Ticket to anywhere but back here

If today came with a receipt I would return it.  Shame when you know there are only 24 hours in a day, but you still can’t wait  to get through it to the next.  Just feeling a funk.  One of those I just want to crawl up in some comfy, safe spot and hide a bit.  Sad thing is, nothing around me feels like that.  If I had one wish right now, it would be to be on my grandmothers big fluffy couch buried in a couple of blankets and a dozen pillows.  Listening to the sounds of the family doing whatever it does and knowing that at any moment I might catch a giggle from her or some one might come thru the door for a visit.  Just missing life before.  Tired of facing the truth.  Tired of dealing and pretending I’m over things and all is going to be ok.  Tired.

Which is why tonight I’m unplugging and crashing out early.

New day & new attitude hopefully will improve my mood.  At least a change of scenery.  Work will be a good distraction and a chance to shake these four walls and all the memories within them.  Some days I just want to pack up and leave it all behind.  But then where would I go?

So I sleep and hope to dream of happy things.


General goalsfor the coming year & next few months…

  • 100 Days challenge – 100 days straight of intentional moving 30 minutes each day – 15 days down, 85 to go til I get my Kindle Fire
  • 10 on 10 – give $10 to a non-profit each month on the 10th – gave to the Cape Fear Literacy Council
  • Read more! – Finished two books, so far the third is just not going good. Trying to give it a shot, but I may let this one go if I don’t connect to it soon.
  • Budget each month prior to the month & stick with it – not feeling well has been great cash flow wise. Nothing spent today or yesterday.

As for the more traditional resolutions:

  • Try one new thing each week – Done. Enough said on that. I share enough on here. Just trust me. Stepping outside the comfort zone on that one.
  • Cook something each week – certainly tried something new today & it was gross.  Was going to make some stir fry with the chicken I got a couple of days ago, but when I opened the package – the smell hit me. It was Bad! Looked all in the pantry & fridge but not so much as a can of tuna.  Tossed out a few out dated things though so one positive.  Ended up mixing together eggs with spinach, cheese & some turkey.  Not so great. But I tried.
  • Take one photo I love each week –I need more photog time in my life.
  • Continue my love affair with Post Crossing got a few confirmations that my post cards have made it & even got one from Belarus this week.  Another five ready to go Tuesday since the mail doesn’t run tomorrow.
  • Floss daily – this is too easy. starting to wonder why its on here. Done, done & done again.
  • Meditate more – at least weeklythis is getting dropped from the list.  I meditated today & nothing good came of it.  I refuse to open up anymore if that is where it will lead.  Maybe its already feeling bad or who knows what, but when I silenced my mind – memories returned that didn’t need to be remembered.  Perhaps I needed the release, but it certainly left me feeling less recharged & more on edge.  So no.  No more meditation for a while. My mind needs the chatter.
  • Daily food picture –  366 dishes – there is nothing pretty about anything on my plate lately.  Still this is a record.  Hoping one day the pictures of food will be more appetizing.
  • Spend an hour with someone else outside of work each week – total flop this week.  Flying solo & I can’t say that I regret it.  Hoping I spared a few people any germs I could.  Just put another hour on my tab for later I guess.

3 thoughts on “Ticket to anywhere but back here

  1. Ali…just read your comments about meditation not working. Here’s my suggestion….do a gentle, beginner’s yoga daily (or every other day) and while doing it, just focus on the teacher’s voice and your breathing in and out, in and out. Since our brains can only handle one thought at a time, anything else that’s been crowding in on you will be forced out….believe me, it WORKS!
    My favorite gentle yoga is a Jane Fonda VCR tape that I’ve had for many years. I don’t think it’s even out there on a DVD. She does basic Sun Salutations for part of the program, then an awesome 15 min. relaxation. You will feel like a wet noodle when you’re done! Does it work? Absolutely! I had to go through an MRI recently and since I’m very claustraphobic and didn’t want to take a sedative prior to the proceedure, I closed my eyes before going into the machine and did Jane Fonda’s “I am relaxed, completely related…my toes are relaxed, completely relaxed…” along the entire length of my body 3X….the technician was amazed that I never moved the entire time of the MRI scan.

    • What a great idea! I completely forgot about guided meditations & yoga. I have been scared to get back into yoga due to my hand not being able to support weight – really do not want to snap that tendon again. BUT guided mediation might be exactly what I need. Its how I got into it all in the first place, why wouldn’t it be where I should start again?

      Thank you so much! 🙂 Going to have to try it again after all.

      (& hoping the MRI went well. I got lucky & mine was in a room where one whole wall was a window. Felt a lot less encased than it would have. I was more nervous about the outcome than anything else. Good luck!)

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