Ever have one of those moments where you just stop and ask yourself what the fuck you are doing? Realize that the thing you have been worrying about and debating just isn’t worth the energy.
Late last night I woke up & had a sick to my stomach feeling. I knew things that lead me to realize that there really was no point in giving Mr Man the benefit of the doubt anymore. While I was struggling with my feelings & trying to support him as he deals with some heavy stuff, I was losing me. I against my gut feelings took his word on things & trusted. His actions spoke a LOT louder than the bullshit he was feeding me. So early this morning, I decided enough was enough.
His statement of “It is what it is” is indeed what it is. The dumbest phrase ever uttered. Much like one of the dumbest things I have ever done.
I let him make me an option rather than a priority. Feeling bad because everyone in his life has left him, I decided to be the one to stay & show him there are good people in the world who do care.
Thing is, sometimes you get what you look for.
The more I learn about the law of attraction, the more I realize that what you focus on is what you get. He can say he is this big optimist, but in reality he complains and brings everyone down. I wish him nothing but the best & hope that he finds someone who inspires him to grow into a happy human being. That person is not me.
Strangest part is that while I thought I would feel absolutely crushed and fall into another deep depression, at the moment I feel pretty bad ass. I know he is making a huge mistake & I know that I tried with every ounce of who I am to make it work. There were times where I wasn’t the best me, but always I was there for him. I tried. It just wasn’t enough in his eyes. Too fucking bad.
I know there are much better days ahead. I have great friends and live in a beautiful city. Somewhere out there is a guy who will love me, as is. Who will treat me like Mr Man did at the beginning of the relationship before he started taking for granted my love only instead of an act, it all will be real and come naturally. The trust and respect will not fade.
Truth is I have achieved a lot in my life & I enjoy spending my days as I choose rather than constantly struggling. I know am I loved an supported. Most of all I know I am worthy of love. Something much better than “what it is”.