Welcome back

Sometimes you have to return to where you were to realize how far you have come.  This weekend seems to be one of those times.

Like yesterday I spent the day with my parents around town.  So much has changed & yet not changed.  Had lunch with mom at a local greasy spoon that I remember going to as a kid pretty often.

Seems NOTHING has changed there.  Same seats, same dishes & even same waitresses.  Which makes me think they must enjoy their jobs.

I want that.  I want a job I can love.

I got the job I interviewed for Friday, but honestly I already hate it with a passion.  I hope that I can get it together to present a smile Thursday when I go in to start, but I want to run screaming already.  I was ready for low pay – not that low.  I was ready for crazy retail hours – but not 3 am unpacking shifts.  I was even ready for a dress code – however I was not ready for khaki & black – collared polo.  No.  I was really not ready for all of them combined.

1st who wears khaki polos?  …ok OFF a golf course?  Might be ok if I could do a black polo & black pants, but nope has to be black polo & khaki pants OR khaki polo and black pants.  I own the black pants, but nothing else in that dress code.  So now I have to spend money on clothes I am going to hate for this crappy position?  and NO ONE I know looks great in a khaki shirt.  I certainly don’t have the skin tone to look good in it that close to my face. yuk. Not to mention where is the sense of creativity? No where in that big box store that is for sure!  Once again, local businesses seem ideal.

I know the experience will teach me something & I have done it all before, but I also feel like I have grown into a new person since then.  In a lot of ways this feels like I am taking giant leaps backward.  Why did I even accept the position?  Just to have something.  A chance at a check.  But this is insanity.

Looking at the interview, I don’t have a clue why they offered the position to me.  I made it clear that I would be looking for another job due to the low pay & that this would need to be a temporary thing until I found something else.  In my experience this isn’t typically the ideal candidate since you will be rehiring soon in the future.  Who knows…

I should be grateful.  I should be happy.  I should remind myself that its temporary & that its a chance to gain new perspective and learn from new coworkers.  I should be thankful that I have a team that wants me on it… but instead I have to wonder, will I end up the person who never finds the job that makes my soul soar?  I want to find something I love.  I want to be like the waitress that is still working at the same place 20 years later – because she loves it.

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