really weren’t such a big deal to begin with once you remove the passion of the moment.  Its just a magic that is beyond comprehension.  Primal tie to our soul.

Even typing about it has slowed me down and made me think its time to sleep.  Baxter has been snoring away by my side for a while and the birds have long gone “night night”.  We will have to see who is going to be waking who tomorrow.  For a change it may actually end up being one of them!

One night I will sleep on the beach.

I can only imagine the peaceful night that would be.

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May Day, May Day

What a day.

Life is good when you can start your day with this view…

There was NO ONE on the beach! I loved it. Felt like my own private island get away.  Originally I paid for an hour.  Once I planted my butt in the sand, I didn’t want to leave.  Tried to get more time on the parking meter – not that anyone was waiting on an open space – but I couldn’t get the process to work without knowing my plate number on my car.  So I took it as a sign that my alabaster skin probably didn’t need to get any more sun for the day.  While I will take a tan, a burn is not anything I need.  Although there is NOTHING like the way your skin feels after a lay in the sand.

Especially since I had pole practice tonight.  Last one in a while.  Need to figure out my schedule & finances before I can commit to anymore.  I am REALLY going to miss it.  My arms, legs, abs & entire body feel so much stronger.  Lifting myself up is so emplowering.  Amazing what your body can do once you try!   Plus I completely had to giggle at the modern version of the Beltane May Pole!  May not be braiding ropes or ribbons, but I certainly circled it around enough times & twisted my body up to where it felt knotted!  I will skip the other jokes about celebrating fertility!

So now I’m exhausted & bruised, but thankfully not burned.  Ending the day with a big fat smile on my face & hope in my heart.

No word on classes or a job yet, but soon.  Enjoying the moments as I wait.  One of the best realizations I have ever had is that some emotions, although valid, are useless.  Stressing out & worrying without action is just wasted energy.   So for now I wait & trust that it will work out as it should.  No reason not to enjoy the ride & keep my eyes open for the lessons to learn.

As for the latest challenge:

  • Work out at least 4 times a week 30 minutes – so far I have knocked out 2 hour long classes that worked me out! Tonight more so than last night, but I can feel my body getting stronger.  I am already hating that I won’t be going back to pole class next week.
  • Keep waking up by 9:00 am for at least 5 days per week – no alarm needed but I have been getting up before 9 am each day!  Yesterday I only beat it by about 10 minutes, but still counts.
  • STUDY!  No sense waiting for classes to begin learning.  Time is now.  Learn vocabulary, concepts, forms etc. – biggest thing I haved learned is that there is so much to learn & I want to know it all! Reading in a couple of books & working on some vocab (yes, I’m a geek!)
  • Improve typing speed – now that I am back on a laptop YES MY NEW ONE ARRIVED!!! I am better able to get to practicing.
  • Live on $100 a week – hard, but being home has helped. Also working the catering job helps. Great food to nosh on still this is going to take some work.  The temptations are there, the emails with the “savings” make me really want to go get shorts, a bathing suit, etc. to go from cold to hot weather.  Still I remind myself that if I spend $50 more than I planned but save $100, its still spending an extra $50 over budget!  They are only savings if it is a purchase that is needed.  So holding on the bathing suit & shorts… for now at least.

So thankful for all the great things I am able to experience right now.  Being able to workout in a way that pushes my  body beyond where it has been lately, walking on the beach at sunset and spending mornings laying in the sand, time with the parrots, snuggling with Baxter, new laptops (thank you financing plans) and all the potential that awaits in the future.  So many blessings in my world right now.  Simply ripe for the next phase to begin, but until then I am enjoying being right where I am.  Making memories worth remembering.

Enjoying MY life.

I’m Sofa King Ready

So the interview today was FANTASTIC! ….why is it always the ones you don’t expect that end up being the best?  I nearly didn’t go.  I got the worst headache & nearly just skipped it but I threw on some clothes & went anyway.  No big primp or fuss, just black pants, a button up shirt & a quick brush through the hair.  Honestly the job listing didn’t have me jumping.  Sounded a but too close to the scam ones.  BUT after I arrive, I got intrigued.  For starters the office didn’t have the office feel. More home like but professional.  The 3 people I met were incredible! I was already loving them & thinking – I want this, when it turns out one of my best friends is the brother of one of the people interviewing! Too funny.

