When you feel down, you have to remember.
So much gets us to where we are now. It is easy to think of the hard days, the times you wish you could have but it just didn’t work. Reminding yourself of all you have overcome to get here is just as important.
It has been 6 months since Mom left us. Today is six months to the day of the funeral. Still feels surreal and a bit like she is off on some vacation and unable to contact us directly.
I have struggled with the last couple of days more than I imagined I would have. I miss her. In ways I never imagined, I miss her. So many times I just want to pick up the phone & call her. It truly is those little things that leave the void. Having her listen, without judgement (expressed anyway) or trying to give solutions helped so much more than I saw then. She knew me & knew what I was going through in ways no one else ever will. Still….. I know me. I have me. & I will get through this.
Just need the reminder now & then that I can.
This is one reason I blog so openly. I can look back & remember.
Lately my sleep habits suck. I have skipped the ambien more & more. Stayed up later than I should. Waking up from dreams or sometimes the pug waking me from dreams. (I swear he is a therapy dog in so many ways, gently pawing my shoulder when I am in some seriously intense dreams is one of those things for sure. The snuggles after I wake help too.) Also I am finding I have been trying to use my hand during sleep & it is painful when it tries to stretch or grasp in ways it no longer can. Which means I have to deal with the pain thru the day & the emotional frustration of knowing this is just the way it is. Insomnia, night terrors, painful injuries & a helpful pug… not the recipe for a great night of sleep.
Thankfully tonight I get another chance.
Just have to keep going.