by the light of day

Another day at home with the lovely ladies of Sex and the City.

Was supposed to go on a date tonight that I thought about canceling, but then he canceled due to the cold weather & the long ride combined with needing to be up by 6 am tomorrow.  Saves me from having to stress over trying to be nice on a night, I am just not feeling so great anyway.  Certainly not feeling flirtatious or the least bit like starting some new relationship.

Maybe its thinking about yet another friend leaving the area to follow dreams & thinking about how much I miss my friends who are spread all over the place.  Maybe its still a bit of regret for the mean texts I sent in the wee hours Saturday.  Maybe its knowing yet again I went out to have a good time in my own city & yet again some jerk tried to ruin it.  (I did get a temporary fix for my phone at least & it seems to be working at the moment.) Maybe it was the pendulum swing from the weekend, the emotional hangover if you will, but I just feel like a grump.  Things are falling into place & I know life takes times, but I am ready for something different.

Not thrilled with the house, yet not motivated to do much to it and not willing to spend the money at the moment.  Having TONS of doubt about a decision I recently made.  Wondering if the plants I bought & planted are going to bite the dust with this freezing weather that sneaked up on us.  Wondering if I will ever meet someone new, because I feel like I am meeting the same 3 guys over & over…. & then Shadow.  Also being really hard on myself.

Hate it when you get to see pictures & realize, the vision in your head looked a lot different than the reality shown on camera.

Frustrating.

I know I should get it together, make a plan & just do it.  Stop beating myself up and remember how much I have achieved rather than doubt & pick apart all the things I want to change.

I feel like I am back in a place I have been way too many times to be happy about being here again.  I should be growing but right now I just feel stuck in a rut.  Trying to be optismitic is just too much for today.

Since I am lucky enough not to HAVE to deal with anyone today.. I didn’t.  Just pug snuggles & a few parrots needing attention, but they don’t seem to mind I’m crankier than normal.

Here’s hoping tomorrow I wake up feeling more like myself & with a few ideas & tricks up my sleeve.  See everything in a new light.

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