Sometimes I feel so lost.
I know where I want to be, but no clue on how to actually get there. So frustrating trying.
Thinking 85, got 86’d. Admittedly I overreacted to something he said & frankly its a bit early for disagreements. Especially living hours away. No chance to get together & chat it out & all that making up fun. He’s hot, but if we can’t get along this early what are the chances for later on down the road?
Still feeling like a dork for letting stupid shit get to me.
My standard mode when I see things start to look like a relationship. Blew it.
Keep telling myself that there is something meant for me out there & when the time is right I will find it. Starting to think I have found it & just passed it right on by. Thankful for some of those chances left behind but still would be nice to realize a few dreams along the road of life.
Catching up on blogs & one post hit me.
Comfortable and attractive huh? Certainly not my current state of affairs. Which is why I spent my lunch break and some time tonight checking out new potentials. If I can’t have the whole enchilada, I have to keep trying to achieve a few dreams. Only question is which ones? They seem to be changing.
For instance one of the places would have been a dream beyond anything I could have expected a few years ago, still is in a lot of ways. Checked it out tonight and couldn’t help but notice how close to a couple of bars it was. Not go have a glass of wine bars, but ones I KNOW get rowdy, especially in the summer. Priced right, but I can’t help but wonder how safe I would feel or how much of a hassle it would be. Certainly doesn’t seem like the single gal place. Roommate? Maybe. But do I want that? and who in the heck would I end up with? Still great location otherwise & great place.
If it was for a year or a summer – no questions asked I would jump on it. But in thinking long term, I just can’t make the call. Analysis paralysis? completely. Just like I do in relationships.
How on earth am I ever going to achieve anything if I keep up the self sabotage? or am I just becoming someone new? or just too scared to jump into the next phase of life?
Either way I am still pissed. Pissed that I allow fear into the picture. Pissed that I let memories of the bad moments terrorize the here and now.
How many days were spend in bliss in relationships? Were they not worth the work & the pain of the endings? How many times was I out and about enjoying night life without being attacked? So why assume that every situation is going to end badly? Why do I let my mind wander down these roads?
I have to stop & put it all into perspective.
Otherwise I know life is going to pass me by.