Just a Picky B*tch

Bit frustrated lately.

Been straddling the dreams of new house, new relationship, hope that a few situations people I care about will turn out for the best.  Reality likes to slap you upside the face when you get out of hand dreaming.  The challenge is do you keep dreaming or just resolve to settle for what is realistic?

Checked out a few houses.  Seeing more flaws that I am future.  My price range sucks.  Spots look good online, but a drive by destroys the delusion.  Too far from work, too close to the neighbors, too sketchy an area… too much to consider.

Dates? well I am still trying.  Sweet guys, but my heart isn’t exactly singing  for the time being.

Part of me knows that my biggest problem is my own fear & inability to focus on what I actually want.  Hopes have been dashed far too many times in the past.  Not willing to settle, but not entirely sure on where the dreams & reality will meet.

One frustration has been in finding a certain pair of shoes.  This Friday is the Annual Rock the Red Pump project & my toes needed some crimson slippers to celebrate.  Spent the weekend shopping several places- with no luck.  Saw plenty of red shoes.  Some not my size.  Some not my price range.  Some not my style.  After so many stops, I wanted to just say forget it.  I would be red footed in spirit this year.

Kept thinking I work in an office where I can wear pumps daily.  Maybe I should just spend the money on a good pair.  Still the style was a barrier.  Certainly didn’t want most of the uber high heeled f*ck me pumps I had been seeing a lot of places.  Just not what I am looking for.  Again feeling a tad out of the clan wishing for something it seems no one else is.

Not sure why, but today at lunch I decided to give it one more try.  Headed over to the mall where I was sure I would see the same old choices I had everywhere else.

Started out that way.  Although I was inspired by the first stop.  A pair I actually could see myself wearing often…. BUT was about twice as much as I was hoping to spend.  Told myself I was worth it.  Yet inside a voice urged me to hold off.

The next spot again offered less than I had hoped.  Very few red shoes & those that were there of the stripper costume sort.  Not what I had hoped for.

UNTIL I glanced the pair at the very back.  Price was right, but were they comfortable? Actually they were.  Funny enough the name screamed comfort.  Not the same old, same old.  Still not so unique they are obnoxious.  Why not? Tried them on and they fit perfectly.  Sold.

So maybe everything isn’t out of reach.  I just have to stay true to what I want and patient.  In time it will come together.

At least I hope so.

Certainly ended up that way for another girl in red shoes who thought her goals were hopeless!


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