Give me Strength

Ever have a day you just dread for no reason?

Last night I got down again. Just thinking about everything isn’t a good thing sometimes. I think it started when a guy I had been chatting with for a few days texted me to see what I was doing.  Not that interested in him, but he seemed nice so what the heck? Hadn’t met him yet but we had exchanged a few messages & it seemed okay after I got through to him that liking the Panthers & NFL did not equate to me enjoying hearing play by plays about other sports.  Anyway – last night was the finale for RuPaul’s Drag Race & although I already knew who won, I had been looking forward to seeing how it all wrapped up.  Had been chatting with 3 friends (who happen to be gay guys) about the big event & other things – when I realize he had texted & I hadn’t responded & he called me out on it.

First its a friggin text.  Not a 911 call.  Chill.

Second – I don’t actually know you… get a life.  If you are hanging on my every word & don’t know me, something isn’t right here.  I can get interested in someone, but til there is a face to face NOTHING is that important that you have to say that I will be pissed if you don’t respond.

The real kicker though was the message I got back after I explained that I was kinda busy chatting & watching TV with a couple of friends.  He of course asked what we were watching & I explained.  He expressed very clearly how he would never watch that (fine) & was really not into “homos” (not fine).  Seriously? Are people still using the term “homos”? and grow up.

Needless to say, I’m not interested in any more text or anything else from that guy.  I just don’t get the fear.  You are texting with a girl, who has friends.  Are you jealous of that? Are you so controlling that you demand attention? That isn’t going to work & if its seriously anti-gay mindset that REALLY isn’t going to work out.

Which spiraled into me thinking what is working in my life? (while 3 birds screeched in the background & the pug got chased off the couch by a budgie.)


Love life – non-existant

Volunteering – I am feeling drained.  I know that typically helping causes I believe in energizes me, but lately I feel I have nothing left to give.  But meeting with one of my best friends to work on setting up a non-profit that is severely needed today.  He is so dedicated to it I’m hoping it will rub off on me & I can find fuel to light my fire in his excitement.

Work life – no calls back from the interviews (yet)  Met with a temp agency yesterday that seemed positive, but I admit that the online testing sucked.  My screen ended up freezing into about a 3rd of the regular screen which restricted some of the choices on evaluating my Word abilities.  Pissed me off.  I though… no.. I can do this.  Stupid test.  Also wondering if I will ever find a job I will like that will pay.  Doesn’t have to be my dream, but is it so wrong not to dread work.  This being off is getting entirely too comfy & frankly is driving me nuts.

the B-Boys - one who really wants to snuggle the pug (who ain't having it)

Did I mention the loud parrots screaming in the background?

crazy eyed Groucho looks like I feel sometimes

Yup I need to get out of the house today big time.

I need to find my optimistic spirit again.


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