Not positive I will get the position, but it felt great.  Like a few friends getting together to talk about work.  Comfortable.  My fingers are crossed.  What’s best will be.

Has to be a good sign that I saw Herbie the Love Bug on the way to the interview right? how bizarre!

how Earth Day fitting! & a good reminder to me.

Afterward I decided to check out a few places & ended up in Home Goods. Which is where I saw the sign above.  Also feel for a few more pieces, but didn’t need them so just the pictures for now at least.  Might have to add one of the bird feeders if I do land a job this week as a celebration!

fancy duster anyone?
love this bird feeder

BUT the really good find was this…

BIG funky tablecloths!

for a cheap price!

So I got 4 for a project I had hoped to do for a while now.

See a few years ago I got a sofa for free.  I LOVE FREE!  But frankly it wasn’t my color, so I tossed on a sheet to “MAKE IT WORK”.  Which was ok since with the birds & everything else it ended up easy to clean.

trust, I know those purples don’t go together….

But it has seen better days!  I have picked out a few I would like to replace it with but I would rather spend the money on the bedroom… plus I need to get the cash flowing positive again before I spend any real cash so have to make do.

I had toyed with the idea of recovering the cushions in the mean time since it was a cheaper option, but I had hoped to find some great fabric & spend a weekend using my sister’s industrial strength sewing machine since mine is  meant for more cotton than heavy duty decorator fabric.

These past couple of weeks have taken their tole on the couch.  Channel surfing will do that I guess. The rips started & that was the last straw for me. TIME FOR CHANGE.

UUUUGLIEST couch to still exist outside a dorm room

So I was thrilled to find the tablecloths.  Why not try something fun & spring like for a temporary fix?

Baxter was really confused why I was screwing up the comfy spot to cuddle

I live solo, so why not enjoy the moment by doing something girly. Go with the pink flowers for a season.  So I covered the cushions with the tablecloths. The fabric is soft but also water resistant….AKA easy to clean bird poop off which is a HUGE push in my house.

cute huh? works much better with those pillows

Gotta admit I am loving it.

& yes STILL working on the chandelier.  I believe I have burned off enough layers of skin to pay for it.  Also next up replace that wall hanging! But that is a whole ‘nother day!

What a piece of Capiz.

So in scanning the DIY projects in other blogs, there was one recently that made me think – I can do that & I want to do that!

Capiz shell chandeliers are LURVELY & a bit out of my budget – especially at the moment.

 

this one runs $1,375 at Cielo Home

Could be very pretty for the bedroom until I can get my real one up & hooked up.

But a faux one seemed easy to make & exactly in my budget!  I got the circle cutter discounted ($12).  Two boxes of waxed paper (a buck each – $2), substituted a hanging planter for the lampshade frame ($1 – thanks Dollar Store) & the string, beads & glue I had around the house.  So a total of $15 for a new bedroom lamp? I am willing to try!

Course it was after I spent around 2 hours making the fake capiz shells that I discovered I can purchase around 100 REAL ones for about $12.  Oh well live & learn.  I’m adding more personality to it by making them, right?

Being me I couldn’t just leave well enough alone.  I decided to add a bit more flair to it.  So at the end of the bottom row of shells dangling, I am adding a couple of tiny purple beads, a mirrored bead & a couple of pieces of amethyst!

Amethyst is thought to help people bring the divine into even the mundane parts of their life.  Helps to ground & reduce stress, even help with insomnia!

I have several pieces around the house – was told once that as long as you have amethyst in the room you will feel comfortable there.  Having some hanging in the lamp felt right.

We shall see how it all looks & comes together!  Fingers crossed – even if they are a tad sore from the hot glue.

Back to work…. but first a few images that inspire.

Another Bedroom Upstairs

My Office 1

Cute right? Plus a bonus for using the faux “shells” is that you don’t get the tinkling & clinking noises that you do with real shells.  Great for outside or in a spa, but could be annoying at night in the dark when the AC comes on!

Investing in the Future

Crystal balls, tarot cards, fortune cookies… all tons of fun yet why can’t they give me the real answers I seek? Like how much longer can I be living life like this before things change?

Valentine's Day Fortune Teller

Today I realized several things.

