To Tell the Tale…

They say time is a great story teller.

Its so hard to recognize the key players. Sure we know the main character and some of the supporting cast, family. But the rest? How to recognize the additions along the way?

Some arrive leave their marks and go about their own way. Some move in and out and teach us deeper understandings of life and ourselves. Others come and become side kicks along for the rest of the ride by our side.

Each of us has our own time lines and plots. Just so tough to figure out which is which.

Nothing is ever quite as its expected, no matter what powers we possess, there are always the curve balls life tosses our way. Disguises, smoke and mirrors or maybe they haven’t been able to revealed their true selves yet.

So while you may be listening for the growl of the engine coming to pick you up for the ride of your life, you just might hear the sound of the drum in the distance and wonder if you should venture into the uncharted territory to see what could be. Then again perhaps you just should stay on the coast and wait for rescue plane to whisk you away to another world. Either that or just start walking into the great wide open and keep the eyes open for who might be waiting a bit further off down the road.

Trick is knowing what choice to make without knowing the consequiences. You have to start writing your story…

That & reminding yourself that even if you hit the dead end, you are strong enough to pick yourself up and keep going. Unless you toss the rope into the sky, you will never be able to lasso your star & start the climb. Sitting there looking will never get you beyond the making wishes.

Still sometimes its just nice to escape into someone else’s tale.

Which is why I’m going to read tonight…



A catalog arrived today and on the way inside I stopped by the recycle bin & dropped it off.  Didn’t even flip a page.  Directly into the bin.

There used to be a time where I would be excited to see the book of possibilities and new ideas in the mailbox.  I would spend hours looking through and wondering if this or that would be the next best thing in my life.  What would I bring into my world to define me or enhance my life?

Some I still look over, but lately they just make me sad.  I want things that I don’t need.  Things that I do not have money to be spent on.  Things I already have.  Excess.

But why?  Part of it has been growing up shopping filled a need.  Part of it is just the desire to make life better.  Its not the things we want, its the potential promises they represent.  The new bed frame represents the release of old memories.  The potential of making more memories.  Redefining the room to more of my style now instead of the style of the person I once was.  I want to, but do I need to?

I have a bed.  A clean, comfortable bed in a room with a roof that keeps me safe and dry.  Why this constant craving for more?

As kids my sister & I had more toys than we could ever have played with.  We were blessed with games, hot rods, barbies and all the play-doh, crayons and bubbles a kid could dream of.  Yet take us to a toy store & we were bound to find that thing-a-ma-bob that we just had to have otherwise we would be scarred for life.  Sometimes we ended up getting it then, the next birthday or holiday.  Sometimes we never got that thing.  Funny thing is, I can’t recall a single thing I didn’t get that I thought I had to have.  I lived on.

Yet even as an adult I feel these urges to have this or that.  To have the kitchen table with matching chairs.  Even though I am alone in this house and what I have is enough.  We always want more.

I remember my sister & I would play a game with the catalogs & sales ads that would start to arrive this time of year.  We would go through page by page & each pick one thing on each page that we would “get”.  We couldn’t pick the same thing.  The person who picked first on one page would be the second to pick on the next page.

Do we ever find that place were we just are happy with the people and things we have in our lives? or is it a constant search of the next best thing?  Maybe the key is to stop searching & looking at what can be and focus more on what is – right now.

That & to be sure to do what we can to help others

and give ourselves a bit of TLC!

Well and read actual books instead of just catalogs!



Noticing a few things that seem to be in common in my world.

Like the fact that the two dates I lined up this week, both forgot to mention that they are divorced from one wife and are now divorcing the second.  One actually posted he was single. Starting off with lies, great foundation.

Like the more I try to save money the tougher it seems to be to keep in my pocket.  Its the moments in life where I feel like I have enough, that I start to actually have enough.  Hard part is tricking myself into thinking that when wishing the amounts on the accounts were higher.  Knowing that so many are without work & living on less reminds me to be grateful for all I have.

The times when I think positive, my life is better.  Maybe its the outlook that hides the bullshit.. or maybe we get what we give.  Positive energy out & positive blessings in.

Either way a bit of optimism never killed anyone, except that person who thought they could tight rope walk between the two skyscrapers, or that thought they would be able to tame the tigers.. ok never mind! Still thinking positive here.  Trusting in the good stuff.

So an update – remember back last month when I set a few goals?

Well tomorrow is the tenth.

Time for Ten On Ten! Ten on Ten is a simple way to give back. For as little as .33 a day you can make the biggest difference! On the 10th of each month choose a charity and donate $10, it is that simple. A little will go a long way.   Thinking I will update you tomorrow on my progress, but also wanted to invite anyone who reads this to also consider donating $10 in a way that helps.  Your choice.  I’d love to hear if you join me.

As far as the other goals I set:  working on getting more photos to complete the list, certainly spending more time with people outside of work and commenting on more blogs as often as I can.  The losing 15 pounds however, is going to be a tad tough.  To track at the very least.  After a long time of it being hidden away, I got it out to find it was dead.  Thought it was the batteries, but even new ones didn’t help.  So it has gone to the great junk hill in the sky.  Excuse? well it doesn’t hurt.  But I am working out more and am going to either find a scale to use once in a while or break down & buy one.  Who knows.  Seems pretty useless thing to buy the one hit wonder.  The goal is to get healthier not weigh less than a bag of dog food.

Still doing ok in the reading everyday.  Even though I almost forgot yesterday completely.  Maybe I should take a book on the next date?  Certainly would have been more entertaining.  But who knows.  I’m still open and going to accept the offers as they come until I do end up meeting someone honest, sane and worth spending a bit of time with.  Like I always say “it could have been worse”!


the Flower Anniversary

Today marks 4 years to the day my little sister married her husband.  So happy for them both.  They have been through so much yet still stand side by side, year after year.

