#52Lists Style Icons and teardrops

style icons 52 Lists

Style icons? Can’t really say I have thought much about that topic but there it is.  This week’s topic for the 52 Lists.

& a refreshing break for my mind.
Focus has been on preparing for this baby shower.  When I’m not thinking about how everything has changed since Mom died.  Has been a tough week.  Missing her more and more each day.  Hard to fathom how much things change.  Little stuff.  Roles lost.  Duties undone.  Several things got me thinking about how different life is when you take people out.  The way relationships change.  The more I try not to think, the harder it is to stop thinking.
No matter how much I wish I could change the past, I can’t.  Yet I can’t help but think about how things would and should be different.
Not sure what good it does but I can’t stop.
Music comes on the radio, I cry.  TV shows and movies to distract, some how it relates & I cry.  Keep telling myself you feel to heal. But I’m tire of crying.  I’m tired of being sad.  I’m tired of missing Mom.  I’m tired of worrying about everyone else and what will happen. I’m tired.
Thankfully I have plenty of time to sleep.
Another 24 down.

2 thoughts on “#52Lists Style Icons and teardrops

  1. my husband has acc – been batteling it since 1999 – today the worse news – 4 to 8 months left – mass is in his brain. can’t stop crying – he is my world – i hurt for him. he’s the stongest, most amazing person i have ever known. im scared. how to do this – how to keep living each day after he’s gone. i can’t – i don’t know how. your blog scares me more – i’m sorry for your hurt – i see you are tired of hurting – and that is my fear – that the hurt will never stop.

    • I’m so sorry.

      Hoping you are working with Hospice or another organization. They got us through the physical stuff and made our time together easier than it would have been. Every case is different but if it means anything, we were grateful that in my mom the cancer hit her brain yet she remained coherent & with it mentally right up til the end. Hoping that is the case for your husband as well.

      Not sure how my Dad does it daily. Seems like ACC hits the most special people. They were together so long & he is having trouble adjusting, but I don’t think he would do anything different. The good memories, even when things got bad, were worth it. Getting to hear her acceptance of letting go helps some. I wish I could ease your fears & tell you it doesn’t hurt after a while, but we miss her. Still we know she wouldn’t want us to let go of life because she had to so we keep at it. Face each 24 knowing there will be moments we cry, moments we forget that we can’t call her again and moments were we don’t understand why. But there are also moments where we felt the love & remember how truly beautiful they were.

      It will be two months tomorrow so it still feels very fresh to me. Hoping that in time I will learn to adjust more. She did when she lost her father to lung cancer.

      Although it feels like it, know you aren’t alone. Thinking of you & your husband. Never know what lies ahead. ❤

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