Beat down and decade dreaming

Today was totally a Monday.  I feel like a zombie.  Sun hadn’t even set but I felt as if I could sleep as soon as I walked in from work this afternoon.  Doesn’t help that Baxter just curls up and starts snoring by my side every chance he gets.  Maybe it was the near miss Earth had with an asteroid this morning.

Still playing catch up with a million little details leftover from last week & the weekend… but getting there.

One not so fun part was facing my budget.  Its so hard to go from getting a salary every two weeks to working with being paid hourly rate every week.  Starting to hate holidays! But one day I will pass the introductory period and get paid for them again.  One day I will figure out how to pay the car payment with a check that is almost way too close to that amount.. or how to get by on that difference for 7 days in between checks.

Bit of a grump at work after going through countless applications to find one that was even closely qualified for a position.  FYI: optimism is awesome, I completely suggest healthy doses of it for everyone in life, however be slightly realistic in what you are applying for OR customize your resume to show us how your current experiences relate to the position you are applying for.  It is annoying to go thru hundreds of resumes looking for a medical office manager and keep seeing ones of people who have never had any experience in an office much less a medical supervisory position.  No, sorry decorating a cake and ringing up burgers does not qualify you for that particular position.  Maybe one day, but at the moment this would not be a good idea for anyone involved… please just step out the way.   Also if you know you are going to fail the drug test required for a position, just admit it from the get go & not waste anyone’s time (your’s or mine).  Not sure why I let situations get to me, but I did today.

Looking at online house listings is getting harder & harder.  Something my Dad brought us has me getting picker than I should be to be able to stay within the goal budget.  He suggested I find something that I would be comfortable in for at least the next 10 years…. TEN YEARS?!?!?  Makes sense & its a really good thing to think about, but its hard to define where I will be in life in a decade.

A decade ago, I was in a completely different place in my life.  One where this house still worked fine.  Just got out of a 5 year relationship and grown out of the depression that followed that ending.  Had just graduated from college and was wondering what next?  Dealing with the news that mom had been diagnosed with cancer and realizing how precious time together really is.

Happy to say Mom is still here and although she has been better, she is still with us to make memories.  Even has some stubble as her hair grows back from the round of chemo.  Still stubborn and ready to take charge.  Still Mom.

Ten years ago, I never would have guessed my uncle would no longer be with us.  Couldn’t have imagined how much my sister would have grown into her life.  Or that my grandmother would have had a stroke, moved west and now not around to hear her laughter or wacky substitutions for curse words.

But then again… in those ten years I have learned more about who I am and accepting myself.  Been to Europe, paid off my first convertible on my own (almost), survived several experiences I never thought I would be faced with and met some pretty amazing people, while editing out a few people in my life that no longer fit.

So in searching for a new address, I have to wonder what I am getting myself into.  Where will I find myself in ten years.  I’m more afraid of how different it all will be.  Then again, hopefully there will be a lot to be proud of.  Just scary how much can change so fast.

Thinking good thoughts.

Tomorrow is a whole new day and one day further into this next decade.

Time to take a cue from those optimistic applicants & believe in myself a bit more.  Figure out which pair of shoes it is I want to end up wearing into the future.


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