First my Costco membership expired. Should I spend the extra cash (as if I have such a thing at this point in life) & get the savings on bulk items. In reality the main thing I get there is gas since it ALWAYS seems to be the cheapest spot in town. Still $50 is a bit to spend on potentially saving on getting gas. So that has to wait a bit.

Then I realize my passport will expire within a couple of months. How often do I go out of the country? Hardly ever. But still, am I ready to close the door on the dreams? I know it takes a while to renew but it takes even longer to get a new one. Dare I let it lapse? and what does it say about where I want my life? I keep promising myself that I will take that vacation. Last year it never happened due to all my time being spent recovering from the surgeries. This year… maybe. Next year….hopefully.

Right after I graduated college I made a few changed in my life & had decided to move to London. That dream got put on hold after we discovered my mom had cancer. Just didn’t seem very reasonable to be a half a world away when the shit hits the fan. I did end up going to Europe (& LOVED London as much as I could have dreamed) but I stayed living here. Thought, I will need a big change in my life when my mom does go. I can wait. THANKFULLY she is still here & I haven’t been faced with that change yet. Is London life out of my life? Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t feel as drawn as I once was, but I still dream of my flat & being able to walk around the streets taking snapshots of the sites.
Have I really strayed so much from living my dreams that I can just let it all go? I know letting the passport expire doesn’t mean I won’t travel again and that I can always apply for another, but it feels like I am letting go. That instead of being ready to go at a moments notice, I will now be saying this is where I want to stay. That feels like giving up. I hate giving up.

Which brings me to the third piece of the puzzle…

My Profession in Human Resources Certification.

Its expiring this June.  The last job I had barely had any duties relating to HR, but the reason I got hired in part was that I had my PHR.  Now I’m looking at jobs and hardly any have real HR requirements, but part of me knows that those three letters after my name give me a boost.  I would love to end up in more of an HR centered position.  Truth is as exhausting as it can be in setting up & conducting interviews, that was my favorite part.  Finding someone to fill a role that would benefit the employer & the person.  There is a certain bliss in all the paperwork & ensuring that everyone on staff is paid what they earned & that the benefits are the best they can afford to have.  It felt like a way of helping and protecting.  There is a beauty in the details.

But now… do I pay for the training, the application for the test & then PRAY like a monk that I pass?  Do I spend money I don’t have in order to potentially have those 3 letters?  I still have the skills and experience, so I should still be great.  Nothing is stopping me from learning more on my own, but can I afford to recertify…. better yet, can I afford not to? In a way, it feels like part of me, even if its not really. I will still be me without it.  The problem is those who don’t know me, like potential employers, will never know it.

Hate money matters sometimes.  Especially when its not black & white.  I know I HAVE to pay my car payment. I have to buy food for the birds & Baxter.  But the little things…  how much to let go or at least to put on hold and how much do we cling to? and at what price?

Every choice has results and consequences.  So how do we choose which doors to open and which ones to shut?

Doors

Reinvention time again.

….but some dreams we have to keep chasing….

which is why tonight, I’m off to yet another 1st date.  So far not that thrilled, but I have to get back in the saddle right?  For whatever reason I just can’t let go of that dream.  I will meet someone wonderful.  Even if he isn’t wonderful forever.

Besides, I know the best way to predict the future is to create it!

Ready? Aim. Update!

A while back I set a few targets to aim at.

In the spirit of the Spring Equinox, time to check back in.

Health

According to my psychiatrist, I am doing great mentally!

Physically, well I just keep putting off getting in shape.  How very American of me.  Call it my way of showing patriotism.

I did get health insurance, I think since they deducted the amount in my account to cover the payment, so I will be planning a check up and my annual girly visit soon.  Also am hoping will be giving the treadmill a workout more often this spring.

Money

Certainly not where I was.

Can’t say this is improved, but I am hopeful.

My uncle’s car has sold.  I continue to be able to pay my bills, but the extra money is tight to non-existent at the moment.  Still I don’t feel like I am to the point of selling off body parts to maintain my hobby of eating regularly.

Relationships

Cupid you seriously can be so stupid.

For whatever reason one person continues to stay on the outskirts of my life.  Still unsure why we keep each other at that distance.  Is it we know we would never work out or the deep fear that we would? Who knows.

Still I continue to date.  Met a few guys over the past couple of months, but no one that has gotten past a quick kiss goodnight or friendship status.

