Flip it. Make today.

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I completely believe your perception shapes your reality.

Gratitude & positive thinking can change the world.

Lately however it just isn’t with me.  By all accounts I should be thrilled.  Proud of making it through the 5K, for passing Bankruptcy Law class that is notorious for being the hardest course to get through in the program, getting to watch my nephew change day by day from learning to smile & babble to flipping from tummy to back.  I’m just still really down.

Actually last couple of days, I’m beyond down.  I’m mad, annoyed easily & weepy.  Just generally frustrated.

I know  they say grief comes in cycles but it really does.  Missing my Mom more than ever.  Dad seems to need me around more than ever & it is starting to feel like my life is on hold still.  Truth is he seems to want me to move back in & isn’t really understanding I need to rebuild my life here at the beach where my home is.  Thank goodness for my nephew & those smiles.  Now is one of those times where I wish I could call Mom up & get advice.  At least vent and have someone that completely gets it.

Just want to curl up in someone’s arms and cry.  Have someone say it will all be ok & actually believe it.  Never did that with Mom but that’s the urge right now.  I’m just sad.  Tired of waiting for my bliss.

Thankfully I have great friends who still suffer through listening to me, although I’m not sure why at this point because even I am beyond tired of it.

Given in to it the past couple of days.  Hoping it worked its way out of my system.  Sometimes you have to give in and go with it to get through it.  But it is a new month.  Time to shake it off.  Back to focusing on eating right (which is harder than expected splitting my time in two places & eating with others while not at home) and healthy decisions (work out since the 5k? nope not officially).

I should feel like I have all the time in the world right now being in between semesters and not working.  But I don’t.  That needs to change.  There are 24 hours in every day.  No reason to feel like  my days are stretched so tight.  Just have to take control and enjoy them no matter where they are.

Life is mine to sculpt even if sometimes I don’t feel like I have everything I need to make art, it is there waiting in the clay for me to find.

Pity Party over.  Need to be a happy girl and focus on the joys in life before they pass.  Sadness is getting me no where & Mom wouldn’t have wanted me being like this.  She would tell me to get over it.  Sucks but you have to keep going.  Can’t stop life.  Even when it feels you have nothing to lose.

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