Stapling water to trees

Lately everything just seems tougher. I try to remind myself that after rain comes rainbows. Get thru the hard stuff to reach the goal. But I freely admit I love rain. It calms the world. Thins the public herd and just makes most hide away. Maybe I’m a live life in sweat pants & a tank to relax the day away solo kind of girl.

Starting to feel like maybe the sunny days and rainbows just aren’t were I should be. I like balance. Still the balance just isn’t there.

Hard days at work, realizations that people are not whom you had originally thought & emotions hitting hard in fearing starting life a bit closer to completely alone.   Which Is worse settling or being lonely. 

No matter what there have to be lines drawn. Its one thing to be there and help a friend in need, but then there are those pals who translate your “Hi, how are you?” As “what can you do for me right or who can you connect me too that can bring something new?”  ….which when its reciprocal cool. If not there better be compensation and just call it customer service rather than friendship.  

Just cant shake this feeling I’m stuck.  In this holding pattern of life while the others soar on, disrmbark and explore making memories.

I just keep making wishes.  Hoping to find true people who can share a few dreams and stand beside each other in supporting the ones we don’t share. Common courtesy & respect.

For now I keep the fight. If I wake in the morning then its time to start the next 24 to survive. If I can get thru the days pretending to be ok, then I can deal with it all at night before the ambien kicks in…..which it doing now. Sweet dreams & that you to those who care for me just for being me.


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