Still gaining in closeness with my family & REALLY grateful that we are all able to spend more time together.

Spirituality

The low hum has revved up to a loud chant at a full moon fire side ceremony!

So much more actively growing in this aspect.

Ask & the doors open.

I have connected with so many people that continue to enrich my studies, remind me of what is possible, available & beautiful in life.

Giving

The challenge at the moment is learning to give – without thinking in terms of money.  I am decluttering (365 Days, at least one item per day) but its hard to think of giving outside monetary gifts.

I almost started working at the Red Cross as a volunteer, but at the last moment it didn’t work out with my schedule.  I may still find a way to give some time there or just figure out a way to donate somewhere else.

This needs to be a better focus.

Hobbies

Still struggling to get back into cooking for fun & sewing/quilting, but other than a few moments I just don’t seem to hear the muse when the space & time are there to work.  Same can be said for the pendants. Thankfully I got one to my sister, but haven’t finished many more.  Harder to come up with the design inside the pendant & what to do with the completed ones.

Photography I have decided will always be a hobby & never a career.  I devoted time to the local camera group & adore a few friends I have made through there, but unfortunately I don’t enjoy the events anymore.  Being “in charge” of organizing has taken the fun.  Other participants expect more than just showing up & having fun like we used to.  As the club grows in size, new members seem to want a host for the event & find some strange joy in complaining about various things that happen to go wrong.  I’m over listening to people unload their stresses.   Giving it a bit of time and hoping I can renew my enthusiasm soon.  Til then I am LOVING capturing the sights of life & have my own photo challenge to keep me busy.

Home

So much of this renovation project has been put on hold.  Can’t really see the logic behind spending money on it while not working, yet when I do work, I don’t have time to work on the house.  Still working on clearing out the unneeded, but when it comes to projects…..

Also at a standstill.  Thought it would be great to get some flooring down in the bedroom.  Just a start.  Maybe even get the paint on the walls.  Wouldn’t be too expensive & I could do it while I had time.

My ideas would have been get the IKEA Tundra flooring in white.  I visited IKEA with my family & while I loved the look of it & ease of application, they argued that it looked cheap & wouldn’t last.  …well I am hoping to sell the house within the next decade & move, let the next people decide what floor they love & put it in.  This stuff is a floating floor so it wouldn’t be damaging the concrete flooring underneath.  Seems win win to me.

NOPE.  Just to me.

Everyone else is in love with the look of wood.  I am over it.  Its everywhere.  I want white.  NOT white washed, white.  Not birch or bamboo look, WHITE.  I’m out numbered, even though its my own house! Also they thing we should do the WHOLE HOUSE at one time! Suddenly my bedroom project is becoming a move everything out of the house & find another place to live for a while & let professionals do it for me project.  (Why?)

So tile instead of wood?  I like tile. Have wanted it for my living room for a while – slate in the various colors.  Still outnumbered.  They are open to tile possibly but not the tiles I wanted. Plus I don’t want the dark tiles in the bedroom! Its great for a larger room, but the smaller room needs a lighter look I think.  The suggestion of beige tiles through out was brought up.  Bleh-aysh… I really like beige about as much as having the underwire of my bra poke me all day.  I tolerate it, but would I want to sign up purposely for it? NO!  Tile can be beautiful but can I have something that doesn’t remind me of doctors exam rooms or school cafeterias?

My grandfather made a living laying tile.  If only I had learned the art from him.  I would give the world to have him right now.  He would know exactly what tile would work & probably help me have the two different looks in the two different rooms that are used for two very different reasons.

So… no go on the floors for now.  ….unless I just sneak & do it myself.  Which I may have to in order to avoid the blah of beige or the splinter in my eye of the wood look in a room I do not have any desire to have it in.

On a better note, I may have a bed by June.  A friend is moving & needs to get rid of a queen set so she doesn’t have to haul it from the Atlantic coast to the Pacific!  It will be used, but it will be bigger than this twin Baxter & I cram into nightly now.

Work

Still searching for the holy grail.

A paycheck doing something that I love doing.

Left the job.  No more steady paycheck.  Still open to what life is going to put in front of me to learn from now.

Wish me luck!

Unemployed Week Two & Three Check In

yah… that challenge I set for myself…. kinda hard to keep up with lately.

