Building a life

For someone so ready to move, I feel like I am dragging my feet lately.

Part is I don’t want to rush into anything.  Another is I would like to be more settle in my finances and work life before making another change… but I am getting there. Course another huge piece is what is available at a price I am comfortable spending.

at least I know I want a place with 2 bathrooms

The other puzzle piece leaves me feeling sick to my stomach when I think about it.  The whole shaping the next 10 years part of my life.  What area of town? What town? How many rooms & what should they be used for? Do I need 2 car garage or is one ok? (Yes after several flooded convertible tops and a tree limb through a front dash.. I do want coverage and protection over my transportation!)

I know my favorite places to eat, shop & go…. but that could all change & there could be new places popping up or undiscovered places hidden somewhere.

Close to work makes sense, but my last job moved offices half way through.  The one before even relocated within the 8 years I was there.  I’ve only been employed where I am for a few months and although I love it whose to say its going to be steady enough to plan a place to live around?

I could look at the people I like or would like to have more of in my life.  BUT who is to say they won’t move or change?  Doesn’t make sense to move closer to people.  Maybe if I was renting and could change my mind or if I were seeing someone seriously to take a next step with… but that’s not the situation nor should it be to make this big of a decision just yet.

This is about making a life I want.  One that can’t be based on others.   Still I am a BIG dreamer.  I have to be slightly realistic.  There is no way I can get the ideal house especially since it doesn’t come with the idea life…. and no guarantees that it would even be anything I actually want once I get it.

So what would be ideal?

Water.  I’m here because I love being able to go out on a full moon and watch the waves roll in.  Hearing them while I fall asleep would be heaven.  Every chance I have had to sleep at the beach in a house with the windows open has been bliss.  Its a sort of tranquilizer that can’t be bottled or imitated by a sound machine.  Still I have been through enough hurricanes to know that being on the water has some severe drawbacks at times.  PLUS if its beach front we are talking about it will be out of my price tag & impossibly frustrating to deal with during the tourist times.  So maybe that isn’t such a great thing after all.

I’d love to be in an area where I could safely feel comfortable walking.  Walking the dog, walking to go grab some dinner, just for fun or exercise.  Not sure where this would be.  A neighborhood comes with nosey neighbors.  Downtown doesn’t seem like a good choice for me living alone.  Plus do I really want to be able to go out anytime? Too much chance for trouble.. both from others and to get myself into.  I don’t need to go back to the party girl who hits the clubs at 10  every weekend.  It got old…and expensive.  Part of me fears being attacked again.  But the realist knows it could have happened anywhere.

How do you know your potential neighbors? He seemed great, but talked to himself, played with dolls and we all know he would be able to kills us with the Marine background!

Still I’m scared.  I drive through these neighborhoods and have to wonder… who lives here?  Are they some criminals or violent people? Will they be friends, strangers, enemies, a revolving door of transients in and out.  Will their dogs be friendly or send me to the ER? or worse send Baxter to the ER?

Plus.. what if I stay in this phase of my life?  Single.. unattached… just doing what comes to heart.  Then do I really need/want the upkeep of a house?  Would a condo be a better option?  Parrots aside. Who knows.  But I love my birds.  And I love being able to gaze at the moon….. so patio or yard is a must.

So many decisions.

Why does it feel so much like I am needing to define myself?  Its just a place right?

….maybe I just need to take a break and check out for a day.  I had planned on checking out a few more places today, but late night, early morning wake up via the on call work phone in an ambien stupor, followed by 2nd wake up and feeling like a got hit by a hearse filled with plague victims has me thinking skip it.

If only it were so easy….



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