Life can easily be overwhelming.
All too often life shows us how quickly it could take a turn when we least expect it. Even more important to savor each moment and do the things that mean the most.
Spent the afternoon meditating by the ocean & for a little while last night sat and watched the waves roll in under the moonlight.
None of it makes any more since before, but I feel better.
Also delighted by a surprise in my mailbox.
My Sseko sandals arrived!
Super happy about these.
Today’s topic for 52 Lists was perfectly timed – Things I Find Relaxing
Should have added being snuggled up in comfy blankets and pillows with a snoring pug by my side. Sure is relaxing right now.
At the moment it is one of those things that I should be doing more of, would like to do, but for whatever excuse…er reason… I just haven’t.
This will soon change. I have a huge stack of cupcake wrappers sitting on my coffee table currently reminding me. My sister’s baby shower is in two weeks & I plan on making at least 50 cupcakes!
Seeing this week’s 52 Lists got me thinking about baking again. Life has been too busy to do much else other than think about it, but thinking is a step in the right direction.
Oops. Forgot it was Tuesday & time for the 52 Lists!
This week is Things That Make Me Feel Cosy.
Now off to snuggle the pug & try to feel cozy enough to sleep for the night.
I’m trying to get back to blogging. I promise. Life is just tough lately. Spending more time with family & extremely thankful for the chance. We lost Mom one month ago today, so this weekend has been emotional for us all. Hasn’t really helped that the weekdays & calendar dates have lined up the exact same this month as last. Still very surreal that I can’t just call her to talk about how Dad is handling things or how I wish I could get her advice on this or that. Guess it is just one of those things you learn to get used to even if you never really get it.
BUT. It is also Tuesday, so on to the lists!
I know there are a million other things I get in the habit of for breakfasts, but at the moment that is all I could come up with. We are going to head over to the grave site then to lunch. Dad goes daily still. I just don’t have much of a connection there. I feel her more here, at home. The pictures, the bed, her quilts… all those remind me of her so much more than the lump of land with flowers. Still we all deal differently & if it helps him, so be it. I can be side kick as many times as needed.
I get that. My attitude in life is to be true to yourself and just be you, even if it doesn’t fit the stereotype or have you keeping up with some Jones.
Still sometimes it feels good to know that you are pretty normal. Today I went to check in with the psychiatrist. Usually it is just a quick chat to make sure the meds are still doing what they are supposed to do & get a couple of refills. Of course this visit I had a tad more to talk about. Nearly broke down in the waiting room thinking about how to even start the conversation about losing my Mom & how hard it has been.
Was thankful to talk about it some and to hear that he didn’t feel the need to toss me in a loony bin or add more meds. Strange to think that as far as mourning goes, I got this. Even if sometimes I feel completely lost & clueless on how to deal. Looking into support groups. So far there doesn’t seem to be anything locally that works with my schedule til March 25th. I can deal.
One thing I have noticed is my appetite is kaput. Honestly I couldn’t care less about food right now. I’m still eating, but it is more out of routine than desire. The smoothies are good in the mornings (blueberries, peaches, apple juice & vanilla protein powder today). The rest of the day I could skip.
In an effort to get back to normal, whatever that is now…. here is my 52 Lists for this week. The prompt is “Great Things I Have Read Lately”. Honestly so far this year, I have only read one good book. The rest are for class or in response to dealing with grief or providing hospice care. Not exactly anything I would recommend to anyone, because it would mean you are dealing with a loss or soon to be loss. So stick with Winter Shock if you are going to read something off my list!
1. Recipe: I should. I will. Sooner or later.
2. Writing: meh. who knows. nothing really. I forgive myself. Better luck next month.
3. Ocean: last week I studied before class. Today it was stormy all day so I had to skip it. Hoping it clears up before I need to head back to Charlotte.
Lately a lot of my time has been spent thinking of food.
Planning meals, cooking meals, helping to feed meals. Clean up, shop & do it all again. Trying to keep things interesting yet healthy and within the preferences of the group. Working with what you have and staying within a budget can be a challenge at times. All part of life.
For a big part of my life, I avoided food. Many reasons some I still battle with, some are distant memories. Even learning to let go and eat for enjoyment and substance, I still wanted the perfect body. Guilt is a frequent mealtime companion, even if most bites shut it up. I don’t struggle like I used to but I still long for that perfect body.
Lately, my perfect body has changed. No longer do I wish I still fit into a size 6. Watching my mom’s body shrink away has given me a new appreciation for every bite I take and every stubborn pound I wear. Health matters more than being a vision in a photograph.
Thankfully I can eat pretty much what I want, when I want. I am physically able to walk to a fridge and open it whenever I like. Spoons aren’t too heavy for me to manipulate. A box of juice is easy to finish in one sitting. There is food in my pantry to choose from.
For these things I am very thankful.
On the way home from class, I stopped and had a chocolate milkshake in celebration of all that I am thankful for. Not a single guilty thought allowed. I could almost swear it tasted better that way.
So when I saw today’s list for the 52 Lists it made me laugh. 52 Snacks. Food. Again I am to think about food!
The world needs more good stuff.
Fluff, happy, fun stuff. Like lists…
This week’s category for the 52 Lists is Favorite Smells.
Which was a perfect escape. So many smells could make the list, but I had to stop. Started to get the urge to go give myself a headache at some candle store!
One of my favorite companies is Demeter & they have some interesting scents to say the least. I remember finding displays & smelling all the random ones that I would never wear but had a blast thinking about who would! Haven’t seen one in a while, but I can dream on their website. (& get my fix with a few old favs!)