PANIC… then regroup

I am 3 seconds away from smashing this thing…..

OK who am I trying to kid? If I had a panic button it would be broken by now. 

I am trying my best to stay professional & mature, but inside I just want to scream and throw the biggest diva tantrum ever.

I refuse to get into details but work is really not a good place lately.  With my background in Human Resources, I see the signs all too well.  Decreased income, increased bills, late payments, …..& a hefty payroll.

Also I feel how zapped I feel at the end of the day.  Feels like I have nothing left to give.  My heart isn’t here & being the only girl in a pack of guys, I am easy to single out.  Also being in the office all the time, its easy for me to get the brunt of anything.  I can be sad, feel like fighting, or I can take the only choice I have – change me.

Postive thinking is the biggest asset you can have in life in my opinion.  However lately I just can’t seem to get that together.  Negativity is HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS. Add miscommunication and I’m miserable.

I know I am very lucky.

I have a house, even as unorganized & in need of change as it is – with a leaking waterbed, that is waiting for me as soon as I get home & figure out how to drain it.  I know having a place to sleep is a luxury.

I know I am extremely lucky to have this bag of doritos to eat.  I wish it was an actual meal, but I don’t get lunch breaks as the office manager.  Everyone else does, but I am required to man the phones.  Still I know there are people – CHILDREN – who don’t have food today.  Those who can’t rest assured that after they get off work they can grab something more sustaining.

I have a job.  As much as it is driving me nuts & causing me to question my abilities, I have a paycheck headed my way.  For this I am grateful.  I am not sure how much longer I will be having this to be grateful for & scared to pieces that in this economy its going to be hard to recapture once lost, but for now I just need to spend it wisely.

Sincerely hoping I have the wisdom to see the steps that I need to take, the ability to recognize them, the courage to take them & the trust to keep moving forward & not look back.


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