With visiting friends & family the last week & half has been a blur.

I really haven’t spent that much, or worked out that much.
I have had several interviews but nothing really wonderful.

So the plan.

1. Work out at least 4 times a week 30 minutes – nope.  this is getting old. I have the time.  I have a treadmill, shoes & everything I need.  I have GOT to get motivated & just start the habit back.
2. Keep waking up by 8:30 for at least 5 days – the alarm hasn’t even been near me much.
3. Apply for a minimum of 4 jobs every day – nope. being away from my computer has not encouraged getting this done! But I have had pretty good response from a few submissions of the resume & quite a few scams that have contacted me.  Getting better at spotting them at least.
4. Work on improving the house a minimum of 7 hours each week – does dreaming & planning count?
5. Each week either attend a educational course, complete a training online or do some sort of research in the library – I made it to a time management class last week & although I would love to count the IKEA excursion as a research trek, I won’t.  I do have something planned for this week that should pan out, so I’m giving this a green light.
6. List at least seven new things to sell each week (Etsy or other) – Week Two was a no go, but this week I have completed this & am thinking of having a yard sale or maybe look into ebay selling a few things.  May even make up for last week & the week before!
7. Read a minimum of 4 hours each week – this is getting easier & easier each week.  I still haven’t found myself getting lost for a whole day or night in a book, but I am loving it when I get started!  Going to need a new book soon.  Been reading the Carrie Diaries & also rereading what might be my favorite book ever – Who Ordered this Truckload of Dung by Ahajn Brahm.
8. Meditate daily – still not daily, but getting back into the swing of it.  Easier to do at my house.  I had a vision of me going off into the woods at my parents place & meditating amongst the trees.  Complete nature submersion.  Unfortunately the 2nd night I was there I heard a pack of coyotes going nuts just outside the fence…. that sound was enough to make me think twice.  They say I would be fine, but not to take Baxter.  ….I’m not convinced.
9. Live on $100 a week – who knows where I am with this one!! I haven’t been good about tracking expenses, but staying with my parents helped out big time.  They wouldn’t let me pay for anything other than a pack of cinnamon rolls at IKEA! Even bought me a tank of gas. So sweet.  Next week I will track this better.

I have a few ideas in store to fix some of the reds…. but all in all I am feeling great!

Had an appointment with my psychiatrist today.  Last night when I realized how much has happened since the last time I saw him, I got scared.  Would he think I was nuts? We talked before about how I felt trapped in life with so many things I was struggling to deal with that I couldn’t change.  Can’t change the past or some things in life. I mentioned that I was trying to figure out how to do a bedroom renovation.  He said it was a good distraction, but he would be worried if I was doing some major renovations right now.  What would he think of me quitting my job, chopping off my hair, etc.

Amazingly he mentioned how happy and alive I looked.  He thought it was great that I took control of an aspect that I could change & said the goals I had set were good ones.  I was doing everything he would suggest during this time.  I was being realistic & he was happy I was enjoying the time instead of stressing.  Even suggested that when I do get a job I put off the start date as long as I could to savor every moment I could.   HUH??? COOL!!! IS that a prescription??  ha ha  (Just teasing Mom & Dad, I am still very much looking for work!)

I mentioned that I was being restrictive and focusing instead of just letting loose & going on vacation, as much as I would love to just go travel.  His response…. “Why not?  Sounds like a perfect time to get away.”  Again, can you prescribe that & get insurance to cover it (when I get insurance!…applied to another company today.).

He did talk about there is a theory that so much of the mental problems we have are related to working so much & the work environment.  I know most of mine are from past experiences & how I deal with them (or don’t)… maybe even some chemical imbalance,  but I don’t think I can blame work completely.  I do feel much more free and able to be me.  Still its nice to have a car, lights, food, etc.  & since I’m not in the market to give up my independence to a sugar daddy, back to work I will go.  The real challenge is going to be hold out for something I will love (is there such a thing?) or find something to pay the bills that I can tolerate?

Time will tell.

Maybe tomorrow I will find the inspiration to start me in the right direction….

Muse for hire.  Anyone?  Great outlook on life, sarcastic attitude, reliable transportation & even a pug side kick thrown in at no extra charge….  anyone?  Bueller?