melting down

oh life… its never predictable.

Yesterday started out awful.

one bright spot was a new bloom

Everything just got to me all at once.  My mom being sick, my chaos of potentially moving or re-organizing the current place, another friend moving across country & out of my life, the passing of a child who had cancer (never met him, but there have been local events for him & we were all rooting for him to get better. its all just too unfair) and the reality that my finger is looking worse than before and frankly there isn’t any hope for it being normal.  Then the whole single gal in a seemingly couple centered place.  The fact that I have money, yet can’t seem to get to any of it at the moment.  Check being mailed to me, check needing picked up but I didn’t have time to get it Friday & that the pay check from work is taking a lot longer to deposit into my account than it should each week… meaning I am not being able to budget paying bills the way I had scheduled.  Just frustrating all over the place.

Nothing new – except the child passing.

But for whatever reason it all just hit me at once & hard.

I had plans to meet up with friends…. I tried to pull it together & put on a happy face, but not happening.  Then I got the message that my friend needed help moving & so there I went.  Maybe hauling boxes & packing would be a good distraction & how can you pass up a few more moments together with someone you may not see again off facebook?

Several other snafus later I’m pretty sure I had smoke billowing out my ears.  Klonapin wasn’t working, deep breaths didn’t seem to help fight the tears or heartache.  So I opened a bottle of pinot noir.

a heart to heart & a few bottles later life was feeling a little less heavy even if nothing was changed other than I now had her queen mattress at my home waiting for me to crash on.

Not sure how to become okay with all the crazy stuff in the world, like cancer, but hoping that good friends, stopping to take time when I need it & a cozy place to sleep with strong arms to hug me when I need it, this too shall pass as they say.

Did I mention how lucky I am to share my life with a face that both adores me & makes me laugh when I need it most.

So hoping that taking some time to just be.  Not think, not over think, not plan, just be will help me.  Grateful to have a bed big enough to hibernate in a little longer.  Bonus is I’m avoiding all those tourist who are in town for the weekend.


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