So this afternoon I went back to see my surgeon. Who I still say is amazing. Seriously they are the best, most caring team of doctors & staff I have ever been around. I can’t imagine going through any of this without their support, honesty & knowledge.
I’m not sure how to feel.
The good news is no more surgeries or therapy.
The bad news is no more surgeries or therapy.
I’m glad I don’t have to put my body through another procedure & honestly think I have exhausted my support system, but I’m not sure I was really prepared to just accept that my hand is always going to be like this. Really not ready to just accept that it may get worse…if I don’t keep up the exercises & keep the tendon flexing.
I am glad that this is bringing this whole ordeal behind me. The attack was over a year ago & its time to move on. Just wish I could leave this memento behind me & get back to the way I was before. I will forever be changed no doubt, but it would be nice for it not to be so obvious.
The finger no longer straightens. While it still will grip for the most part & most tasks I have adapted or can do, its hard to hide sometimes. Strangers have stared & I have caught it. Used to think it was the braces they were looking at, especially the couple of blue ones, but now I know it just looks different. I would wonder if I noticed it too. Not saying its wrong or it angers me, but I don’t want to have to go through my life continually having to answer “What happened?”.
Not sure why I am feeling so disappointed and sad. Its the news I have been dying to hear for a long time now.
Also feeling bad after finding out I owe a hefty chunk of change still to the orthopedic office since insurance didn’t cover what they were expected to cover.
Which means I need to really reconsider the bedroom project. Or find some magical way to make money appear in my life without losing any relatives. Win the lottery without playing? Sugar daddy without having to date an old guy I don’t like & hate myself for selling myself? ….time to get thinking up something that works.
But for tonight, I am just going to feel.
& get in loads of pug snuggles.
A few memories from along the journey
(WARNING: Some pictures are gross, but they are part of what I went through, so I’m providing honesty.)
(sorry I know its gross)