Keep Going

Oh life.

Lately it has been challenging & I really don’t even know why.  If you look at the stats, I should be doing great & sometimes I am.  Other days, it is a real task getting up and out of bed. Finally got the bedroom in a better place WITH the new bed up.  Not stressed out about any family members. In a stable relationship with someone who clearly cares.  No work stressing me out.  But there is school.

Which is seriously making me question why I am even in this program.  Won’t get into it, but I can’t seem to grasp things lately. My focus is a problem, but also I have issues with learning old school methods when there are so many quicker & more efficient ways to do things.  I also have an attitude problem when it comes to “busy work”.

Adjusted meds because life was going great & I seemed to be at a place where I could possibly decrease.  Each day I ask myself if it is a good idea after all.  Either I am going through relearning to cope or I need the increase dose back.  Not sure which.  Lately something just isn’t working.  Especially when it come from me wanting to do much outside the new bedroom.

Sadly that is a perspective Mr Man just doesn’t even get.  He likes being on the go. Every day is a chance to do something or make something or explore somewhere.  We are learning to try to balance each other out, but it can be overwhelming for me.  Some days the PTSD just doesn’t allow for me to go, go, go.  I’ve been pushing it & then there are days I have just flat out given up.  Down side to the new bedroom set up is it is extremely comfy, especially on these cold, rainy days.  Still we try.

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…& we will keep trying.

As for that homework, not so sure. My eyes are certainly open to learn, but my heart just isn’t in this program lately.  Hopefully that will change soon, but if not who knows. Feeling a tad lost in my purpose in life but only one way out.  Keep going.

 

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