The Equinox Balance

676ebd25efcd56eb64580e5724d1a860Spring Equinox.

When the earth starts bringing back the light to chase away the dark.

Today we balance.  Same amount of daylight and night.

What better time to set a few new goals & try to get back to living life.

Updated my life lists on SuperViva.  Was delighted to check off more DONE than I had expected.  Going to have to think up a few more things to do.

Started tracking calories again.  Doubt I will do it daily, but it was surprising to see how many calories those morning smoothies add up to be!  Not what I had expected from them.  Just goes to show that sometimes healthy doesn’t mean less.  May be time to find a new vanilla protein powder.

Thinking I should formally get back into some fitness plan.  Been walking but not tracking anything.  More walking for peace of mind.  Meditatively.

Starting grief support group next week and not entirely sure what to expect.  Still can’t really grasp she can just be gone.  There are certainly moments where I feel the pain of the void, but probably 80% of the time, I just feel like she is away somewhere and I will get a call to check in or she will come home.

Enjoying planning & getting everything together for the upcoming baby shower… and the baby.  Really wish I could show her all I am doing & get her take on everything.  As much as I love my Dad, it is just different with a Mom.  Was different since she retired from work and had time to connect.  Now no connection.  It hurts, even if it can’t be helped.

Guess in time it is something to get used to.

There is hope that with the gaining sunlight we will find that the light chases away the darkness of it all.  The happy memories push away the sad times.

I took a risk today and although it didn’t pan out quite as I had hoped, I did it.  When I shared the update with a few great friends, we joked the whole situation and driving along I found myself laughing harder than I have in a long time.  Nothing all that funny really, but I felt good.  Supported and cared for by these people who have seen me through this, even with their own ordeals to face.

When the moon hides, we have the sun to guide us.  As the sun disappears, the moon watches over us til the cycle repeats.

Sun_and_Moon_by_daydreamer_art

For this I am thankful.  While I may still long for my mom, I am grateful that life doesn’t ever seems to leave us alone.

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