Lately I find myself craving a connection.
Some nights I just want to crawl up beside someone and sleep. Get a hug when I find myself feeling down. Scratch a back while watching some mindless Tv show. Dream of future adventures or just encourage each other to get thru the next 24 hours to face the new day.
My life feels like it has been put on hold for a long time now while family came first. Weekends spent dining with Dad. I don’t regret the time at all but I long for someone of my own.
Thankfully I have friends.
Friends get you thru the tough moments. They can change your way of thinking and remind you that while you may not be where you had hoped to be, the sun still shines where you are and there is beauty to be found in everything.
Enjoyed catching up with several friends lately beyond the texts and social media posts. Amazing how much difference it makes. The smiles with lips, eyes and laughter warm the soul so much more than combined punctuation marks every could.
One of those friends and I often discuss our wishes to find that one other someone to claim as our other half. He shares his male view while I give him my perspective on they various interest or hopefuls and often the pure disgust at what presents itself in the chaos of online dating. We give pep talks when the weight of the world makes us feel as if we are the only tadpole swimming in a pond of goldfish. Reminders that we are worth the future and it will happen as long as we keep going and trying.
These past months he has done way more trying than me understandably. I know that you have to go out and meet new people. Have to spend time building relationships to get to the cozy part.
Recently got to thinking what makes a date? Where is the line?
Is it the attraction? The intention?
Such fine lines.
I could say I have been on plenty of dates lately. Trip to the petting zoo, hanging on the beach checking out the stars & chatting, pinball tournaments after plays, dinner. All could be great dates …if they were. They weren’t. They were friends hanging out.
So maybe for now that is all I can handle. Just time together with people I know are safe and there for me.
Or are these moments my substitute for putting myself out there?
Sooner or later I will be ready and hopefully the right situation will present itself. Til then pseudo dates will work just fine for me.