Will it ever stop?

The attack that just keeps coming…

Some days I just want to run home into someone’s arms who can make me feel safe, but in reality there is no one like that.  Its never really going to be completely free of stress and worry.

Today I am just thankful that I made it through the day without freaking out and releasing my tension via screaming at some moron who happen to cross my path at the wrong moment.

Yesterday I got ANOTHER bill for all the medical crap.  ANOTHER… for a finger that hurts daily & pisses me off since it will never be pretty or normal or function the way it should again.  & why?

Enraged isn’t even an emotion any more.  I go straight to who cares.  Feels like this who mess is never going to end.

I want to hate someone. Anyone who is responsible.  The only person I actually know who was there was me.  Not sure what I am being punished for, but I sincerely hope it was fun.

Frustration only rises at work lately as I continue to call people to see if they will do this job or that only to heard people complain that they don’t want to work because it may mess up their unemployment claims.  Isn’t that for people who CAN NOT work? If I offer a job, doesn’t that mean you CAN work? It kills me.  A simple interview isn’t going to stop the checks from coming but wouldn’t you rather earn a paycheck than sit on your ass sucking the tax payers dry? & why am I bothering to work? Uncle Sam never stepped in to pay any of my bills.  Nothing. Even for this chaos without a reason, I am held responsible!  I don’t mind paying taxes & knowing some of it does go to help others.  I know there are those who truly do need help, but seriously? Lazy bums.  Worthless sacks of shit who can’t get off their couches to deal.  Why? I just don’t understand.

For the moment the Kali within remains restrained, but at times I just don’t get why my path is mine.  Still I keep walking down the path.  Even if at times I am more marching in anger.

Had to almost laugh when I read my horoscope today after starting this post:

Tuesday, Aug 9, 2011


It’s not easy to find an emotionally safe place to stand today, for you might feel as if your life is out of balance. You believe that you should remain silent and continue to do your job, yet you may be compulsively driven to even an old score. Avoid the temptation to act impulsively because you could do something that is totally out of character. Consider less radical alternatives to express your anger. You’ll be able to keep your dignity intact with a more moderate response.

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