I love blogging. Reading them, writing them & the whole concept of being able to share thoughts together that strangers never would have before. The feeling that I am not alone when I read one I relate to. Inspiration to try new things thanks to insights from someone who has done it and shared their experience. Glimpses into the lives of others and opening mine up to share. Truly is a beautiful thing.
So why haven’t I been logging in and writing lately?
1st the good news – I’m kind of in a very happy place right now. Just graduated and spending a good chunk of time trying to find the next place to land employment wise. Still losing weight & even better the blood sugar is reflecting my change in diet positively. Still work but it comes more easy now. I’m in this weird place where I am dating someone who feels like family. Trust and honest love is there without many conditions. Still scared that dating a friend isn’t a good idea (previous history confirmed this) but this time is different in a lot of ways. He & I have both changed and are connected. We see our pasts and love each other still. Life will take us where it will, but for now I am happy.
Do I still get sad, mad, scared & deal with missing Mom? You betcha, but most days are more light than dark.
So the not as great news – I’ve reached a place where the act of blogging has become less a pick me up & more of an act that kind of depresses me. Thus the avoidance. While it has been therapeutic to get out those feelings, I find myself focusing less on the great stuff & more on what to vent or let go of. It’s too serious on here right now.
So my dilemma, find a way to fix what feels broken and hope that with change I can see this blog as more of the positive thing I had hoped it would be or appreciate it for what it was, know that it was perfect for me then and move on. I’m debating on starting a new blog where the focus is more on healthy lifestyles and my journey to stay optimistic and encourage smiles and health as much as possible. This one is all over the place – grief, stress, mental illness, unemployment, etc. Still it has been parts of me.
Embrace or let go?
Not sure yet. There will be change. Life just demands that now and then. Thankfully this is one of the times where it is a great thing. Just have to figure out what is best.
So thank you for reading this. I sincerely do appreciate being able to log in and see view counts and even the occasional non-spam comments. Started and continue to do this for me, but there is something to be said for the support felt knowing that others read your words. So Thank You.
…. I will be back….