Trusting Instincts to Avoid Convicts

Certain times in my life, I have just trusted that I know what is best for me.  Listen to the feelings, the signs and all that motivates me, I have ended up in some amazing places.  Times when I toss the gut feelings & do what I “should be doing” get me in trouble.  But like we all do I doubt.  We learn through the experiences and grow.

Recently I decided to toss caution to the wind & just get out there.  I would like to be in a relationship, but frankly wasn’t doing much to get there.  So I agreed to at least meet the next person who asked me out online.   Smart girls rules apply – public place, short time frame & someone knows where you are at all times.

Well the 1st guy that asked, I passed since I already had plans that day – with myself.  Maybe that was the catch.  Perhaps I should have ditched my plans & met that guy.  But I didn’t.  I value my me time & am not the drop everything to try to meet Mr Right Here Right Now.

So  next invitation, I took.  He wasn’t anyone I was immediately attracted to & yet wasn’t repulsed.  My age, my town, divorced.  No deal breaker to really be seen from the profile.  So why not.  I agreed to meet.

Several messages followed. One which slightly irked me and made me think… “yeah, this is not going to work out.”  Something inside just wasn’t feeling this.  The comment (against my Panthers) may have been meant in jest, but I didn’t care for the undertones that I was picking up.  Nothing  to document or even that I could really say was THE thing , but something inside said don’t get your hopes up for this one.

I went.

I had agree to meet down by the river in the middle of everything.  I could watch the sunset while I waited.  I sat on the bench & noticed another girl who was standing near by looking nervous.  She seemed to be in a similar situation.  I saw her checking out the guys as they walked by, checking her outfit – blind date? Seemed that way.  Then it dawned on me that I never really said anything about exactly where I would be or would be wearing.  The blonde across the boardwalk could easily have been mistaken for me by someone who didn’t know me.  Similar body, similar hair length – I would never have worn that outfit, but a stranger wouldn’t know that wasn’t my style.  So I decided that I would wait & let fate decide.  If the guy I was supposed to meet approached her first, I would just slip away unnoticed if possible & allow them to be what will.  The idea made me laugh.  Something from a movie.  Plus who knows, maybe me getting him there to that spot to meet her would be what had to happen to get two people right for each other to be in the same place at the same time.  I would gladly go home alone and smile at the thought of assisting cupid.

But her guy showed & they left.

Then the guy I was supposed to meet showed up.

His first comment caught me off guard.  “Wow!  You look exactly like your pictures.”  He did genuinely seem surprised.  Since this wasn’t my first online meeting,  I almost understood the comment.  Several guys I have met in real like have not been like their profile pictures.  People change.  So should pictures.  If the online picture is over 5 years old, you are already starting off with deception.  He looked like his picture online so no worries.  Just no butterflies.

We walked.  We talked.  We got delicious frozen yogurt.   We shared pieces of our lives and views on dating.

Something just seemed off.

Nice guy, but not my guy.  Also there were a few things that struck me as truth being stretched.  I won’t get into details, but for me there is no reason to hide things.  Unless you have something to hide.

The night ended and I thought nothing lost, nothing gained except maybe another face in a crowd I could say Hi to. Maybe a friend or some

Still things didn’t add up.

Like the Divorced listed on the profile, was both true yet not quite.  He divorced his 1st wife, but was divorcing his second.  I tend to prefer to stay away from the divorce process.  I’m free & clear and hope that any guy I date will be as well.  Divorce is hard.  Emotional.  I want someone who has healed & is ready to move on.  Not someone who is looking for a band-aid or to make someone jealous.  So that really wasn’t so great.

Then there were other things.

So I did the checks.  The free ones.  Call it snooping if you want, but I am a single girl with nothing exciting to report on her criminal background and hoping to find the same in a guy.  There are stories behind everything and just because someone wasn’t caught doing something doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.  I forgive and certainly there are situations that are to be taken into account.  STILL there are a few charges I don’t want to be in my life.  I do not want anyone who has a violent past.  Fraud & larceny also concern me greatly.  That being said, there are people who change.  I believe time can heal wounds… if someone wants them to be healed.  All things can be considered.

That being said, I would like to share a couple of links.

I advise you to always use with caution since you can completely freak yourself out learning part of the story and jumping to conclusions.  Still I think sometimes its good to be aware.

There are many search databases that you can look through.  Some cost and some are free.  One advantage of working in Human Resources is that I am aware of several sites to use.  These are  some of the free ones.

Office of Inspector General Website

North Carolina Department of Justice Offender Registry – I’m hoping all states have these for free.  Search for your states online.

This one by far creeps me out the most!

Check to see who are the people in your neighborhood.  Family Watchdog

Let’s just say my gut feeling on this one was right.  I need to appreciate those instincts more.  Be grateful for the things that they help me to avoid rather than worry that they are holding me back.

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