OK who am I trying to kid? If I had a panic button it would be broken by now.
I am trying my best to stay professional & mature, but inside I just want to scream and throw the biggest diva tantrum ever.
I refuse to get into details but work is really not a good place lately. With my background in Human Resources, I see the signs all too well. Decreased income, increased bills, late payments, …..& a hefty payroll.
Also I feel how zapped I feel at the end of the day. Feels like I have nothing left to give. My heart isn’t here & being the only girl in a pack of guys, I am easy to single out. Also being in the office all the time, its easy for me to get the brunt of anything. I can be sad, feel like fighting, or I can take the only choice I have – change me.
Postive thinking is the biggest asset you can have in life in my opinion. However lately I just can’t seem to get that together. Negativity is HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS. Add miscommunication and I’m miserable.
I know I am very lucky.
I have a house, even as unorganized & in need of change as it is – with a leaking waterbed, that is waiting for me as soon as I get home & figure out how to drain it. I know having a place to sleep is a luxury.
I know I am extremely lucky to have this bag of doritos to eat. I wish it was an actual meal, but I don’t get lunch breaks as the office manager. Everyone else does, but I am required to man the phones. Still I know there are people – CHILDREN – who don’t have food today. Those who can’t rest assured that after they get off work they can grab something more sustaining.
I have a job. As much as it is driving me nuts & causing me to question my abilities, I have a paycheck headed my way. For this I am grateful. I am not sure how much longer I will be having this to be grateful for & scared to pieces that in this economy its going to be hard to recapture once lost, but for now I just need to spend it wisely.
Sincerely hoping I have the wisdom to see the steps that I need to take, the ability to recognize them, the courage to take them & the trust to keep moving forward & not look back.