The Space

I’m a planner.  An information junkie.  Sometimes the overload is a burden or can scare me more, but at times there is comfort in knowing.  So lately I find myself reading more on grief and how to deal than I should be (sorry homework).

This morning so far it has been:

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Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Parent Dies
by Alan D. Wolfelt

Reading “We create space for love, and when love leaves, the space remains.” had me thinking, if we create the space for love, what about those spaces we created in the womb? The ones we never really have lived without.  Sure there have certainly been adjustments in the space over the years but all is forgiven. The emptiness in the space certainly is felt.

I’m trying to find the balance between healing and getting back on track with life.  Part of me just wants to drop classes an everything else and go stay with my Dad to help him.  Another part of me hears my mother’s voice saying that is out of the question! I promised I wouldn’t quit my life.  I can press pause for a while though right? Yet another piece inside knows that he needs time to process his grief too.  He was with her longer than I have been & I imagine the space he has to fill is enormous.  My sister & brother in law, along with family & friends are there for him… & of course Molly, his shadow dog.  She is by his side always.  So for now weekends it is.

And baby steps towards normalcy.  Whatever that is now.

Bought myself a new blender.  Had planned on it before it all happened, but just hadn’t.  So this morning I had another smoothie breakfast.

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Frozen pineapple, strawberries and mango tossed in with a pack of vanilla carnation instant breakfast stuff & some apple juice.

1. Recipe: the smoothie?
2. Writing: had been up to 5,65 words.  Other than a couple of blogs my writing has stopped, for now.  I’m sure it will come back, but my mind needs the break.
3. Ocean: going today after class & a couple of errands.  Not sure why but I almost feel like I am avoiding it.  Always has been my safe meditative place.  Feels like when I go it will all just be released & I’m not sure I can handle that with everything else right now.
 
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