I was flipping channels trying to find a song to fit the mood of the moment. Found one I love. Listened, sang along then reached up & flipped the channel to see what else was on.
It struck me. This I exactly what I am doing in life. Flipping from the good enough in hopes to find a bit better.
I tweeted the thought: “I realize I treat life a lot like my radio. Sometimes I flip from a song I actually like before its over in hopes of catching a better one!” but instead of just getting it out of my head, I kept coming back to it through the day.
I was texting with Shadow & a couple of guys about maybe meeting up at some point in the next few days. I realize I don’t really want to commit to anything firm date wise just in case something more fun comes up. Even with THE GUYS I don’t feel devoted. Constantly looking for the reasons to jet off to the next thing. See what else is out there to catch.
Same with these job interviews & offers. At this point I have turned down a few, that would have meant a paycheck coming in but also they weren’t perfect. Keep hoping for something that will feel right.
I do it with plans. Living by the moment refraining from planning in advance since something better might pop up. Part of it is I want to be available for interviews, but part is just me enjoying the freedoms and the potentials. Thought about going to visit my parents this weekend, but about 5 minutes after starting to pack, I got a phone call about a job that would be great! Not perfect but certainly has potential & feels better.
Not sure if I am afraid to commit because I like feeling in charge and open to doing what I feel like right now or that I am so sick of getting my hopes up only to be dashed by changes & am now too scared to commit to anything.
For now I just am going to keep flipping channels. Hoping that the right song will come along that makes my heart sing.
Do I have issues? yup. But til I can work them out, at least I have great playlists!