Dancing Beyond the Fear

Part of getting over the things that hold us back in life is just to take the leap and try those things we never would have imagined doing.

So when a friend mentioned she had signed up for a dance class, I wondered if this would be a good time to spend time with her (our schedules are insanity) & also get past my aversion to group fitness classes.  The idea of being shut up in a small room with a group focusing on fitness has not been at the top of my things I enjoy list for quite sometime now.  Honestly – its been years.  Since before the agoraphobia took her grip & certainly before I sustained the injuries to my hand.

Not really sure what part of me said GO FOR IT, but I do love that piece of me that is taking charge again.  But first things first – could I?

The questions ranged from practical (would I be able to get there in time, in proper attire from work? should I spend the money on something that really isn’t going to last?) to more personal (work out clothes in front of strangers? would I re-injure the tendon? could I do it with the injury?  would I panic and not be able to last the entire class?) …”what if”s  that really have no room in my mind any more but creep in occasionally anyway.

First to deal with the practical pieces.  Thanks to google directions it seemed that I could make it from here to there in time with a stop at my place to let the dog out & change from work to work out.  Figured out the expense part & decided I was worth it.  Should get a bonus soon anyway.  Maybe this is the kick in the pants I need to get back into the habit of doing more than just the treadmill.

Then it was the emotions… I was a nervous wreck for the couple hours before the class.  Body issues – be they weight or injury related, hit me hard.  I kept thinking of the scene with the hippos from Fantasia! The last time I was in a dance class I was anorexia and tiny!  I had been dancing for years and knew the moves so well.  This would be a complete restart. Back to beginner.

Yet didn’t matter.  I was going.  No stopping me.  Couple of klonapin and I was there.  Friendly face helped to calm me more & the giggles dispelled any desire to run to the car or hide in a bathroom.  We were all beginners there & I dare say all at least a little nervous.

Oh, did I mention this is a POLE DANCING class?

I may not have been the natural or as uninhibited as I might have liked to say I was, but I was there.  I stayed the entire class.  The time went by faster than I could imagine.

What was tough, I tried.  What wasn’t going to work, I adapted to accommodate for my hand.  The “Sexy Push Ups” were done even if not done with a flat palm to the floor.

What I didn’t realize is the more skin, the better the grip.  Yes there is a reason those girls get naked (or at least nearly so).  Which also means although its still technically winter, I am going to have to quickly become ready to wear shorts! Mentally I am not even close to being there.  Maybe a new pair will inspire me.  Still I haven’t been into the super short ones I should be wearing in a LOOOONG time.  I’ve been hiding, but its time to shed.

Although this morning I woke with sore feet & feeling a few muscles that had been dormant far to long, I am ready to go again.  Ready to take a few twirls around the pole & spin around in reckless abandon… ok well maybe just twirl around safely for now.

Ready to get back to that feeling of being a dancer.


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