I know this full moon is making every single emotion felt feel about a billion times stronger, but sometimes it just all seems a bit much.
Today was one of those postcard days that makes people move to this area. Sunny, warm, light breeze. Spring like. Just too nice to be missed. Sadly that is exactly what I had to end up doing for most of it. Still stuck in the office behind the desk without an exact idea of when the last day will be. The stress of it all is getting to me.
I’m over this job. I mentally am ready to move on. I am tired of waiting to start the new life…even the temporary one.
After work I noticed a small wrench lit up on my dashboard & checked to see my oil was at 15% life. I JUST got an old change a little while back, so this didn’t make sense. Back to the shop. Thankfully it was just due to someone forgetting to reset the gauge, but it stressed me out. What if it had been something bigger or expensive. Thankfully the guys reset it for free, but what if? Am I really ready to go through my savings to get a break?
Plus I don’t know if its the random contact from a guy I once dated & it didn’t end up lasting but didn’t end badly either or if its all the mushy Valentines stuff finally catching up to me, but I am feeling lonely tonight. Actually the past couple of nights. I miss the closeness of having someone I knew loved me & would just give me a hug & tell me its going to be ok.
I still stand by my stance that if its not something that has the potential to develop into something real its not worth messing with, but there are times I just want someone.
I am feeling antsy.
Ready for the next thing. Ready to be anywhere but in this moment, but knowing that the only way to get where I want to be is to get through this. I hate feeling like I am wasting time, but deep down I know I’m not. Just not quite there yet.
Part of me wants to go out & find a distraction, but right now the thought of spending any money on a cab or extras doesn’t seem to be the best idea. So here I sit with the pugster & a bottle of already paid for wine.
& dreaming of a few environments I would rather be in….
Ok so I have been 3 of those places & part of me wishes I were there now.
But maybe its just me missing the past, while waiting for the future, hoping to find a way to enjoy the now.
I know one thing… I miss my big water bed. I miss it being in a room where I could just forget the world in a movie or mindless TV show while I ended the day & just wound down. This twin bed in a quiet room isn’t quite my style.