Sometimes I have to wonder why I’m not celebrating some wedding anniversary, but then I remember I’m celebrating something just as special.  Deciding to get help and not live my life in the hell of the agoraphobia I was sinking into.   Yup 4 years ago, I escape the large room full of people as often as I could in between panic attacks and decided that was enough.  Girl can’t live like that.  So I took the steps (& meds) to get to a better place.

I also recognize that every day they are together, it gives me hope and inspiration.   Just two normal people, who found each other one random night at a party.  Over time they have become family.  Magic does still happen.

Once upon a time.  Some day will be my time.  Til then I get to live it up.

Still reading.  Still hate to admit it, but its a struggle to fit it in.  Used to be so easy.  I remember quite a few rainy days that I did nothing but read.  So wrapped up in the stories, I would even eat while turning pages.  Just engrossed.  Now I’m fighting to cover a few pages at the end of the night.

Habits take time to regain.

Thinking of my sister always reminds me of one of my favorite books, which is also one of her favorite movies…

Course having a great friend surprise me with a gift that is reminiscent also had me thinking of the story all day too!

So happy fourth to my sister & brother-in-law!  May you both celebrate many, many more happily together.

Pumpkin Quickie

Exhausted tonight.  Long day at work but then….

Tonight I got to FINALLY taste heaven:

Oh yes.  PUMPKIN frozen yogurt!

This will not be the last time I have this delight.  Going to have to go back very soon.  Especially since its just an October thing evidently.  Everything seems better in pumpkin.

Now off to bed with a quick stop at the book de jour in honor of

Tonight starting a new one.

Ghost Worlds by Melba Goodwyn

Here is hoping that its worth reading.  Certainly sounds like a good one.  Who knows what is out there ready to speak their piece.  It is October!

Ok blog post done.  Birds in bed. Teeth brushed.  Now to read & pass out. I swear that alarm clock sneaks earlier and earlier every morning.

Fast Five

What is it about certain things in life that just strike us?

Like Vin Diesel.  Not everyone loves him or even likes him, but to me – he is pure god among men.  The eyes, the walk, the voice, the laugh… listening to him talk about his views on life and the scripts he picks and why just melts me.  He has one of those voices I could imagine listening to at 89 from a wheelchair & still falling in love every time he opens his mouth.  Yes, this girl has it bad.  But why?

So funny how different things just resonate with us.

Love how unique we all are.  I don’t expect everyone to get excited by the roar of a tricked out V8 engine or the growl of Dom Toretto yelling at his crew to save their lives as they go on this mission or that.  But I do.

There are so many other things that just don’t hit me.

Like in the office a couple of the girls started talking about this guy, he does absolutely nothing for me.  Doesn’t make me want to run screaming or hurl, but honestly if he asked me out, I don’t think it would go more than just a courtesy date to see if personality would trump attraction.  Yet there they were talking about him as if he was the best this town had to offer.

Life is just odd like that.

No clue how we are all so one yet so different.  Like that analogy of the snowflakes.  We all fall from the cloud, made up of the same stuff but just so different.  No one better than another, but some more appealing to some than others.  But I love it!

So tonight, I laugh, I squeal, I get to be ecstatic again in watching Vin, Paul Walker & the crew do their thing in those sweet rides.  Fast Five came out today & like I tend to do, I went out & got it as soon as I could.  Watched it twice and still loving it.

First I am going to read, keeping with my commitment to at least 15 minutes per day since its too early to quit now!  Then who knows might have to watch it again as I drift off to sleep.

Knowing that somewhere someone will find me to be amazing for the details and uniqueness I bring to life.  The same way I will find someone who’s voice is music to my ears.  Til then I have Vin.  Ready to play at the touch of the buttons on my remote.

Heck every girl needs a crush.  I just tend to be very loyal to mine.


Keep Shooting Til You Get the Shot

Loving this picture a friend on facebook shared! Sadly that is how it has been feeling in my house.  Movies get viewed, TV series kept up & of course I watch any Panthers game I can catch, but the books… gather dust.  No more.

Its day three in the 31 Days of Reading!

Yesterday’s fun in the local session of the World Wide Photo Walk, inspired me.  I feel like I NEED more camera time in my life.  Love the feeling of seeing the details in life & “catching” them.  Great to see some people I hadn’t in a while.  Tonight I have some editing & going through the 665 pictures I took!  Love digital! Just go for it.  Play with it & delete the ones that don’t work out.  Not as committed to the perfect shot as I might be if it was film I had to pay for per shot & to develop before I saw how it came out.  Like the reflection shot…

I had a blast getting this, but it wasn’t the first shot.  Its a reflection in a glass door to an optometrist office.

So much of life doesn’t work out with the first shot.  We have to keep just clicking along to see what works & what doesn’t.  Take the risk of the shot.

Tonight I have to suggest a couple of books that I have loved.  Its photography for those who just want to shoot good picture instead of reading all the details.  Give me the basics & then let me play til I get it.

Scott Kelby, who started & does the photo walks each year, writes books for people like me.  Just the facts please.  Then let me go.  …but be there if I need you to answer a question.

The Digital Photography Book series do that.  I have the set & highly recommend them to anyone who has or wants a DSLR camera.

Then you can be part of the crazy, obsessed crew that scours the streets for that “perfect” shot… or maybe just a few like these.  To remind you why you stay in this town.  The beauty of it all & the fun surprises to be found when you look.