Ready? Aim. Fire!

Lately life has been giving me options.  ok more shoves…

After spending a year healing & coming to grips with playing catch up in re-learning to use my hand, now it seems the focus is shifting.

Time to plan or at least set a few targets to aim at.

1st I spend some time analyzing my current state – & yes I am a Virgo & very much so sometimes, even if I am a Libra cusp.

Health

looking much better! Could still use some work.  Need to lose all excess poundage and get my cardio up to where a 33 year old should be.  Also could stand to add some muscles.  Still my body has been thru a lot & done more than I expected it to do last year so I love it still.  Also insomnia seems to be improving…. no thanks to the Keurig which calls to me to enjoy some coffee in the evenings!  So far I have been good & refrained for the most part (chai doesn’t count right?).

Money

well… I’ve been better & I have been way worse.  I am able to make the payments on everything I need to & still be able to treat myself some.  Sure I could be paying the debt off quicker but I just haven’t been.  I for once actually have both a savings (with money in it to feel slightly comfortable) & a 401k with an employer match.  For all that I am grateful.  So should I get back to being hard core with the debt snowball & pay off those credit cards or just strive to maintain sanity & stay normal – an american in debt.  Thankfully I’m not in a HUGE amout of debt.  Course this year could be a major test financially with all the ideas spinning around my head.

Relationships

another could be better & could be a lot worse.

I am feeling a bit closer to my family, but further away from most of my favorite friends. Made some amazing new ones, lost ties with a few.

As far as love life? eh. Not much to report on this past year. Had a crush, didn’t work out. Went on quite a few first days, several multiple dates, but nothing exciting or lasting to speak of connection wise.  Its pretty safe to say this aspect needs a tad bit of divine intervention.  I’m just tired & frankly sick of the process.  Seems like I keep meeting the same guys, different bodies.

Thankfully I like myself & my pug!

Spirituality

a low hum in the background of all I do.

While I still feel very strong in my beliefs, I haven’t been very active in them.  This past year has made me realize a lot, especially in regards to just letting go & trusting in a higher energy than my own.  I also learned that there is a point where you hurt so bad that you can welcome death.  After the attack I was alone in my bed feeling worse than anything ever before & there was a point where I was in & out of it that I thought, I could die right now & it would be ok.  I found myself not afraid.  I felt ok with who I am & understanding that everything would be ok if I passed over.  Thankfully I didn’t, but it left me feeling very different.  It made going into surgery much easier than going under anesthesia ever has been.  …fun thing was the only thing I was worried about was how long it would take til someone figured it out & if the birds would be ok that long. (yes I know I sound crazy… its ok, I am officially a crazy bird lady.  I don’t mind.)

So this year I am getting back into reading more & doing more.  Already have a few things I want to do in mind to get me more in touch with were I feel I should be, but more on that later.

Giving

Completed the 29 Gifts challenge twice in the past year & have made some wonderfully fulfilling commitments.  Found new organizations working for causes that I believe in & was lucky enough to help them (even if only financially) along with still supporting some I always have believed in.

I truly believe that helping others is the best medicine for a soul.  Nothing like knowing you made a positive impact in another’s world.  Also helps you realize just how truly blessed you really are.  No matter what there will always be someone you can help & also someone who may be there to help you.  Paying it forward & seeing the opportunities are the best things to brighten even your days.

Hobbies

Inspired to begin a few new ones, but unable to work on a few favorites.

Alas being very limited most of the year in mobility & dexterity in my hand, sewing, knitting, & quilting got put on the back burner.  Sure I tried to adapt at first, but it was all too much.  No shame in needing to heal & just do what I could, but now I am doing better.  I’m going to get back into at least sewing this year.  Just have to keep positive & start from the begining.  Easy projects first & see where I can go from there.  Something to use up the fabric stash!

Cooking also got placed on the back burner last year.  Pots & pans were just too heavy for the most part & working with just one hand ended up being very awkward.  Add heat to the mix & general exhaustion, & you have the recipe for giving up.  BUT I did discover some great new places to eat in town & got to clean out the cabinets.  Now that I am working with both hands – its time to get them dirty again! Bring on the ingredients.

As far as new ways to be creative I dived head first into an old interest – photography.  Splurged on a Nikon D3000 & joined a photography group.  My Dad has always had a camera strapped on him, so its been a great experience in sharing a common interest with him & learning from him. So far its been almost like when I rediscovered my childhood dream of having a pet bird.  Like a remembered a lost part of me that I need to be whole.  There is just something incredibly magical about seeing a scene, taking the picture & viewing the secrets that the lens can unlock.  The most mundane can become fascinating.  So many memories & moments worth capturing.

Another thing I recently got started making were pendants.  A soldering iron, some glass & creativity were all I needed.  Still working on it, but it may be something to share later.  My sister seemed to enjoy the one I made her for a gift & I know I love mine.  Maybe I will add some soon to my Etsy store.  Still selling the cards & love that I was able to sell enough last year to make a donation!  Hoping to do so again this year.

Home

Not sure if it was all the time spent at home this year or just this stage in life, but I have come to hate my home.  The kitchen too small, the storage is never enough or in the right spots.  LOATHE with a passion my carpet & the white walls are past their prime.  The neighborhood is less than it used to be (can you say a 50 something woman pulling a loaded gun on a couple of tween boys playing basketball in the street because they accidentally let the ball bounce towards her car? The same car she can not drive since she lost her license. Guess I don’t have to even mention the “fragrant” smells coming from the back yard neighbor’s house while they continuously flick their lighters & cough.  Not exactly the worse place, but this isn’t where I want to be.)

Did some soul searching & toyed with the options of moving – another place here, another city entirely… but the funds aren’t there & I don’t think I am ready to give up on everything here.  So I have to make it work.  Just have to figure out how.

1st step is going to be purge, give & find a good storage unit for all the stuff I only use once in a while.  Then on to phase two.

Work

Hasn’t been the biggest, greatest year for work.  I am grateful to have a job & one that afforded me a steady paycheck, paid time off (which was much used) & insurance (also used way more than I ever thought I would have to at this stage in the game).  However I also realized I don’t particularly care for what I am doing.  Other than a paycheck & not letting down the people I work with, my heart isn’t really into it.  Long for something that makes me love going to work each day – other than the money & being able to bring Baxter to work with me.  (Still hoping to continue to have all of the positive things in the coming year, but with the addition of an invested interest & a feeling of making a positive influence in the world.) I’m hoping that the universe is going to guide me on this one.  I know I am open.

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One thought on “Ready? Aim. Fire!

  1. Pingback: Ready? Aim. Update! | Taste of MoonGoddess

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