Moving on

So today was rough.  Its only half over, but I’m pretty sure this is the theme for the day.

Last day at work.  After miscommunications & a pretty annoying attitude from one co-worker, it just felt right to end it on that note.  The new employee is hired.  My projects are wrapped up & I am done.  I gathered the stuff together, got Baxter & left.  My boss knows I am there if he needs me & even said he would be having a cookout soon & wanted me to come.

Was hard sitting there trying to find  things to do, listening to how amazing the new hire is (although I am grateful she is & happy for them all – hoping its a much better fit).  Also worried about a friend going through some scary health stuff right now, wishing there was some way I could help or fix it & just feeling sick about it all.  Scared about what is next in my life… also sleepy from not sleeping last night.  So it was time.  I needed to go.

Soon as I got in the car the first tear fell.

I am learning to cry after being the person who never cried for most of my life.  It still feels strange & a bit weak, but I let them flow.  Just feeling it all & not really knowing what the feelings were.

Thank goddess for dark sunglasses & comfy blankets & chairs!

So in reaching for yet another tissue, I managed to knock off the table my tarot deck.  ONE card landed face up amidst the mess.

the Eight of Cups

I had to smile.  Thank you life. I needed that confirmation right now.

I know the road ahead is going to be tricky & I am leaving behind some amazing people & a place that certainly has been helpful in this past year, but there are great opportunities ahead.  I MUST remember that.  To stay would just leave me stagnant & I owe it to myself to move on to better things. I need to grow.

This is one interpretation of the card from Keen.com: 

When you are finally fed up with it and you turn to a Tarot reading to show you the way, the Eight of Cups says that it is just time to leave. When a relationship is getting abusive, when a friend is increasingly disrespectful, when a parent cannot accept you are now an adult who must make independent decisions, the Eight of Cups indicates that it is time to go.

A red-robed traveler is departing under a gloomy sky with a crescent moon and a sad faced disc upon it. The landscape is rocky and appears to be an inlet to some vast sea or ocean off beyond the mountainous rocks ahead. In the foreground are eight Cups. There is a row of five and on top of this row are three more. Two of them are separated by a gap from the third.

The Cups in this card seem to be on a ledge in a windowsill, indicating that there is a leaving of an interior space into an exterior space. The gap in the top row of Cups signifies lost love, as Cups are the Tarot suit of emotion. The person walking is not showing his or her face, indicating that there is no looking back and perhaps a contempt for the situation that caused this person to leave. The walking stick indicates that it will be a long journey ahead. The sad faced disc is thought to be the dark part of the crescent moon. It is illuminated only to illustrate the weariness that this card illustrates. A crescent moon is a signal of a new beginning. When the dark face of the moon seems bright by comparison to your own emotional sadness, it is time to change direction and move on in life. The landscape suggests that it may not be easy for you to move on, but the fact that you would attempt to navigate such rough terrain only asserts what a terrible place you have been occupying to send you out that way.

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