wash away

Why is it that the more we try to avoid something, the more it presents itself?

Yesterday was fabulous in terms of keeping my mind off my troubles.  Visited with friends at a funeral, which doesn’t sound like a great place to be but this was truly a celebration of life – complete with great stories & laughter.   Inspiring.  Then it was off to get a few things done before heading out to a party for a cause.  Will be sharing the info regarding the organization at a later date for sure.  Impressive & loved the environment – think best of backyard fun: great music, pool, dunking tank, hammock, blow up water slide, plenty of food & friendly faces.  Oh & the Panthers played the first preseason game! Which threw me off being on a Saturday, but thanks to the DVR I got to see the entire game.

Barely had time to feel down.

Today however has been different.  Woke up from a dream and thought of about 6 things I wanted to say, but then realized we don’t talk anymore.  Stopped myself several times from checking to see if “he” had sent a text.  Even a trip to the beach to meditate & relax didn’t pull my mind from missing him.  Little reminders of conversations or inside jokes popped up everywhere haunting me into wondering if maybe it all wasn’t so wrong after all.   Maybe I needed him in my life more than I realized.  Maybe.

Luckily I have friends to remind me of simple truths.

As one who has known me pre-relationship, during & now post said – What I am missing is the companionship I’ve grown accustom to.  The habits of texting and talking and meeting up.  Its been the thing I did for the past 3 months (shy of a day) and as they say it takes 21 days to make a habit.  I just have to use the next 21 to make new ones.

Remind myself that there are new memories to be made and if I want a future, I have to let go of the past.  Especially when there is no going back.  There are reasons it wasn’t as happy as it should have been.  Reasons why it needed to end.

So new habits.  Reconnect with the optimist I’ve missed.  Distract myself with new things til the pain isn’t even a numbness anymore.

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